L’eggs Eggs = Best Toys Ever?

From baker’s twine to pizza box tents, some of the best toys were never meant to be toys.

My all-time favorite example? L’eggs pantyhose eggs, baby.

Back in the ’80s, L’eggs stuffed bargain-priced pantyhose into plastic eggs. Some were clear, others white or black, and some even gold or silver. Growing up in a houseful of women, these eggs were never in short supply.

They were basically the same as plastic Easter eggs, but four times larger. Just big enough to work as action figure vehicles.

Whenever I caught someone fiddling with new pantyhose, I demanded the egg. For the next hour, I’d be lost in my tiny, wondrous world, guiding four inch action figures on flying tours of the house.

I regarded the eggs as a mix of Orkan spaceships and Rebel escape pods. But I only ever called them “eggs.”

Sometimes I left off the top halves and treated the eggs like Cobra Flight Pods, to be used by nameless troops on missions of surveillance.

You’d know I was doing that whenever I started making noises like George Jetson’s space car. I was five. And fourteen.

Alternatively, those who piloted the eggs wouldn’t be troops, but kings!

The idea was that the egg wasn’t merely a means of transport, but a mystical device capable of shooting invisible laser fire, all while deflecting whatever the hell you’d try to fight invisible laser fire with.

My other figures would tiptoe around the egg bearer, fearful of his wrath. I’d get a contact high.

On rarer occasions, the eggs would be prisons.

They were the best action figure prisons I’ve ever owned, and that’s coming from someone who had a MOTU Fright Zone.

My prisoners were like Han Solo trapped in carbonite, but even more tormented. They could move, but only a tiny bit. They could yell, but that wouldn’t stop my meaner figures from rolling them down steep hills.

It would’ve looked more twisted had my free hand not been busying itself with a pack of Fruit Wrinkles.

As far as I know, L’eggs no longer sells pantyhose in the egg containers. I guess it’s because including plastic eggs with throwaway pantyhose is wasteful in the same way that the McDLT’s container was.

My thing is, I don’t plan to live to 100.

Thank you for reading about old pantyhose containers.

I know what you come here for.