BFCDAW #10: The Christmas Sushi Roll.

There’s a new feature up, listing ten strange and wonderful things I want from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. (Including Aunt Bethany’s cat food Jell-O. Yes.)

For today’s BCFDAW, I’d like to introduce you to the “Christmas roll.”

Several of New York’s sushi joints are offering special “Christmas rolls” for the holidays. No two are alike. The one shown above is entirely different from the Christmas roll I ordered back in 2004, and in a word, it’s INTENSE.

It’s from a restaurant called Fuji Rising Dragon. I pray I will encounter more things with names that awesome.

Here’s how Fuji (Fuji RISING DRAGON!) describes the roll, verbatim:

Spicy tuna with tuna, salmon, yellowtail, eel and avocado with tobiko eel sauce.

In other words, I bought this for photographical use only — not so I could eat it.

I love sushi, I really do. But I’m also a big baby when it comes to it. Not to the level of only eating California rolls, but certainly to the level of pissing myself at the mere THOUGHT of “eel sauce.” I can think of a hundred ways to get sauce from eels, and none are pleasant.

EDIT: Okay, so as several of you have pointed out, “eel sauce” doesn’t exactly mean “sauce made from eels.” It’s more like a sauce you put ON eels. I don’t care. It’s still gross. I will defend to my dying day the right to believe that eel sauce is gross.

No. I want nothing to do with this roll. I just wanted to show you what Christmas looks like in the form of sushi.

Thankfully, someone in the next room was happy to take it. “It’s pretty good, it’s fine” was his review.

Figuring that I wouldn’t eat something covered in eel sauce, I also ordered other, plainer rolls. Couldn’t eat those either. Just knowing that they were in the same bag as eel sauce was too much of a turnoff.

Now I am hungry.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBOanPoEek4 Jugendsehnsucht

    “For example, I wouldn’t eat octopus with your mouth” - Rev. Windiplug 13
    Actually, I would like to see you attempt to eat an octopus with his mouth. It would make for the most horrible and uncomfortable Madd Matt video ever. It would be shot in 16mm B&W. Zero expository dialogue. Just MM silently facing the camera as you enter the room, light a single candle in front of him, and feed him octopus as though he was some sort of lifeless golem. All while a crackly LP of Herb Alpert & Tijuana Brass’ “Tijuana Taxi” plays in the background. Fade to black as the song ends. Fin.
    Wait, what am I saying—that would be the BEST Madd Matt video ever.

    “The Loach Incident.”Matt
    Oh, man. If that’s not the title of one of those weird Genki-Genki videos, I don’t know what is.
    ProTip: don’t look that up at work. Or at all, really.

  • http://www.retro-daze.com Ghost of Vapor

    I’m reminded of the time me, my wife, my brother, and a mutual friend went to a local Japanese place and my brother and friend bought a $100 sushi boat.

    Morons.

  • http://simianidiot.tumblr.com Rev. Octowuss 13

    OH HELL YES. Come on, Matt, let’s make this octopus video happen. I already have the Herb Alpert soundtrack, and there’s a fucked up Italian deli around the corner that sells vats of pulpo salad out of a barrel next to the cash register. We could be the next big thing on the internet. In six months everybody will be doing octopus feeding videos, and we can roll our eye and say we were doing it before it was cool.

  • http://horsesandseals.blogspot.com Shantel

    In the first picture, the sushi rolls look like apple slices smothered in salsa.

    Live eels are so cool to watch at a aquarium. Playing peek-a-boo with guests.

  • mandy_Reeves

    soooo yummmy!

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBOanPoEek4 Jugendsehnsucht

    “… there’s a fucked up Italian deli around the corner that sells vats of pulpo salad out of a barrel next to the cash register.”Rev. Synchronized Eels 13
    See, now I don’t have the slightest problem with eating octopus, but somehow calling it “pulpo” has just made my tastebuds do a 180°. I don’t care if “pulpo” was a dish that actually consisted of manna directly from heaven drizzled in chocolate and served with the finest Belgian tripel—I’d have to pass because of that godawful name. It brings to mind an abnormally pulpy version of Alpo.

  • http://simianidiot.tumblr.com Rev. Octowuss 13

    Next time I am allowed out of the house, I am going to walk to this deli and surreptitiously take a photo of the pulpo tub for you.

    I am willing to bet that despite your protests, you will become aroused by it. It looks like the chunky slurry left behind after a hot date with Dagon. Tastes like it, too, or so I am told.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBOanPoEek4 Jugendsehnsucht

    “Pulpo tub”? Oh, fuck—that’s even WORSE. I don’t like that noun being used for anything other than a bathtub, and even then it kind of bothers me in inexplicable ways, but not nearly as much as it does when used in conjunction with foodstuffs. Ugh.

    How about this? I’LL BET IT HAS A VERY MOIST MOUTHFEEL.

  • http://thorzul.blogspot.com Thorzul

    You know what makes me weird? The avocado is the most disgusting part of that sushi to me.

  • Cat

    I hate seafood. Hate. Hate. (I’m from New England, so that’s like blasphemy).

    And eel, ew. But I love other sushi.

  • http://simianidiot.tumblr.com Rev. Octowuss 13

    I’m still on this thread even though I know nobody cares about it anymore, because Juge, you have crossed a line with that phrase, and now we are at war. Prepare yourself for the squid blast.