Freddy Krueger Popcorn Recipe!

I just published an enormous feature, listing ten reasons for you to watch A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. Even though 90% of you have seen it a thousand times. Oh well. Maybe the feature will inspire you to make it a thousand and one?

If it does, it’s important to do it right. You gotta set the mood, dude. Wait until it’s dark, dim the lights, and find some candles. If the candles smell like autumn, that’s even better.

You’re also going to need popcorn. If you’re looking to give the experience an extra spark, here’s how to make popcorn that looks like Freddy Krueger.

His clothes, at least.

Now, this lesson comes with the admission that I did it the hard way. The Super Super Hard Way, actually. If you can find red and green popcorn, I guess that’s all you really need.

But let’s assume that you can’t find it. Let’s also assume that you’re willing to spend more than ten bucks for gross popcorn that looks a tiny bit like Freddy’s sweater. If I may borrow a phrase from the incomparable Montell Jordan, this is how we do it:

First, make a big batch of popcorn. Duh. I’m going to suggest that you stay away from microwave popcorn bags and cook it on the stove, because this is, after all, the Super Super Hard Way. Salt it, butter it. Get all the usual “popcorn stuff” out of the way.

Then, we get funky. You’re going to need red and green cans of Wilton’s “Color Mist,” or some facsimile of them. These food coloring sprays are mainly intended for cupcakes and other dessert items, but I saw nothing on the warning label to dissuade me from bathing popcorn in hyper-compressed Easter egg dye.

The trick is to make sure you don’t end up with a bowl of Christmas popcorn. After giving it a red base coat, stripe it with the green mist. Then put more red OVER the green stripes, to take them out of that “Christmas tree zone” and make them look more like putrid excrement.

Hungry, yet?

The mists are allegedly flavorless, but I will admit to detecting some kind of chemical. The popcorn didn’t kill me, so take solace in knowing that if it can cause death, it won’t be rapid or surprising.

Your job: Pick a night to make alien popcorn and watch Dream Warriors.

There are people with worse jobs.

PS: You don’t really have to make the popcorn. It’s just something I needed to do.