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Dinosaur Dracula

Five Retro TV Commercials, Part 35!

I take pride in letting Dino Drac be a distraction from the real world, but to ignore the real world this week is beyond gross. Here’s a list of Black Lives Matter fundraisers that you should consider donating to. There are many orgs on that list that are purely humanitarian, and I’d like to believe that everyone can find causes in there to get behind.

Take your time. This article will still be here later. Below is the latest edition of Five Retro TV Commercials, featuring everything from Garfield-endorsed ravioli to Matt-endorsed Dorothy Zbornak.

TMNT Badges at Burger King! (1990)

With their cartoon, toy line and movie all white hot, the Ninja Turtles completely owned 1990. Or at least co-owned it with Bart Simpson. Life must’ve been wretched for kids who hated the Turtles, because they were everywhere.

“Everywhere” included Burger King. Especially Burger King! Aside from the BK-exclusive TMNT videotapes that literally every person on the planet owned, there was also this collection of “badges” — large, clip-on wearables that straddled the line between toys and jewelry. One free with every Kids Club Meal!

BK was never my preferred fast food joint, but I gleefully traded Ronald’s McNuggets for the King’s Chicken Tenders whenever they came with hot Leonardo swag.

As for the commercial embedded above, it remains the only piece of media starring the Ninja Turtles, Kid Vid and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Garfield Ravioli! (1994)

Arriving in 1994, Garfield Ravioli survived in stores through 1998. It only had major distribution in its first year, though, which explains why so few people remember it.

I, luckily, am among those people. I can’t say that I was especially into Garfield in 1994, but I was especially into ravioli bombs that were stuffed to the point of obscenity. About half as large as avocado pits but nearly as round, each piece was like an Italian dumpling. Smack gnocchi with a Thunder Stone, and you’re in the area.

Garfield drifts in and out of broad relevance like a leaf blowing in the wind. In 1994, I guess the argument was that a Saturday morning cartoon star could still carry canned pasta even in his waning years. I don’t have the box office receipts, but from a critical perspective, Garfield Ravioli got five stars. Read More…

Purple Stuff: Eight Great Sea Monsters!

Every single one of you loves sea monsters. I do, too. Always have. Whether it’s a shark with a particular bloodlust or some giant leviathan with twisted sea horns and a big giant human feet, I’m all-in on every sea monster.

Soooo, I’m happy to report that the latest Purple Stuff Podcast is all about — you guessed it — SEA MONSTERS!

This week, me and Jay from The Sexy Armpit dive into the depths and report back on eight great sea monsters, running the gamut from cartoons to movies to, somehow, pro-wrestling.

Come for the Sando Aqua Monster, stay for Octavia from the Evil Horde.

Click here to listen to this week’s show!

PS: The show is also on iTunes, Stitcher, Podbean or whatever other app you prefer. Just search for us. We’re there.

As a reminder, the Purple Stuff Podcast is also on Patreon, where you can grab (at least) one bonus show each and every month. Thanks so much for all of your support over there!

Some spoiler pics for the new episode are below, because you’re gonna need visual aids for some of these freaks: Read More…

Dino Drac’s May Funpack is here!

Dino Drac’s May Funpack has arrived, and if you’re lucky, you found out about it just in time to grab one!


UNITED STATES ONLY! 2 DAYS ONLY!

This month’s box is loaded with hardcore collectibles, stuff to keep you busy, shit to read, and of course, delicious junk food. I’m assuming y’all know the score by now, but if not, here you go:

The Funpacks are sold on a subscription basis. The cost is $25 a month, and that price includes shipping. For as long as you remain subscribed, you’ll keep getting boxes of old-and-new nonsense, each and every month. (And of course, you can cancel whenever you want without penalty!)

Scroll to the bottom for ordering info, or keep reading to learn about everything in the May Funpack! Read More…

Five Retro TV Commercials, Part 34!

It’s been nearly a full year since the last edition of Five Retro TV Commercials, which means little to you but for me is definitive proof that time moves faster when you’re an old rag.

The good news is that I spent the downtime collecting more old TV commercials than I could ever reasonably cover. If the next Dino Drac focus group demands more editions of Five Retro TV Commercials, dude, I’m so armed.

Star Tours at Disneyland! (1987)

I’ve only been to Disneyland once. It was part of a whirlwind California vacation that doubled as a business trip for my father. We hit most of the big spots, from Universal Studios to the super touristy parts of Hollywood, but it was all a mad rush that didn’t leave time to digest any one specific location.

All I remember about our trip to Disneyland is Star Tours, which had only recently opened. Needless to say, experiencing it was a life-or-death situation. The wait was beyond insane and ate up roughly 70% of our Disneyland time. To date, I think it’d still qualify as the longest line I’ve ever been on.

The ride was great, but my favorite part actually happened before it. To drum up excitement while you waited, they stationed audio-animatronic versions of 3PO and R2 somewhere near the start of the line. They were “movie quality” to the point where even a Star Wars nut like me could tell no difference. Being within spitting distance of the real actual C-3PO was such a dream come true, it wouldn’t have mattered if the ride sucked.

I returned from California with a farmer’s tan and a Star Tours poster. The tan faded in weeks, but that poster was on my bedroom wall forevaaaa.

Masters of the Universe POWER TOUR! (1987)

You know what’s weird? The “first chapter” of Masters of the Universe was inarguably on its last legs in 1987, yet that was the year when so much of its coolest shit came out. Ya gotta give He-Man credit for going down swinging.

1987 was when the toy line scored some of its biggest triumphs, like Scare Glow. 1987 was when the live action movie hit theaters, ruling extraordinarily hard no matter what the critics said.

1987 was also the year of THE POWER TOUR, a live show starring our favorite MOTU characters. Only a small percentage of He-Man fans saw it live, but we’re all pretty obsessed with it. Whenever someone posts that promo shot of the Grizzlor ballerina, we’re like fruit flies on spilt soda.

When you’re into MOTU and you hear “Skeletor,” you kind of mentally divide things into separate Skeletor categories. There’s the original animated one. The live action one. Then the live action one in gold. There’s also an outer space one, and a 2002 one, and I think there’s going to be a 2021 one next year? Oh, and don’t forget the one from the Macy’s Parade, and there are probably eighteen more from comic books.

But there’s also a Power Tour Skeletor, with a unique look and history. It’s like that for every character that turned up in the show. This broadens the franchise’s scope, adds splashes of color and intrigue, and most importantly gives us more stuff to look up on fan wikis. I’m glad the Power Tour existed. Read More…