Five Random Action Figures, Part 43!
It’s been over four months since the last edition of Five Random Action Figures. Which is disgusting. Let’s fix that.
Silver Surfer
Marvel Super Heroes (1990)
Man, that first wave in Toy Biz’s Marvel Super Heroes line was just phenomenal. I’ve occasionally criticized Toy Biz’s lean on quantity-over-quality, but it’s not like they didn’t have the talent to make really great action figures.
Silver Surfer is my favorite figure from that wave, which is saying a lot. He’d later get re-released with a shiny chrome finish, but I much prefer the “flat” look of this version, which better reflected the Surfer’s old school comic appearances.
For me, this was one of those “transcendent” action figures — meaning I never felt particularly beholden to what the character was supposed to be. If you gave me a Spider-Man figure, he was going to be Spider-Man proper, no matter what. By contrast, the Silver Surfer was a blank canvas: I could make him good, bad, all-knowing, innocent, fiery or restrained.
I loved figures like that. Little five-inch vessels, as malleable as my own emotions. Read More…
Junk Food of the Gods: February 2018 Edition!
I’m trying to avoid junk food these days, but I still pay attention to it, and there are tons of seriously great snacks out there. When the world seems depressing, just remember that this same world gave us 650 varieties of Cheez-Its.
Below are five things that you should be eating during moments of weakness. All are in stores now.
Doritos Blaze!
I’ve read complaints about the flavor, but when you’ve got a package that handsome, taste is immaterial. I’m not paying three bucks for the chips — I’m paying three bucks for THAT BAG. It’s Hellraiser mixed with Hypercolor and it makes me want to paint things.
The common gripe is that while Doritos Blaze pack a ton of heat, they’re otherwise devoid of flavor. I didn’t get that impression. They’re damn hot by big brand junk food standards, but I still detected traces of a smoky barbecue flavor.
Put it to you this way: I ate half the bag quickly enough to feel ashamed. By “half the bag” I probably mean “whole bag,” but I will never turn down a shot at plausible deniability.
GRADE: A. They’re not the tastiest Doritos ever, but between the bag, the concept and the fact that they’re named after that little on-fire guy from Mortal Kombat II, I cannot give them a lower grade. Read More…
4 Frightening Facts about MOTU Slime!
Simple as it was, SLIME was perhaps my favorite of all Masters of the Universe toys. The neon green pseudosnot taught me that toy slime wasn’t just what it literally was, but also whatever we imagined it to be.
In Masters of the Universe lore, Hordak uses Slime to turn randos into zombie slaves. He’ll trap adversaries in his wretched Slime Pit, pour the junk over their bodies, and voila: Instant fealty!
Fans rarely bring up Slime without mentioning the Slime Pit, which kind of sells it short. Released in 1986, the glop was super enjoyable even when you weren’t doing weird things to action figures.
Show of hands: How many of you cared for your Slime as if it were some sick baby raccoon rescued from the side of the road? (Or maybe more accurately a potted plant from your beloved, inanimate yet so alive.)
Below are four frightening facts about Masters of the Universe Slime.
Note: None are actually frightening. Read More…
6 Fun Facts about Shark Bites Fruit Snacks!
Today we celebrate Shark Bites fruit snacks. We should be doing that every day, TBH.
They’ve gotta be the most famous fruit snacks in history, right? For people in a certain age group, just hearing “Shark Bites” summons all sorts of warm fuzzies. Shark Bites made good days great, and saved bad days from being the worst days.
Here are six fin-tastic facts about the best fruit snacks ever: Read More…