Dinosaur Dracula!
Dinosaur Dracula
  • Six Snacks I Want Back, Volume 2!

    I had so much fun writing Volume 1, I thought I’d dive right back in. Here are another six snacks that I want back, from chocolate-stuffed cookies to fries in juice boxes:  Cheetos Paws!  Chee-tos Paws (they didn’t drop the hyphen until later) was perhaps the snack of the early ‘

  • Six Snacks I Want Back, Volume 1!

    Tonight is the first chapter in what I guess we could call my personal pantheon of shitty food. From the ‘80s and ‘90s, here are six snacks I want back:  Pop Quiz Popcorn!  Made in 1992, Pop Qwiz was my jam. Believing that kids would love popcorn even more if it came in ridiculous co

  • The Restaurants of Roseanne!

    Roseanne is a strong contender for my favorite sitcom, and I still watch it religiously. Only with hindsight do I see how good the show was at capturing its time, not just through its characters and situations, but through its settings. Didn’t we all grow up in houses that looked at le

  • Fast Food Kiddie Bags from the ’90s.

    Tonight’s article is about fast food kiddie bags from the 1990s, which is as close as I may ever come to literally writing about garbage. Really, focusing on the bags is just my way to highlight five memorable fast food promotions, starring everyone from Spider-Man to Amy Monkey. Mighty

  • Cereal shopping in 1986’s Manhunter.

    My friend Lauren told me to check out Manhunter, the 1986 thriller and first-ever film to feature the Hannibal Lecter character. (Okay, Lecktor, but it was the same guy.) Many critics didn’t go gaga over Manhunter back then, but I loved it for exactly the same reasons that they ha

  • More Extremely Old Bubble Gum!

    I had so much fun showing you old bubble gum a few weeks ago, I thought I’d do it one more time. (A few weeks from today, I’ll say the same thing. And onward goes this thing of ours.) This time, I’m breaking out some of my heaviest hitters. If it could be argued that bubble

  • Cereal Coupons from the ’80s and ’90s.

    Today I’m gonna investigate seven ancient cereals… using old supermarket coupons as my guide. If you say you saw this coming, you are such a liar. Considering how many people still talk about Ice Cream Cones Cereal, it’s hard to believe that it was so short-lived. According to W

  • French Toast Crunch is back!

    I know I’m late on the draw and that 99% of you have already heard the news, but for the remaining 1%: French Toast Crunch is back! It’s true! The cereal debuted in 1995 but was discontinued in 2006. From then until now, you could only find French Toast Crunch on “DO YOU REMEMBER EAT

  • Extremely Old Bubble Gum.

    Tonight’s random topic: BUBBLE GUM. Very old bubble gum that I spent too much money on. Turning frivolous purchases into Dino Drac content is my eternal salvation, so here we are. Below: Five bubble gum brands from the ‘80s and ‘90s. May they help you remember a time when perusing th

  • Five really old cans of Chef Boyardee.

    Let’s look at five ancient cans of Chef Boyardee pasta, because of course I have those. Pac-Man Pasta! From 1986, it’s both my oldest can and the prettiest… even if one must approach “golden chicken flavored sauce” with healthy trepidation. The milky, yellow glop looks not entire

  • Holiday Food Ads from 1983.

    I scanned several pages from the December 1983 issue of Woman’s Day, and now I’m gonna write about them. I bet you didn’t see that one coming. Eh, you probably did. When I was tiny, my mother had many magazines just like this, filled with holiday recipes and gift guides and craft ide

  • Five Cereals From Beyond The Grave.

    Today, I’ve chosen five old cereal boxes from my worryingly large collection for a closer inspection. Far funnier than anything you’ll read below was the sight of me dragging ancient cereal boxes out into the December chill, and desperately trying to keep them upright against the nea

  • Old Junk Food, Revisited!

