Another Batch of Ancient Holiday Appetizers!
Ah, it’s that time of year again! Time to make funky appetizers from the 1960s!
As longtime readers know, I’m obsessed with old cookbooks. Specifically, cookbooks from that weird stretch of years when every other recipe called for unflavored gelatin. This obsession hits a fever pitch during the holiday season, because even if the cookbooks made no such claims, every appetizer in them sounds Christmassy to me.
After spending many years simply reading these ancient recipes, I’ve spent the last few years actively putting them to use. In 2012 and again in 2014, you’ve seen the results of these bizarre experiments. Some of the appetizers were doubtlessly in bad taste by today’s standards, but despite such reader responses as “no thanks” and “that’s literally shit,” most of them turned out better than they sounded.
Below are five more recipes for ancient holiday appetizers, predominantly plucked from the pages of hardbound Better Homes and Gardens books from the 1960s.
Thing to note: I’ve tried all of these, and ALL of them are good. I swear.
To be honest, I only made this Avocado-Cranberry Salad because it sounded like a good photo. Little did I know that the ridiculous components of avocado slices, cubes of cranberry sauce and goddamned french dressing would make for something that I’d make-and-eat even when there wasn’t a Dino Drac review on the line.
My description won’t be much help, but here it goes: It’s like the free salad course from a mid-level restaurant that desperately wants you to think it’s fancy. There’s a fine line between class and trash, and I’ve come to realize that pure nirvana exists squarely on that line. This salad is boss.
Start with a bed of lettuce. Add diced celery, avocado slices and chunks of jellied cranberry sauce. Drizzle with french dressing. The cookbook I got this from offered no photographic assistance, but the dish still looked like it belonged on its front cover. This is so ‘60s. Read More…
He-Man at the 1985 Macy’s Parade!
Did you know that He-Man and She-Ra appeared at the 1985 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade? It’s true! And I’ll be showing you the proof! Just you wait!
Masters of the Universe was on top of the world in 1985, so it made sense for He-Man to snag an appearance at the annual parade. Of course, where a giant Orko balloon might’ve sufficed, Mattel had much more ambitious ideas:
They were gonna stage a massive Eternian war across a giant, three-part float.
I’ve pulled the clip from my rapidly degrading old videocassette. If you’re not sitting down, you might want to:
WHAT A FLOAT. It was huge, awesome and utterly confusing. Covered with cumbersomely-costumed characters and representing three focal areas from Masters of the Universe lore, nobody could claim that Mattel scrimped on the production. If anything, they tried to do more than was humanly possible.
No matter how you slice it, this was the most badass thing a kid could see back in ’85. Let me walk you through the series of events, because no matter how many times you watch that clip, you’re gonna miss something… Read More…
2015’s Best Holiday Junk Food, Part 2!
I’m so impressed with this year’s holiday junk food haul. We usually get a few neat things, but it seems like Christmas has finally adopted Halloween’s strategy of turning every imaginable snack into something for-the-now-and-now-only.
I already showed you five of this year’s best yuletide edibles. Below are another five. And I still have enough left to knock out 2-3 more additions to this series before December ends. We’re all gonna be so huge.
Cheetos Sweetos!
These actually debuted last Easter, but I much prefer the new winter digs. Cheetos Sweetos replace the usual cheesy dust with cinnamon and sugar, forging weird faux onion rings that smell exactly like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It’s like junk food’s version of The Homer.
I admire the effort, but I can’t call them a favorite. Cinnamon doesn’t blend into Cheeto meat as well as cheese does, so it’s like a flash of sugary flavors followed by three difficult bites of bland, naked Cheetos. They’re not disgusting or anything, but if I’m going to allow myself Cheeto levels of saturated fat, I think I need actual cheese.
Plus side? The shiny purple bag makes you feel like you’re buying a 1992 comic book with an exploitative limited edition cover. Read More…
Classic Christmas Commercials, Volume 6!
I think it’s safe to say that we’re in the holiday season now, right? Good. That means I can blather on about old Christmas commercials without those nagging doubts.
Yes, it’s time for the glorious return of Classic Christmas Commercials, the series in which I celebrate batches of old TV ads, all featuring some degree of yuletide cheer.
All of these were donated by my pal Larry P., who knows full well that the key to my undying loyalty is a commercial for Cool Whip starring an orgasmic Santa Claus. I’m easy to please, so long as you’re hyper-specific.
Christmas Crunch Cereal! (1988)
Hard to believe that this is the first time I’ve mentioned this ad on Dino Drac. It was one of my major favorites as a kid, and if pushed, I’d probably still count it among my top ten Christmassy commercials of all time.
Christmas Crunch is still around, of course, but it hardly means as much now. Back in the ‘80s and early ‘90s? Good God. It was an integral to the season as virtually anything else I could name. Right between “Christmas tree” and “red & green M&M’s.”
The beautifully animated commercial looked like a teaser for a nonexistent Rankin/Bass special. Pay close attention to the last ten seconds, where we break from the cartoon for a look at Christmas Crunch’s best-ever cereal premium: Cardboard Christmas tree ornaments starring the Cap’n and the evil Soggies! Read More…