Dinosaur Dracula!

TV Guide listings for Halloween, 1990!

Remember when watching shows and movies mostly amounted to taking what we were given? We’ve come a long way from needing a TV Guide!


…and yet, I strangely find myself missing that era, back before we had instant access to anything we wanted to see… not to mention an internet that’s gone out of its way to archive every conceivable thing that was ever broadcasted. Television just seemed more like an adventure back then — or maybe a slot machine.

The point? I came to be in possession of an old TV Guide issue, covering the last few days of October, 1990. They didn’t outright call it a Halloween edition, but considering the cover story about 1990’s sudden surge in horror-themed shows, I don’t think it’s a stretch for me to. Read More…

Candy Corn Cupcakes? Pumpkin Spice Twinkies?!

As you’ve probably surmised from prior articles, this is an amazing year for Halloween junk food. It’s everywhere! And so much of it is really, really good!


…even the bigwig mainstays aren’t resting on their laurels, as evidenced by Hostess’s new TRIO of Halloween treats. (Oh, and if you remember last year’s Scary Cakes and Glo Balls — yep, those are back, too!)

Hostess normally spends the Halloween season providing their snacks with nifty “costumes.” This year, they’ve shifted the focus to exploring all-new flavors. If I had to describe the new collection in one word, it’d be “gourmand,” but spoken with a fake French accent and needlessly drawn-out.

All are limited edition, and there’s no telling if any will be back in 2016. The fact that I may become part of a relatively small pool of people who can accurately lay claim to having firsthand experience with Pumpkin Spice Twinkies? I can’t lie: It makes me proud. Read More…

Classic Creepy Commercials, Volume 9!

It’s time for the next batch of Classic Creepy Commercials!

(If you read that in the voice of a game show announcer and hum happy music afterward, it becomes a stronger open.)

Collected below are another five spooky TV commercials from the ‘80s and ‘90s, covering everything from toys to movies to a TV show I’ve never watched. Some of these are from my collection; the rest, as usual, were donated by Larry P.

Enjoy the show! (Or the commercial break. Whatever.)

Slime Time Watches Commercial! (1986)

One of the less remembered “gross-focused ‘80s toy lines,” Slime Time was a series of digital watches released by Hasbro, each nestled somewhere under (or in) a “creepy” rubber animal. (Frogs and snakes were included, as was the line’s high point: An adorable black bat.)

Wearing the whole mess on your wrist, the toys were part functional, part decorative, and part flabbergastingly insane. I loved them, but I imagine that I was in the minority of kids who might look at a garter snake and think, “Someday, I hope I get one of you, but as a timepiece.”

My inner conspiracy theorist says that Hasbro was going to lose the rights to the killer “Slime Time” name if they didn’t do something with it, and after an all-hands-on-deck last minute brainstorm, we got a frog with a clock down its gullet. Thank God! Read More…

Halloween Kid Cuisine: 2015 Edition!

Warning: Today’s post is about Kid Cuisine, so stop here if you don’t want to read about Kid Cuisine. Funsucker.


I was elated to see the return of Halloween Kid Cuisine meals, even if they never actually use the “H” word. The secularization of Halloween? No, not really. This year, they’re positioning them as strict promotions for Hotel Transylvania 2, which hits theaters sometime between tomorrow and whenever my bat-shaped chicken nuggets expire.

Still, I don’t think it’s a stretch to call these Halloween editions, especially since they borrow traits from previous KC Halloween meals. From what I can tell, every variety of Kid Cuisine is currently redressed for Hotel Transylvania 2, but these were the only two that went all-in on the creep. Read More…