    As you’ve probably surmised, I collect old food. Old food packaging, and actual old food. I don’t know how this became my thing, but that’s the hand I was dealt, and tonight, I’m gonna play it. So behold! Old junk food from my personal collection! You’ve seen a few of these t

  • 1989 Toys “R” Us Treat Box!

    During the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, Toys “R” Us ran several promotions where kids received free treat boxes with every purchase. These were essentially paper lunch boxes, filled with product samples, coupons, and if we were lucky, a little toy. They sound like simple freebies, and

  • More Ancient Holiday Appetizers!

    Every holiday season, I’m inspired to dig through my ancient recipe books, searching for meals and appetizers that haven’t been in fashion since before I was born. Why? I DON’T KNOW. No matter how this odd passion took form, it’s been a part of my holiday celebrations for as long

  • Doritos’ 1991 “Monster Match” Sweepstakes!

    Back in 1991, Doritos and Pepsi teamed to give away cash prizes in a special Halloween promotion. It was called Monster Match For Monster Money, and for a short time, it was the best thing on the planet. On specially marked packages of Doritos and Pepsi, we got game pieces that could’

  • Unwrapping BONKERS candy, from 1989!

    It all started with this thing: From 1989, it’s a promotional standee for Bonkers candy, celebrating their historic teaming with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I grew up loving everything on that standee, so when I had the chance to buy it, I jumped. If you don’t remember Bonkers, t

  • Jurassic Park Fruit Roll-Ups from 1997!

    I wasn’t sure if today’s topic truly deserved to be one, so I asked the folks on Twitter: Does anyone want to read about really old Fruit Roll-Ups? — Dinosaur Dracula (@DinosaurDracula) July 31, 2014 They said yes. And that’s how you came to read 750 words about old Fruit Roll-Ups.

  • The return of sooo many Kool-Aid flavors!

    And the hits just keep on comin’! Last November, my ears perked up during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade broadcast. As a giant Kool-Aid Man rolled down 34th Street, one of the hosts casually announced some of upcoming flavors for 2014. Among them was SHARKLEBERRY FIN. The host didn

  • OMFG, CHOCODILES HAVE RETURNED.

    Oh. Oh my. This. Words. Fireworks. Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you’re sitting down. Hostess Chocodiles… HAVE RETURNED. I’ve been staring at this mostly-blank screen for five minutes, unable to come up with sentences worthy of delivering such news. Maybe there aren’t any. Maybe I s

  • Rediscovering Life Savers Holes!

    Today I pay tribute to Life Savers Holes. Tomorrow, I vacuum the upholstery in my car. Life Savers Holes! They came, they saw, and while I was convinced that they’d conquered, the fact that they no longer exist suggests otherwise. The world at large was not ready to accept the supposed

  • Ecto Cooler spotted in movies and TV!

    The weekend marks the 30th anniversary of Ghostbusters. Let’s celebrate with Ecto Cooler! Yeah, Hi-C Ecto Cooler, something I’ve written about four thousand times before, but never from this angle. Some friends tipped me off about extremely implausible yet entirely provable Ecto Cooler

  • Five Great Old Cereals.

    I own many ancient cereal boxes. Most of them live in plastic bins on a high shelf, trapped in cramped quarters with nothing to do except barely breathe. I believe it was the Dino Pebbles, or maybe the Smurfberry Crunch, that contacted me telepathically. “Brother, we need air.”

  • Ninja Turtles Cereal from Dimension X.

    Made by Nabisco in 1991, it’s like the cereal we grew up with, but from an alternate universe. So much is different, and yet, so much is the same. Compare this with the other box, and you’ll notice how the four Turtles are basically in the same positions, and are sort of making the exa

  • Six Popsicles from the Year 2000.

    I’ve been absent for a while, busy with work, and even busier navigating the mountains of snow on the way to work. 2014 wasted no time in turning me into someone who thinks winter should be illegal. I picture a snowman on the witness stand, melting under the stress of hard questions. Unr