Dinosaur Dracula!
  • Vampire’s Secret Ice Pops!

    I’ve been waiting to write about these STUPID AWESOME POPSICLES for more than a decade. Sounds nuts, but LOOK AT THEM: I first heard of Good Humor’s Vampire’s Secret ice pops back in the early days of X-E, from readers who kinda sorta remembered them, but only with sketchy, impressi

  • Opening a can of TMNT Pasta from 1991.

    I don’t know why I’m even bothering with an intro. You’re just gonna skip ahead to the rotten pasta. Hey, I don’t blame you. I’d do the same. Behold, a sealed can of Chef Boyardee’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pasta, from 1991. Well, a formerly sealed can… DUH NUH NUH NUH NU

  • Spider-Man loves Kool-Aid Man.

    My obsession with old Kool-Aid packets takes me to strange places. Like the back pages of Spider-Man comics from the late ‘90s. Thanks to a hot tip on Twitter (love you, Aaron and Skinslip), I learned that the July 1996 issue of The Amazing Spider-Man was hiding something awesome inside

  • More Ancient Cereal Boxes!

    While tidying up my office, I came across a stash of old cereal boxes, sandwiched between far less interesting things. Below are five of them. (This is what we in the biz call a utilitarian intro.) Spider-Man Cereal! (1995) At least partially inspired by the 1994 cartoon, Ralston’s Spide


    A few hours ago, I heard a too-gentle knock on the front door. It was the FedEx guy, looking to make a delivery without any pesky conversation. That’s my kind of FedEx guy. Yes. It has arrived. ECTO COOLER. Last week, someone from Coca-Cola’s PR firm blessed me with the email to end al

  • Breakfast Cereals from the 1980s.

    Just when I thought that I’d mined nostalgia from every conceivable source, in swoops this: My buddy Paul generously donated his copy of Connections For Health, an academic textbook (or whatever) from 1986. Its 500 pages offer very little of note, but Paul noticed something awesome on

  • Six Snacks I Want Back, Volume 7!

    More amazing snacks from the '80s and '90s, reviewed! This time, I'm digging up Crunch Tators, Jolt Cola, Undercover Bears and more!

  • Doritos 3D’s STILL EXIST.

    Get ready to have your minds blown: Doritos 3D’s still exist. No, I’m not talking about those Jacked 3D things. I mean the really real deal versions. The ones that look like pregnant Bugles. THESE: But hold on. There’s a catch. To the best of my knowledge, Doritos 3D’s are only

  • TMNT Pork Rinds from 1990?!

    I spent $100 on Ninja Turtles pork rinds. Actually, with shipping, I spent $104. Distributed by Rolets in 1990, the pork rinds were meant to promote the first Ninja Turtles movie. (First and still the best, IMO.) While something pizza-related was obviously a more natural fit — and t

  • More Old Junk Food, Revisited.

    Here’s another bunch of old junk food from my always-growing collection. At this point, our apartment stocks more old food than new food. It’s like the world’s most misleading pick for a emergency fallout shelter. WWF Superstars of Wrestling Bars! More commonly known as WWF Ice Crea

  • 12 Groceries from the ’80s and ’90s.

    Hello! Below are twelve things that we used to buy from supermarkets. May they make you pine for things you can no longer eat, wear, style with, and/or swallow when you have a headache. (ad from 1986) Wise Cottage Fries were big, thick, ridged potato chips. These were a major favorite of

  • Crystal Pepsi is BACK, baby!

    I have a bottle of Crystal Pepsi! And it only cost as much as dinner for two! I can’t imagine that many of you missed the news, but yes, Pepsi — inspired by an online campaign spearheaded by competitive eater L.A. Beast — has dusted off perhaps its most famously infamous soft

  • Five Cereal Boxes from Christmases Past!

