Dinosaur Dracula!

Halloween Lunchables YES!

I can’t believe it. It’s finally happened. It’s taken years, but it’s finally happened.

We got ‘em, folks. We got Halloween Lunchables.

You have NO IDEA how long I’ve waited for this.

This is my tenth year doing the Halloween Countdown, and during almost every prior edition, I looked for this. Exactly this. It just seemed like such an obvious thing to do, and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why Lunchables wasn’t doing it. It drove me CRAZY.

Every October, I dug through the Lunchables section of every supermarket I could find, hoping and praying for something orange. The cheese didn’t count, for it was always too yellow. Until now, every search was a bust. A horrible bust.

Still, I knew it would happen, someday. It had to. It was fate, it was destiny, and it was a chance to get extra mileage from those special Oreos with the spooky creme.

Oh yes — the wait is over. HALLOWEEN LUNCHABLES are here. Call your friends, call your relatives, call anyone who likes turkey in the shape and scale of Oxy pads.

I’m not sure if there are other versions of Halloween Lunchables out there. I could only find this one. The turkey & cheese “cracker stackers” one. You know, “the classic.” They made the right choice, but I still hold out hope that King Lunchable will do the same for one of his make-your-own pizza kits. BECAUSE I NEED TO ARRANGE THAT MOZZARELLA IN THE SHAPE OF A GHOST.

Good, I was right. Capped words make plain statements read like jokes.  I’M SITTING AT MY DESK.

The wrapper art is just fantastic. It’s full of Halloween symbols (even pitchforks that could be easily mistaken for candelabras), and it’s all presented in a choiiiiice shade of jade green. They want you to think “slime,” but nuh uh. I know jade when I see it. And I always love it when I do. Read More…

Vlog: “Big Frank” Talking Monster Pal!

Hey: The Creepy Commercials Countdown has been updated with Slimer and a three-eyed ghost.

Today’s vlog is about Big Frank, “the talking monster pal kids love to fix!” Made by Playskool in 1992, Big Frank dresses like an inmate and has a bunch of tools hidden in his head.

The video is barely coherent. I wonder why?

The big mystery: What could’ve compelled Playskool to make Big Frank? It’s not like Frankenstein’s Monster was the in-thing back in the early ‘90s. Don’t take that as a complaint, as I think we’re all very fortunate that a Frankenstein doll with a screwdriver in its head exists. Read More…

Halloween Milk?

Before we dive into dairy, how about a quick shill? International orders are now accepted for the Dino Drac Halloween prints! I’ve also updated the page with some nicer photos.

Thanks to everyone who ordered one so far! Sent out the first big batch this afternoon, and boy, did the people behind me at the post office sure wish for my death! I now know how to sigh in eight languages.

As longtime readers know, milk and I do not get along. I have no general aversion to dairy products. I just find milk disgusting. It’s totally inexplicable and has zero correlation to my other eating habits, but yeah, milk is gross.

The last time I drank it was in 2006, when we went to Disney World. And I only did that because the Polynesian’s insistence that I drink fourteen cocktails out of fourteen pineapples gave me the kind of heartburn that one could easily mistake for a heart attack. Even then, it was chocolate milk, and I only had one begrudging sip.

Despite this, I’m going to spend the next several paragraphs gushing about milk. If I treat it as a thing to look at and not as a thing to drink, smell or get on me, milk isn’t so bad. Especially when it’s all Halloweenified!

First up, Nestle Nesquik rules all with its new Halloween bottle. I’m normally bothered when food companies limit their spooky revamps to packaging alone, but here, the packaging is just SO GOOD.

Take a look at the Nesquik Bunny. He’s so unbelievably awesome as a mummy. It’s like he was born to become one. I bet Nestle’s artists ran through a dozen other monster concepts, before finally landing on the mummy and screaming “THAT’S IT THAT’S THE ONE” in glorious unison. No doubt, that’s what I bet.

Course, now that I think about it, they probably picked the mummy just because it rhymes with “bunny.” It sort of does, anyway. Still, he wouldn’t look half as good as any other monster. Thank God “bunny” doesn’t rhyme with “vampire.” We have enough Dracula rabbits.

The bottle is great in a pillar-to-post way. It’s swarming with webs, bats, spiders and sparkles. It also glows in the dark! Read More…

Count Chocula Treats!

Hey, have you been keeping up with the Creepy Commercials Countdown? You probably should. Clarence Clemons is there. Now here’s Count Chocula:

I saw them in Target, and I flipped. They were on a rack right by the registers, but one of the store employees, who I guess had assumed the role of  “greeter,” stood right in front of them. I really didn’t want to be the weirdo who asks people to move so he can get at chocolate bars, so I scoped out Target’s entire Halloween section and every food aisle, hoping to find more. Read More…

Dino Drac Halloween Prints for sale!

The 1st ever piece of Dino Drac merch is available nowwww.

Go buy yourself a limited edition (ah ha ha) “Halloween Countdown 2012” print!

It’s in color!

Invasion of the Scarecrows!

Imagine my luck! On the exact weekend that I go to New Hampshire, New Hampshire gets invaded by hundreds of insane scarecrows. Read More…