Guys! I found the perfect subject for Cruel Summer’s first video:

That thing. A Talking Cryptkeeper doll from 1993, where our pal is randomly dressed like a beach bum. Dude could be the mascot for Cruel Summer.

Here’s everything you need to know about this sunny savage, in just under five minutes:

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The doll was sold under the Tales from the Cryptkeeper banner, which was a (pretty successful) attempt to turn the goriest show on television into a kid-targeted animated series. Even so, this doll more closely resembled our pal from his live action appearances, where he was extra gnarly and meat-like. Read More…

I’ve owned more Happy Meal sets than I can remember, but only a few transcended the novelty of “free toys.” Getting plastic baubles with my McNuggets was always welcome, but on certain occasions, those plastic baubles were my total reasons for being.

The Super Mario Bros. 3 Happy Meal, from 1990, was definitely one of those occasions. Remember, Nintendo toys in general were scarce back then. Even when they did pop up, the results could be pretty offbeat.

(Given how white hot Nintendo was at the time, I’ve never understood why they didn’t make a bigger push for toy store merch.)

This Happy Meal was the perfect storm. Super Mario Bros. 3 had just come out, and it was all kids were talking about. Our interest in these toys wasn’t casual at all. We absolutely would’ve gobbled ‘em up even if they were sold as regular retail items without bonus cheeseburgers.

That the toys were so good by Happy Meal standards was almost immaterial. Ronald could’ve written “KOOPA” on plain brown bags, and so long as Nintendo stamped it, we woulda been there. In a sense, it’s surprising that they put so much effort into this set. (Not that I’m complaining!)

There were four toys in all, or five if you count the “Under 3” exclusive, which in this case was a stoic Raccoon Mario without any of those pesky choking hazards. The “core four” are shown above, each with a unique mold and action feature. Read More…

Dino Drac’s CRUEL SUMMER… has begun!

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Consider this my attempt to rediscover the joys of summer, because I gotta tell ya, it’s been my least favorite season for years now. The heat! The traffic! Those bugs! We spend our youth thinking of summer as a two-month blessing to be our preferred selves, but as adults, it’s just a super muggy version of everyday life.

Course, it only seems that way when we let ourselves get cynical and garbagey. Even for us myrmecophobes who don’t have beach bods to show off, there’s everything from roller coasters to ice cream to the relaxing hum of ten-year-old air conditioners. We can make this shit work.

For the next month or so, I’ll be examining some of the finer points of the summer season, all while throwing in generous dashes of horror. (After all, for people like me, it’s practically Halloween!)

Expect a whole bunch of articles and videos to carry the event, starting with these:

To kick off Dino Drac’s Cruel Summer, I’m doing my first video review since Christmas. Go check out the amazing Talking Cryptkeeper doll from 1993, which is appropriately dressed like a beach bum.

…then hop on over to a new article, wherein I spend a thousand words gushing about the legendary Super Mario Bros. 3 Happy Meal. (Seriously, this was one of the biggest things McDonald’s ever pulled off!)

…and when you’re done with that, check out Dino Drac After Dark, which is back in action after a too-long hiatus. Random videos every day at midnight, along with a great comment section filled with friendly night owls.

Oh, and one more thing:

If you’re still on the fence about summertime, here are five things you can easily do to make the most of it… Read More…