Food – Retro

I will always be loyal to McDonald’s, and that has little to do with the company’s food. God knows how many paper-wrapped cheeseburgers I tore through during adolescence, but what I really loved about the place was how it could turn nothing days into something days. This was especially

It’s time for another edition of Six Snacks I Want Back, celebrating the varied fuels of our long forgotten sugar rushes. Read and get hungry!  Butterfinger Ice Cream Nuggets!  Remember when Bart turned us all into Butterfinger fans? Don’t get me wrong — I’m sure some folks

Tonight we’re gonna look at eight fictitious foods from movies and television that I really, really want to eat. If I’m ever condemned, my last meal request will include three fish biscuits and a tall glass of whatever that shit was that they drank in Death Becomes Her. #1: Luke’

Tonight’s focus: More ridiculous candy from the ‘80s and ‘90s. I doubt you’re surprised. I’m very excited about this batch, which includes a few expired edibles that I never thought I’d be able to reclaim. My sources of triumph are sad, and uniquely mine. Chew Fun Bubble Gum No

Let’s take a look at five old McDonald’s Happy Meal boxes, and see how many tangentially related paragraphs they inspire. You may consider this a surrogate sequel to my article about old fast food bags. God, I write about a lot of garbage! Back to the Future Happy Meal! Year: 1991 Wow,

Long ago, I wrote about five ancient cereal boxes from my personal collection. Later, I did it again. Since many of you seem to find great joy in the idea that I’m surrounded by decades-old food, I think we’ll go for the triple. Here are five more cereals from beyond the grave: Morning

Welcome to the fifth edition of Six Snacks I Want Back, where I torment you by celebrating foods you can no longer eat! Side bonus: Lots of heavy GIFs sure to aggravate the site’s mobile users!  Chef Boyardee Sharks!  Debuting somewhere around 1990, Sharks tasted exactly like everythi

It’s time for another edition of Six Snacks I Want Back, celebrating foods that can no longer be eaten without the aid of time machines or slipshod DIY recipes posted by liars on social media. If you missed the three previous installments, check ‘em out over here.  Oreo Big Stuf!  Th

I’ve been doing some spring cleaning, so before I shuffle parts of my old candy collection onto shelves that are too annoying to reach twice, I thought I’d pay tribute to them here. Turning crud into content makes me feel less bad about buying twenty-year-old Spider-Man gumballs, after

Continuing the series, here are yet another six snacks that I want back. You’ll notice in this edition that I’m really stretching the definition of “snack.” Please do not continue reading if you’re unable to accept two pound pitas and alcoholic beverages as “snacks.”  Giggle

I had so much fun writing Volume 1, I thought I’d dive right back in. Here are another six snacks that I want back, from chocolate-stuffed cookies to fries in juice boxes:  Cheetos Paws!  Chee-tos Paws (they didn’t drop the hyphen until later) was perhaps the snack of the early ‘

Tonight is the first chapter in what I guess we could call my personal pantheon of shitty food. From the ‘80s and ‘90s, here are six snacks I want back:  Pop Quiz Popcorn!  Made in 1992, Pop Qwiz was my jam. Believing that kids would love popcorn even more if it came in ridiculous co

Roseanne is a strong contender for my favorite sitcom, and I still watch it religiously. Only with hindsight do I see how good the show was at capturing its time, not just through its characters and situations, but through its settings. Didn’t we all grow up in houses that looked at le

Tonight’s article is about fast food kiddie bags from the 1990s, which is as close as I may ever come to literally writing about garbage. Really, focusing on the bags is just my way to highlight five memorable fast food promotions, starring everyone from Spider-Man to Amy Monkey. Mighty

My friend Lauren told me to check out Manhunter, the 1986 thriller and first-ever film to feature the Hannibal Lecter character. (Okay, Lecktor, but it was the same guy.) Many critics didn’t go gaga over Manhunter back then, but I loved it for exactly the same reasons that they ha

I had so much fun showing you old bubble gum a few weeks ago, I thought I’d do it one more time. (A few weeks from today, I’ll say the same thing. And onward goes this thing of ours.) This time, I’m breaking out some of my heaviest hitters. If it could be argued that bubble

Today I’m gonna investigate seven ancient cereals… using old supermarket coupons as my guide. If you say you saw this coming, you are such a liar. Considering how many people still talk about Ice Cream Cones Cereal, it’s hard to believe that it was so short-lived. According to W

I know I’m late on the draw and that 99% of you have already heard the news, but for the remaining 1%: French Toast Crunch is back! It’s true! The cereal debuted in 1995 but was discontinued in 2006. From then until now, you could only find French Toast Crunch on “DO YOU REMEMBER EAT

Tonight’s random topic: BUBBLE GUM. Very old bubble gum that I spent too much money on. Turning frivolous purchases into Dino Drac content is my eternal salvation, so here we are. Below: Five bubble gum brands from the ‘80s and ‘90s. May they help you remember a time when perusing th

Let’s look at five ancient cans of Chef Boyardee pasta, because of course I have those. Pac-Man Pasta! From 1986, it’s both my oldest can and the prettiest… even if one must approach “golden chicken flavored sauce” with healthy trepidation. The milky, yellow glop looks not entire

I scanned several pages from the December 1983 issue of Woman’s Day, and now I’m gonna write about them. I bet you didn’t see that one coming. Eh, you probably did. When I was tiny, my mother had many magazines just like this, filled with holiday recipes and gift guides and craft ide

Today, I’ve chosen five old cereal boxes from my worryingly large collection for a closer inspection. Far funnier than anything you’ll read below was the sight of me dragging ancient cereal boxes out into the December chill, and desperately trying to keep them upright against the nea

As you’ve probably surmised, I collect old food. Old food packaging, and actual old food. I don’t know how this became my thing, but that’s the hand I was dealt, and tonight, I’m gonna play it. So behold! Old junk food from my personal collection! You’ve seen a few of these t

During the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, Toys “R” Us ran several promotions where kids received free treat boxes with every purchase. These were essentially paper lunch boxes, filled with product samples, coupons, and if we were lucky, a little toy. They sound like simple freebies, and

Every holiday season, I’m inspired to dig through my ancient recipe books, searching for meals and appetizers that haven’t been in fashion since before I was born. Why? I DON’T KNOW. No matter how this odd passion took form, it’s been a part of my holiday celebrations for as long