I ate pancakes at the Friday the 13th diner.
Hey, did you hear? It’s Friday the 13th. I hope you’re making the most of this holy day, whether it’s with movie marathons or masked mirror selfies.
I wasn’t planning anything special for the occasion, but on a hot tip from my pal Lindsey, I ended up in Blairstown, New Jersey, where parts of the original Friday the 13th were filmed.
There’s a lot happening there today. Movie screenings, meet-and-greets with various Jasons, and the list goes on and on. I can’t tell you about any of that, though. I just went there for goddamned bloody pancakes.
Shown above is the Blairstown Diner, which famously made an appearance in the first film. It’s a year-round tourist stop for diehard fans, but on Friday the 13th, this place really plays it up. More on that in a minute.
As a refresher, here’s what the diner looked like in the movie. You’ll note that Steve Christy and Sandy the Waitress shared a hairdo, and I submit that this is why they got along so well.
And here’s what it looks like now.
Sure, I could’ve taken better shots for comparison, but this place was MOBBED. Just crawling with Friday the 13th fans, who inelegantly mixed with the diner’s usual clientele. I didn’t want to go snapping photos of total strangers eating their french fries, because I’d hope that total strangers would extend me the same courtesy.
I begged Jay to come with me because… well, by this point, you guys know me. Do I seem like the type of person who can handle dining out alone? I can barely handle those three-second convos with the mailman when he drops off eBay garbage.
He agreed, and neither of us regretted the drive. Between the life-sized Jason standee and the dozens of hockey masks hanging all over the diner, this was so our shit.
Course, spooky decorations and a neat filming location weren’t enough to get our asses to Blairstown. What really drew us there was the diner’s special Friday the 13th menu, loaded with Jason-themed meals. I’m writing this like it’s nothing, so just for emphasis: JASON-THEMED MEALS.
(And yeah, I took that menu home. I’ll hang it in the same way I assume normal people hang diplomas.)
I went with the STALKED COUNSELORS, which the menu described as “two pancakes found dead, drowned with red strawberry sauce.”
My photos don’t do it justice. This was delicious, even if I knew better than to allow myself more than a few bites. Those video shoots are hard enough, y’know?
On the other hand, I ate the bacon in three seconds flat.
Obviously, the strawberry sauce is meant to mimic blood. I can’t tell you what a thrill it was to pretend that my pancakes were dead bodies. It’s something I plan to do much more often from this point forward.
Jay ordered the SLASHER BURGER, which was basically an everyday cheeseburger topped with a fried egg. Since the food itself wasn’t very thematic, I guess Jay reasoned that this was his only chance to say the phrase “SLASHER BURGER” with complete contextuality. He had to shoot his shot.
As Purple Stuff listeners would guess, this isn’t how Jay normally eats. This isn’t how he ever eats, actually. I’ve seen the guy try to order steamed broccoli from gas stations. On the way home, he complained about heartburn and tried to blame the Dunkin Donuts coffee, and I was like, “Really? You think it’s the coffee and not the fact that you just ate red meat, bread, cheese and french fries for the first time in three years?”
He kinda shrugged in that “I’m not listening to you” sort of way, probably because he was busy liking Alexa Bliss posts on Instagram.
That’s us at the diner. Jay looked like Jay, but I hadn’t shaved, was wearing a hoodie covered in shouldn’t-have-washed-this fuzz, and my hair looked what you pull out of the shower drain after eight months of frustration. So, naturally, we were recognized there, by two lovely folks who knew us from the show. (If they’re reading, hi Sara and Tyler! You were great. Sorry about my hair.)
And that was our day. We took a 90-minute drive into Blairtown to eat one pancake and two bites of a SLASHER BURGER, and then spent twice as long getting home because it was rush hour and we couldn’t have timed things worse.
Worth it? You fucking bet. It’s Friday the 13th! During the Halloween season! MY PANCAKE WAS MEANT TO REPRESENT A DEAD CAMP COUNSELOR.
Thanks for reading. If nothing else, I hope this article will inspire you to turn next-to-nothing into a Halloween adventure. I mean, I got 800 happy words out of this, and literally all I did was drive to a diner and eat bacon.
