Halloween Soda Cans!

Just launched a special feature: The Creepy Commercials Countdown!

A nice guy named Larry donated a slew of ancient Halloween-themed TV commercials, and in the spirit of making mountains out of molehills, I’m turning them into a month-long event. Every day during October, a new (old) creepy commercial will be posted. Up first something about fruit snacks and skeletons, from 1989. Go, read!

Part of me felt like I should’ve just made those entries a part of the blog, but, eh, blog entries have a tendency to get buried. I’d like to be able to point to this later and say, “See, I did this in 2012. I chose the obnoxious peach background all by myself.”

Besides, I have other things to fill the blog with. Like pictures of my cat.

That’s Kitten. Technically “Saturn,” but we never call her that. She’s “Kitten.” Ten-year-old “Kitten.”

Kitten is an unpredictable cat, capable of loving and annihilating with equal passion. She’s the one we have to warn people about.

“Don’t pet Kitten. Do not make eye contact with Kitten.”

Kitten will bite and scratch over the smallest infraction. Don’t even think about touching her back legs, because her reaction should be studied by army generals. Handling Kitten is a bit like handling an alligator. You have to cradle her with one arm, and clamp her trap shut with your free hand. This isn’t an ideal situation for anyone involved, so when it comes to cat/human interaction, we generally let Kitten make the first move.

Anyway, that’s her. She’s trying to chew the yoke off a six-pack.

…which brings me to my point: Halloween soda!

Well, actually, the sodas are in their normal flavors. It’s the cans that got the upgrades. Four big name brands, redressed for the Halloween season with terrifying designs.

The really cute thing is how tiny they are. There are eight ounces in each can, and though that’s only a 33.3333333% drop from the norm, they seem more like half the normal size. They’re perfect for parties, and I imagine that that’s their purpose. Tiny cans of Halloween soda, for tiny people’s elementary school costume parties.

Gracing the 7 Up can is Frankenstein’s Monster, and you know, I’m really tired of being the only one who calls him that. Everyone else just says “Frankenstein.” Why can’t I?

Wide-eyed and looking a bit confused, Frank is either wandering aimlessly or using his magic hands to summon lightning. Really depends on your POV.

A&W Root Beer got a werewolf. I’m no huge werewolf fan, but I can’t think of a monster better suited to brown soda. It helps that this is a pretty cool werewolf, whose cream-colored shirt betrays a secret enthusiasm for high fashion.

Judging by the design, this werewolf is clearly in the midst of howling. Looks like a pretty serious howl, too. Actually, it looks more like an “ow.” We’re catching the werewolf at the precise moment that he stepped on something sharp. Given how bare the trees behind him have become, I’m betting it was one of their spiky seed pods.

Sunkist wins, in every conceivable way!

I almost never drink orange soda, but it is the perfect color for the season. Plus, if these cans really were made with Halloween soirees in mind, orange soda is always the right choice. It’s just completely synonymous with parties. I can’t explain it, but I feel like I don’t need to. It’s something we all know, even if nobody can articulate why.

Gracing the can is Dracula, and he looks GREAT. He’s green-eyed and evil, and he’s using the Sunkist logo as a shield. As his victims brainlessly wander toward the bright logo, Dracula prepares to attack.  A team of bats flies close, looking to pick at the leftovers. This is grisly territory for soda, and I appreciate that.

Finally, Canada Dry gets a mummy. It isn’t as plain as it sounds. This mummy appears to be part zombie, and he’s flanked by a pair of deadly scorpions. I see these three as a team. The scorpions aim for their victims’ feet, effectively slowing ‘em down so the famously sluggish mummy can catch up. When he does, all three eat together. In my version of the story, mummies and scorpions eat people.

Of course, since we’ve now established that the scorpions aim for feet, we must consider the possibility that the A&W werewolf is about to be devoured by a mummy. That was no seed pod.

Talk about cross-promotion. It’s like when Sophia used to turn up on Empty Nest.

  • Spectre

    @ KB- LOL. I was going to remark on the Werewolf’s “Saturday Night Fever” shirt as well. Now that Matt mentioned it, I can’t seem him howling anymore, just stubbing his toe…or being stung by a scorpion even.

  • kingklash

    I saw a werewolf drinking root beer at Trader Vic’s.

    And his shirt was snappy.

  • Lexi

    Yeah i guess those small sodas could be for parties.
    But I always thought they were for giving out for trick or treat.

  • http://www.tinyurl.com/darkentriesradio DJ D

    Sonofa…! I turn my back on this joint for 5 minutes and missed a Michael Keaton discussion. Only my favorite actor of all time! And yes, like someone said earlier, he will be playing the head of OCP in the Robocop remake. While I’m jazzed for that alone, I’m not too jazzed at all about the new Robocop design. I mean, seriously. WTF is going on there? At least the new ED-209 looks good.

    While my favorite out of the classic monsters has always been the werewolf, I’ve gotta say it’s a close tie with Frankenstein’s Monster and Dracula here. Great design on both those. Cartoon werewolves rarely ever do it for me. They always just come off as big dogs with pants. Now, if you could come up with a cartoon version of Eddie Quist mid-transformation, I’m sold.

  • http://www.tinyurl.com/darkentriesradio DJ D

    “I saw a werewolf drinking root beer at Trader Vic’s.

    And his shirt was snappy.”kingklash

    Ha! I see what you did there. “Aaaa-ooooh, Werewolves of Soda”.

  • Daniel

    For some reason I was trying to remember the daughters from Empty Nest just a few days ago. Just another reason why I continue to read Matt’s work. I think like him.