    Below: Five cereal boxes from Christmases past. They’re all from my personal collection. I’ll thank you in advance for reading this, as it helps to justify why I have a personal collection of Christmassy cereal boxes. As always, you’re my silent enablers. My tongueless Iagos. Go

  • The Mostly-Complete History of Ecto Cooler.

    Midway through Thanksgiving, the news broke: Coca-Cola has renewed its trademark for Ecto Cooler, signaling mass speculation that the ghoulish green beverage just might be returning as part of the Ghostbusters reboot push. This trademark renewal does not in of itself guarantee Ecto Cooler

  • Another Batch of Ancient Holiday Appetizers!

    Ah, it’s that time of year again! Time to make funky appetizers from the 1960s! As longtime readers know, I’m obsessed with old cookbooks. Specifically, cookbooks from that weird stretch of years when every other recipe called for unflavored gelatin. This obsession hits a fever pitch d

  • Opening a pack of P.B. Crisps from 1993!

    Tonight I’m gonna open a pack of Planters P.B. Crisps from 1993. That’s the short version of the story, at least. Now the longer one must be told. Google around, and you’ll find a seemingly limitless number of pleas for Planters to bring them back. P.B. Crisps were an immediate succe

  • The Purple Stuff Podcast: Episode 14!

    Thanks to the tremendous response from our listeners, The Purple Stuff Podcast — originally conceived as a Halloween-only show — now continues on a weekly basis with no end in sight! This week, me and Jay from The Sexy Armpit cover a bunch of discontinued junk foods that weR

  • Halloween Cereals from the 1990s!

    Monster Pops? Halloween Honeycomb? Here are some of the best -- and rarest -- Halloween-themed cereals from the 1990s! Yes, of course I just happen to have the old boxes laying around to take pictures of.

  • Halloween McNugget Buddies were SO GOOD.

    I will always be loyal to McDonald’s, and that has little to do with the company’s food. God knows how many paper-wrapped cheeseburgers I tore through during adolescence, but what I really loved about the place was how it could turn nothing days into something days. This was especially

  • Six Snacks I Want Back, Volume 6!

    It’s time for another edition of Six Snacks I Want Back, celebrating the varied fuels of our long forgotten sugar rushes. Read and get hungry!  Butterfinger Ice Cream Nuggets!  Remember when Bart turned us all into Butterfinger fans? Don’t get me wrong — I’m sure some folks

  • Fictional Food That Looks Friggin’ Good.

    Tonight we’re gonna look at eight fictitious foods from movies and television that I really, really want to eat. If I’m ever condemned, my last meal request will include three fish biscuits and a tall glass of whatever that shit was that they drank in Death Becomes Her. #1: Luke’

  • More ’80s and ’90s Candy!

    Tonight’s focus: More ridiculous candy from the ‘80s and ‘90s. I doubt you’re surprised. I’m very excited about this batch, which includes a few expired edibles that I never thought I’d be able to reclaim. My sources of triumph are sad, and uniquely mine. Chew Fun Bubble Gum No

  • Five McDonald’s Happy Meal Boxes.

    Let’s take a look at five old McDonald’s Happy Meal boxes, and see how many tangentially related paragraphs they inspire. You may consider this a surrogate sequel to my article about old fast food bags. God, I write about a lot of garbage! Back to the Future Happy Meal! Year: 1991 Wow,

  • Five More Cereals From Beyond The Grave.

    Long ago, I wrote about five ancient cereal boxes from my personal collection. Later, I did it again. Since many of you seem to find great joy in the idea that I’m surrounded by decades-old food, I think we’ll go for the triple. Here are five more cereals from beyond the grave: Morning

  • Six Snacks I Want Back, Volume 5!

    Welcome to the fifth edition of Six Snacks I Want Back, where I torment you by celebrating foods you can no longer eat! Side bonus: Lots of heavy GIFs sure to aggravate the site’s mobile users!  Chef Boyardee Sharks!  Debuting somewhere around 1990, Sharks tasted exactly like everythi