Dino Drac’s March Funpack is here!
I’m late as hell in posting the March Funpack, continuing a trend that I hope to break by next month, no matter how much 2025 throws at me! But, rest assured, they’ve already been shipping, and all subscriber boxes are on their way! (Many have already been delivered, too.)
ANYWAY, yes, the March Funpack is here, and it’s a big one. I mean that literally. Larger-than-usual and heavier-than-usual, to accommodate a certain key item that I’m thrilled to share with y’all.
Subscriptions are currently closed, but if you’d like to buy just this one Funpack, I have a small number of spares that I can offer on an individual basis. The cost is $25, shipped to anywhere in the United States, which is a bargain in a world where a single egg costs two hundred and thirty-seven dollars.
Jump to the bottom for ordering info, or keep reading to learn about everything in this month’s box!
The star of the March Funpack is this very very vintage Plastic Slinky, case-fresh, unused, and never-removed from its super old display box!
This was a lucky warehouse find, and the Slinkys (Slinkies?) are coming straight out of their factory cases in impossibly good shape. While the boxes are undated, my gut tells me that these are from the ‘80s – but they’re certainly from no later than the early to mid ‘90s, considering that box design. Just looking at it makes me feel like I’m back in the old house, surrounded by wood paneling and framed photos of dead people.
The Slinkys come in pink, orange or purple. You’ll get one at random. These fothermuckers are BIG and HEAVY, guys. If you’ve gotten used to the “budget” Slinkys that are more commonly seen these days, prepare to have your hands full!
Next up, you’ll each receive an adorable plush E.T. clip-on doll, which are undated but pretty darn old. My guess is that they came out during the merchandise blitz surrounding the film’s re-release in 2002, but if not, they’re certainly not much newer than that.
Despite their advanced age, these are in brand new condition and being pulled from a sealed factory case. Some of the tags are a little bent, but they’re all still attached.
These little plush dolls have an attached clip if you want to hang them off a book bag or belt loop or whatever. Personally, I’d let them rest in a tiny-sized bed and regularly feed them Cheetos.
One neat thing is that while they’re all the same doll, I’ve noticed that no two are exactly alike. The differences are minuscule, but they’re there. Apparently, E.T. plushies are like snowflakes!
You’ll also receive a super vintage Ronald McDonald patch, which is really more like an oversized fuzzy sticker. You could gently use an iron to glue them onto a denim jacket, but you’ll probably settle on decorating a notebook or something.
I believe these were originally crammed into capsules and sold as vending machine prizes in the 1980s. Fortunately, yours avoided that fate and is still perfectly flat, and somehow, still perfectly adhesive!
It’s hard to tell from the photo, but these suckers are pretty big, too. I’d say around three inches tall? While you wait for your Funpack to arrive, try to decide on the perfect place to stick Ronald. It’s almost time to get down with the clown.
Okay, this next one will take some explaining from me… and maybe a little compassion from you!
You’ll each receive one of these Squish ‘Ums Skull Series blind bags, each containing a colorful skull who can’t wait to be squished!
The good news is that you’re all getting one. The bad news is that these Squish ‘Ums are like seven years old, and I’ve discovered that some of them have lost some of their “effervescence” over the years. Those skulls are now a bit shrunken down, resembling an oversized inedible Peep.
It was too late to pivot, so we are just going to run with this! In the photo above, I’m giving you an honest look at a bunch of them. The blue one is “normal,” and then I picked four others that felt the “worst.” So if you’re lucky, you get one like Mr. Blue, and if you’re a little less lucky, you get a sad, tormented skull who has been through a lot but still needs a good home.
Consider it your good deed for the month. Even if your Squish ‘Ums Skull comes out of the bag looking deflated, it still needs squishing to achieve its destiny, and I’m putting that responsibility in your hands!
For this month’s snack, I’m throwing you a real curveball. Since this month’s shipping box is taller than usual, I’m taking advantage with a taller-than-usual food!
You’ll each receive one of these Quaker Oatmeal single-serve cups, where a little hot water is all you’ll need to have a cupful of delicious oatmeal. Remember to do your Wilford Brimley imitation while you eat it.
In the mix are Honey & Almonds, Maple & Brown Sugar, and Apples & Cinnamon. All are delicious, and you’ll get one at random. A cozy meal to eat while you figure out what to do with your giant Ronald McDonald sticker!
Rounding things out is this pile of goodies, starting with this month’s 5×7” cardstock mini-poster, which reprints a classic Wendy’s 99-cent value menu ad from way back when.
Joining it is this month’s 2×2” sticker (hi, Captain Power), the Funpack Newsletter, plus an exclusive essay that will never be reprinted on the site!
(This month’s essay is one of my favorites. It’s about a very weird comic book store I used to visit during the 1990s comic book boom, when such shops were popping up all over the place. This was the kind of place that could have only existed during that craze!)
So yep, you’ll get everything shown here, delivered straight to your door for $25 shipped!
If you’re already a subscriber and you’d like to stay that way… do nothing! You’re all set, and your box is already on the way.
If you’re NOT a subscriber but still want this month’s Funpack, you can purchase one by clicking the button below. Supplies are very limited! New orders are shipped out within 24 hours.
Thanks a ton, everyone! So much good stuff yet to come in 2025!
