2015’s Best Holiday Junk Food, Part 2!
I’m so impressed with this year’s holiday junk food haul. We usually get a few neat things, but it seems like Christmas has finally adopted Halloween’s strategy of turning every imaginable snack into something for-the-now-and-now-only.
I already showed you five of this year’s best yuletide edibles. Below are another five. And I still have enough left to knock out 2-3 more additions to this series before December ends. We’re all gonna be so huge.
Cheetos Sweetos!
These actually debuted last Easter, but I much prefer the new winter digs. Cheetos Sweetos replace the usual cheesy dust with cinnamon and sugar, forging weird faux onion rings that smell exactly like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It’s like junk food’s version of The Homer.
I admire the effort, but I can’t call them a favorite. Cinnamon doesn’t blend into Cheeto meat as well as cheese does, so it’s like a flash of sugary flavors followed by three difficult bites of bland, naked Cheetos. They’re not disgusting or anything, but if I’m going to allow myself Cheeto levels of saturated fat, I think I need actual cheese.
Plus side? The shiny purple bag makes you feel like you’re buying a 1992 comic book with an exploitative limited edition cover. Read More…
Classic Christmas Commercials, Volume 6!
I think it’s safe to say that we’re in the holiday season now, right? Good. That means I can blather on about old Christmas commercials without those nagging doubts.
Yes, it’s time for the glorious return of Classic Christmas Commercials, the series in which I celebrate batches of old TV ads, all featuring some degree of yuletide cheer.
All of these were donated by my pal Larry P., who knows full well that the key to my undying loyalty is a commercial for Cool Whip starring an orgasmic Santa Claus. I’m easy to please, so long as you’re hyper-specific.
Christmas Crunch Cereal! (1988)
Hard to believe that this is the first time I’ve mentioned this ad on Dino Drac. It was one of my major favorites as a kid, and if pushed, I’d probably still count it among my top ten Christmassy commercials of all time.
Christmas Crunch is still around, of course, but it hardly means as much now. Back in the ‘80s and early ‘90s? Good God. It was an integral to the season as virtually anything else I could name. Right between “Christmas tree” and “red & green M&M’s.”
The beautifully animated commercial looked like a teaser for a nonexistent Rankin/Bass special. Pay close attention to the last ten seconds, where we break from the cartoon for a look at Christmas Crunch’s best-ever cereal premium: Cardboard Christmas tree ornaments starring the Cap’n and the evil Soggies! Read More…
Opening a pack of P.B. Crisps from 1993!
Tonight I’m gonna open a pack of Planters P.B. Crisps from 1993.
That’s the short version of the story, at least. Now the longer one must be told.
Google around, and you’ll find a seemingly limitless number of pleas for Planters to bring them back. P.B. Crisps were an immediate success upon their debut, but for whatever reason, their reign only lasted a few years. By 1995, the snacks were discontinued, leaving us only with the bittersweet memories of their unique brand of deliciousness.
(Sorry, Nutter Butters. P.B. Crisps you ain’t.)
Poring over the many sites paying aggravated tributes to P.B. Crisps, I couldn’t find a single one that had a really-real photo of them. I’m here to fix that.
Shown above is an honest-to-goodness package of them, from 1993. As much as it pains me to break the seal on any of my irreplaceable lovelies, I feel that this is my pathetic destiny. In a past life, I was a literal sad trombone. Read More…
Another Toys “R” Us Treat Box from the ’90s!
Remember when Toys “R” Us gave out adorable cardboard boxes filled with free samples? You should, because this marks the fourth time I’ve written about them. If you’re new, this old newspaper ad should bring you up to speed:
That particular ad promoted what I believe was Toys “R” Us’s first “R” Treat box, from 1989. I’ve already reviewed that one, along with another from 1992, and still another. Seems I’ve spent a concerning amount of time writing about candy samples from 25 years ago.
Every time TRU dusted off the promotion, the basic tenets were the same: Little boxes stuffed with stuff, available for free to anyone who visited a Toys “R” Us store. (You were supposed to bring a coupon, but as I recall, they gave no shits if you didn’t have one.)
Since the contents typically amounted to sample-sized bags of chocolate and maybe a free toothbrush, it’s hard to explain why kids went so wild for these boxes. And hey, I dunno, maybe they didn’t. But I sure did.
And the point of rehashing things you’ve already read about on Dino Drac? Well, that. I’ve found another one! From 1994, this “R” Treat box helped promote The Flintstones movie, with images of John Goodman and Dino littering each of the pentagonal box’s sides. That alone wouldn’t be enough to merit a fourth tribute, but wait until you see what’s inside! Read More…