Dinosaur Dracula!
Dinosaur Dracula
  • More Old Junk Food, Revisited.

    Here’s another bunch of old junk food from my always-growing collection. At this point, our apartment stocks more old food than new food. It’s like the world’s most misleading pick for a emergency fallout shelter. WWF Superstars of Wrestling Bars! More commonly known as WWF Ice Crea

  • 12 Groceries from the ’80s and ’90s.

    Hello! Below are twelve things that we used to buy from supermarkets. May they make you pine for things you can no longer eat, wear, style with, and/or swallow when you have a headache. (ad from 1986) Wise Cottage Fries were big, thick, ridged potato chips. These were a major favorite of

  • Crystal Pepsi is BACK, baby!

    I have a bottle of Crystal Pepsi! And it only cost as much as dinner for two! I can’t imagine that many of you missed the news, but yes, Pepsi — inspired by an online campaign spearheaded by competitive eater L.A. Beast — has dusted off perhaps its most famously infamous soft

  • Five Cereal Boxes from Christmases Past!

    Below: Five cereal boxes from Christmases past. They’re all from my personal collection. I’ll thank you in advance for reading this, as it helps to justify why I have a personal collection of Christmassy cereal boxes. As always, you’re my silent enablers. My tongueless Iagos. Go

  • The Mostly-Complete History of Ecto Cooler.

    Midway through Thanksgiving, the news broke: Coca-Cola has renewed its trademark for Ecto Cooler, signaling mass speculation that the ghoulish green beverage just might be returning as part of the Ghostbusters reboot push. This trademark renewal does not in of itself guarantee Ecto Cooler

  • Another Batch of Ancient Holiday Appetizers!

    Ah, it’s that time of year again! Time to make funky appetizers from the 1960s! As longtime readers know, I’m obsessed with old cookbooks. Specifically, cookbooks from that weird stretch of years when every other recipe called for unflavored gelatin. This obsession hits a fever pitch d

  • Opening a pack of P.B. Crisps from 1993!

    Tonight I’m gonna open a pack of Planters P.B. Crisps from 1993. That’s the short version of the story, at least. Now the longer one must be told. Google around, and you’ll find a seemingly limitless number of pleas for Planters to bring them back. P.B. Crisps were an immediate succe

  • The Purple Stuff Podcast: Episode 14!

    Thanks to the tremendous response from our listeners, The Purple Stuff Podcast — originally conceived as a Halloween-only show — now continues on a weekly basis with no end in sight! This week, me and Jay from The Sexy Armpit cover a bunch of discontinued junk foods that weR

  • Halloween Cereals from the 1990s!

    Monster Pops? Halloween Honeycomb? Here are some of the best -- and rarest -- Halloween-themed cereals from the 1990s! Yes, of course I just happen to have the old boxes laying around to take pictures of.

  • Halloween McNugget Buddies were SO GOOD.

    I will always be loyal to McDonald’s, and that has little to do with the company’s food. God knows how many paper-wrapped cheeseburgers I tore through during adolescence, but what I really loved about the place was how it could turn nothing days into something days. This was especially

  • Six Snacks I Want Back, Volume 6!

    It’s time for another edition of Six Snacks I Want Back, celebrating the varied fuels of our long forgotten sugar rushes. Read and get hungry!  Butterfinger Ice Cream Nuggets!  Remember when Bart turned us all into Butterfinger fans? Don’t get me wrong — I’m sure some folks

  • Fictional Food That Looks Friggin’ Good.

    Tonight we’re gonna look at eight fictitious foods from movies and television that I really, really want to eat. If I’m ever condemned, my last meal request will include three fish biscuits and a tall glass of whatever that shit was that they drank in Death Becomes Her. #1: Luke’

  • More ’80s and ’90s Candy!