  • Tank Rambo

    Your cat is a SUPERSTAR. GET HER AN AGENT. BE RICH!!!

  • http://boardwalkangel.blogspot.com/ starwenn

    First of all, I was just wondering the other day if you still had Kitten. Glad to see she’s still wrecking havoc.

    Second, these are so cute. I love the mini-soda-containers they have out today. I’ve sold mini-bottles for Diet Coke at the grocery store where I work. My favorite is the nifty werewolf. (Helps that root beer is also my favorite of the sodas covered.)

  • Reesie

    Who loves orange soda?!!

  • http://www.270soft.com Hoverbored

    Personally, I go for Fanta when I want orange soda. Coke doesn’t really do Halloween, though. That’s one area where Pepsi and other brands have the advantage.

  • spooky

    I have been collecting halloween cans since I discovered them years ago (and after / During when Jones Soda used to rule my halloweens…ah those were the days) but I dont remember ever seeing FOUR of them.

    It was always just Sunkist, A&w, & 7Up. Never (I think) ginger ale. This year, I’ve gotten all three…but havent seen the Ginger Ale Mummy.

    Yet again Matt, you give me homework.

    Now if I can only get Candy Corn Oreos in my market. I’m still looking for those.

    But this is the first year I found halloween Pop Tarts, which I first saw on your site many years ago, so there’s hope, if only eventually.

  • http://www.270soft.com Hoverbored

    spooky- I haven’t found them either. They have Halloween Oreos at the Target (the ad refers to them as “new”), but not the Candy Corn ones.

  • Ultraman

    These cans rule. I must have them. Werewolf is my favorite.

  • Ultraman

    Oh, and as for Frankenstein, I just call him Frankenstein. No amount of whiny bitching will EVER get me to say otherwise.

  • Boomingechoes

    Kitten sounds just like our resident dictator here at the booming house. He has a name too but he ends up being called KITTY CAT! for no reason other then to announce his dominance. I also call him The Professior whenever he happens to do anything perticularly “smart” (Read: REALLY STUPID)

    As for the cans I like all the sodas but I loves me a Werewolf (One year I went as Al from Home Improvement-if he was awerewolf) so the rootbeer wins for me.

    Though between the mummy and Dracula (Is it or is it some poser?) both having shields AND an animal posse to back them up, I’m wondering if theyve got some sort of gang war brewing.

  • J

    crap i am not a big pop drinker so i never notice those i thought soda companies stop doing Halloween pop cans all together i have to go look for those dose any one know what last years cans look like

  • foleyjo

    Dr Frankenstein is the creator but a little known (undocumented) fact is the body he dug up to reanimate was a Mr Frankenstein. So it’s OK to refer to the monster as this too.
    What annoys me more is when people miss off the Dr part of Frankenstein. The poor Dr studied long and hard to get Dr in front of his name

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  • skahooch21

    You must continue your quest of describing Frankenstein as Frankenstein’s Monster. You taught my that valuable distinction a couple years ago and I refuse to just FORGET!

    As for the sodi-pops, I will have to run out and grab each one! You know, you could be a hell of an advertiser for items that need of some distinction!

  • Grave Digger

    Cool.

  • http://theassortment.tumblr.com Zycrow

    I trot out my old Jones Halloween cans/bottles every year along with the other decorations. It used to be a ritual, drive 45 minutes to Target around Oct. 1 to see what new flavors we got this year. “Monster Mojito” was always my favorite.

    I’m actually not sure if they still do the Halloween flavors – I’m now more concerned with cramming as many plastic skeletons into my tiny house as possible.

  • http://perilz.tumblr.com Del

    I know you hated it, but I lust for Jones Candy Corn Soda like I lust for the blood of virgins at Halloween. You needed a sugar tolerance level in the stratosphere to stomach it, but that shit was amazing. Companies should not be ALLOWED to retire food items. Ecto Hi-Cccccccchow do you hold a consonant…

    Also, you should look up the song “Kitten Is Angry” by Lemon Demon if you don’t have it already. It’s apparently based on your cat.

  • Nigel Chaos

    It looks to me like Frankenstein’s Monster is holding up the 7-Up logo, in what is clearly an homage to “Say Anything”.

  • https://www.facebook.com/Pluto.Child Pluto_Child

    I absolutely love the fact that they took time to make up a Halloween can for Canada Dry. I’m a ginger ale junkie so it’s nice to see it FINALLY get the nod it deserves. The mummy is by far my favorite of the bunch. He looks like such a total and complete scumbag that’s up to no good.

    Matt I totally agree about orange soda. It’s not a party without it! The vampire is quite cheeky. He’s my second favorite of the bunch. The other two don’t do much for me.

    I do like the fact that they chose monsters to match the soda themes which makes my OCD self rather happy. I thought the light yellow of the mummy was quite stupendous. It cleverly matches the color of the ginger ale. It took me a minute to figure out the Sunkist reasoning. I guess I can see Drac on orange soda since orange is closest to a blood red of the bunch.

  • JonnyMono

    “Talk about cross-promotion. It’s like when Sophia used to turn up on Empty Nest.”

    Goddamnit…I love you, man.

  • JonnyMono

    also, odd that they all seem to be caffeine free beverages. Perhaps you were on to something with the wee-folk-party angle.

  • Roo

    There are also Halloween cans for Sun Drop, Big Red & Welch’s! Keep an eye out for them…

    Also, when the cans are cold, the white color changes to another color. Fun stuff!

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