Earlier this week, I kicked off a new series on Dino Drac: Old Junk Food in Old Movies. Now even the worst movies are worth watching, because who knows, maybe I’ll spot a can of discontinued Pringles hiding in the background.
You can read the first volume over here, but if you ask me, this batch is way better:
Movie: Encino Man (1992)
Junk Food: Ninja Turtles Pies!
When Stoney takes Link to the convenience store, there’s a barely-visible yet unmistakable shot of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pudding Pie. I’m so proud of myself for discovering this! If you remember me for nothing else, “found a TMNT Pie in Encino Man” is solid enough.
Fresh from the sewer to you, the pies were filled with vanilla pudding and smothered with green icing. Biting into one was somewhere in the area of biting into a giant beetle, which isn’t something I say from experience yet still say with confidence.
Movie: Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)
Junk Food: Apple Slice!
As mentioned on a long-ago episode of The Purple Stuff Podcast, get a load of that can of Apple Slice, hiding in plain sight during the picnic scene in Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. (If you remember the movie, the Apple Slice turns up about ten seconds after the Tic Tac pie.
I didn’t drink much Apple Slice as a kid, I guess because you don’t graduate from apple juice to soda just to drink more apple juice. Now a mature adult, I’m floored by the concept. Carbonated apple juice! Apple soda! In a gold can that seemed completely at odds with its low retail price!
My only regret is that I couldn’t find a shot with Elvira and the Apple Slice onscreen together. Edie McClurg is a solid consolation prize, though. From Bonnie Brindle to Mrs. Poole, she’s attacked every role like a tornado, making even the most flaccid scenes staged from sitcom kitchens seem like limbo nights on cheap cruises.
Movie: Big (1988)
Junk Food: Strawberry Squares Cereal!
When adult-bodied Josh freaks his mother out, pay less attention to Ma’s knife and more attention to the counter behind her. Strawberry Squares! The name of a terrific cereal, and also of a critical level in at least 600 Facebook games.
Strawberry Squares was part of a trio of Kellogg’s cereals, joining Raisin Squares and Apple Cinnamon Squares. Of course, to me that reads less like “trio” and more like “Skeletor with henchmen,” because Strawberry Squares was so clearly the best of them. Just looking at that box makes my mouth think it’s eating Starburst.
The cereal was essentially Unfrosted Mini-Wheats Upgraded with Semi-Gooey Strawberry Centers, which I’ve title-cased because I wish THAT was its name.
Movie: Blue Streak (1999)
Junk Food: Paradise Punch Bubblicious!
There’s a convenience store shootout scene during Blue Streak, where Martin Lawrence and Dave Chappelle hide under bags of Fritos. I spotted many discontinued junk foods during that scene, including several that would be of more interest to you than this gum. Whatever, I don’t care. Paradise Punch was the shit beyond all other the-shits.
It’s hard to believe that Bubblicious canned this flavor, but I can’t find proof of its continued existence. Honestly, even if I could, Paradise Punch wouldn’t be the same in modern Bubblicious packaging. I need the wrapper to evoke visions of Edie McClurg’s shipboard limbo night, you know?
Paradise Punch debuted long before 1999, of course. It was right up there with Cinn-a-Burst as my favorite “junior high gum,” both for how it tasted and for how I used it to pay off mean strangers at school.
It had a sickly sweet flavor not unlike Hawaiian Punch, and when you blew a bubble, your face resembled a baboon’s caudal ejector.
Movie: The Lost Boys (1987)
Junk Food: Peanut Butter Boppers!
With due credit, I was reminded about this by Cody from Facebook. Thanks, Cody from Facebook!
When Grandpa warns Michael and Sam to stay away from his special refrigerator shelf, a box of Peanut Butter Boppers is plainly seen. The box is so conspicuous that I wouldn’t rule out paid product placement. If there’s one thing you can always count on, it’s Nature Valley worming its way into R-rated vampire movies.
I suppose Peanut Butter Boppers could best be described as a sort of deconstructed artisanal granola bar, albeit without any granola. See, the reason I run my own site is so I can get away with sentences like that.
The little logs of peanut butter were crusted with cookies, crackers, nuts, rice and other crumbly things, depending on the particular flavor. Peanut Butter Boppers were so delicious that old school fans still try to recreate them at home.
Thanks for reading about more old junk food from more old movies.