    Tonight’s focus: More ridiculous candy from the ‘80s and ‘90s. I doubt you’re surprised. I’m very excited about this batch, which includes a few expired edibles that I never thought I’d be able to reclaim. My sources of triumph are sad, and uniquely mine. Chew Fun Bubble Gum No

  • Five McDonald’s Happy Meal Boxes.

    Let’s take a look at five old McDonald’s Happy Meal boxes, and see how many tangentially related paragraphs they inspire. You may consider this a surrogate sequel to my article about old fast food bags. God, I write about a lot of garbage! Back to the Future Happy Meal! Year: 1991 Wow,

  • Five More Cereals From Beyond The Grave.

    Long ago, I wrote about five ancient cereal boxes from my personal collection. Later, I did it again. Since many of you seem to find great joy in the idea that I’m surrounded by decades-old food, I think we’ll go for the triple. Here are five more cereals from beyond the grave: Morning

  • Six Snacks I Want Back, Volume 5!

    Welcome to the fifth edition of Six Snacks I Want Back, where I torment you by celebrating foods you can no longer eat! Side bonus: Lots of heavy GIFs sure to aggravate the site’s mobile users!  Chef Boyardee Sharks!  Debuting somewhere around 1990, Sharks tasted exactly like everythi

  • Six Snacks I Want Back, Volume 4!

    It’s time for another edition of Six Snacks I Want Back, celebrating foods that can no longer be eaten without the aid of time machines or slipshod DIY recipes posted by liars on social media. If you missed the three previous installments, check ‘em out over here.  Oreo Big Stuf!  Th

  • More Weird ’80s and ’90s Candy.

    I’ve been doing some spring cleaning, so before I shuffle parts of my old candy collection onto shelves that are too annoying to reach twice, I thought I’d pay tribute to them here. Turning crud into content makes me feel less bad about buying twenty-year-old Spider-Man gumballs, after

  • Six Snacks I Want Back, Volume 3!

    Continuing the series, here are yet another six snacks that I want back. You’ll notice in this edition that I’m really stretching the definition of “snack.” Please do not continue reading if you’re unable to accept two pound pitas and alcoholic beverages as “snacks.”  Giggle

  • Six Snacks I Want Back, Volume 2!

    I had so much fun writing Volume 1, I thought I’d dive right back in. Here are another six snacks that I want back, from chocolate-stuffed cookies to fries in juice boxes:  Cheetos Paws!  Chee-tos Paws (they didn’t drop the hyphen until later) was perhaps the snack of the early ‘

  • Six Snacks I Want Back, Volume 1!

    Tonight is the first chapter in what I guess we could call my personal pantheon of shitty food. From the ‘80s and ‘90s, here are six snacks I want back:  Pop Quiz Popcorn!  Made in 1992, Pop Qwiz was my jam. Believing that kids would love popcorn even more if it came in ridiculous co

  • The Restaurants of Roseanne!

    Roseanne is a strong contender for my favorite sitcom, and I still watch it religiously. Only with hindsight do I see how good the show was at capturing its time, not just through its characters and situations, but through its settings. Didn’t we all grow up in houses that looked at le

  • Fast Food Kiddie Bags from the ’90s.

    Tonight’s article is about fast food kiddie bags from the 1990s, which is as close as I may ever come to literally writing about garbage. Really, focusing on the bags is just my way to highlight five memorable fast food promotions, starring everyone from Spider-Man to Amy Monkey. Mighty

  • Cereal shopping in 1986’s Manhunter.

    My friend Lauren told me to check out Manhunter, the 1986 thriller and first-ever film to feature the Hannibal Lecter character. (Okay, Lecktor, but it was the same guy.) Many critics didn’t go gaga over Manhunter back then, but I loved it for exactly the same reasons that they ha

  • More Extremely Old Bubble Gum!

    I had so much fun showing you old bubble gum a few weeks ago, I thought I’d do it one more time. (A few weeks from today, I’ll say the same thing. And onward goes this thing of ours.) This time, I’m breaking out some of my heaviest hitters. If it could be argued that bubble