BFCDAW #10: The Christmas Sushi Roll.

There’s a new feature up, listing ten strange and wonderful things I want from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. (Including Aunt Bethany’s cat food Jell-O. Yes.)

For today’s BCFDAW, I’d like to introduce you to the “Christmas roll.”

Several of New York’s sushi joints are offering special “Christmas rolls” for the holidays. No two are alike. The one shown above is entirely different from the Christmas roll I ordered back in 2004, and in a word, it’s INTENSE.

It’s from a restaurant called Fuji Rising Dragon. I pray I will encounter more things with names that awesome.

Here’s how Fuji (Fuji RISING DRAGON!) describes the roll, verbatim:

Spicy tuna with tuna, salmon, yellowtail, eel and avocado with tobiko eel sauce.

In other words, I bought this for photographical use only — not so I could eat it.

I love sushi, I really do. But I’m also a big baby when it comes to it. Not to the level of only eating California rolls, but certainly to the level of pissing myself at the mere THOUGHT of “eel sauce.” I can think of a hundred ways to get sauce from eels, and none are pleasant.

EDIT: Okay, so as several of you have pointed out, “eel sauce” doesn’t exactly mean “sauce made from eels.” It’s more like a sauce you put ON eels. I don’t care. It’s still gross. I will defend to my dying day the right to believe that eel sauce is gross.

No. I want nothing to do with this roll. I just wanted to show you what Christmas looks like in the form of sushi.

Thankfully, someone in the next room was happy to take it. “It’s pretty good, it’s fine” was his review.

Figuring that I wouldn’t eat something covered in eel sauce, I also ordered other, plainer rolls. Couldn’t eat those either. Just knowing that they were in the same bag as eel sauce was too much of a turnoff.

Now I am hungry.


41 Responses to BFCDAW #10: The Christmas Sushi Roll.

  1. the one in 2004 looks 1000000000000000x better, and i’m the same, I like sushi but not daring enough to try anything interesting haha

  2. AAAAHHH

    I love everything about this. Yellowtail. Salmon. Tuna. Eel. Avocado. I love the colors. I love the name. I’ll even give the tobiko a free pass because all the good outweighs the squick factor. I WANT IT. *grabby hands*

    Damn you, Matt, for making me crave sushi when I’ve already blown my going-out-to-eat budget for the week.

  3. Eel sauce is amazing. It’s like the best barbecue sauce in the world. Tobiko Eel sauce, however…not sure how the fish eggs work into that equation.

  4. The only sushi I’ve ever had is California rolls, I believe, and I wasn’t crazy about them. I’m open to trying real, honest-to-God, according to Hoyle sushi, I just haven’t.

  5. I just can’t deal with eel anything. Some Italian I am.

  6. I used to eat mildly interesting sushi until I started watching Monsters Inside Me and 1000 Ways To Die. Both featured worm things that reside in more sushi than I cared to know. These worms can be extremely debilitating and even deadly. Since then the most adventurous I’ll be is an occasional California Roll. Damn you cable television!

  7. Please don’t say the w-word. Auuuugh.

  8. Matt, you dunn goof’d. Hard. Eel sauce doesn’t have any eel in it – it’s just the sauce they baste onto eel when they cook it. It’s the best “BBQ” sauce on the planet. Your mouth would have been in heaven.

  9. It could be strawberry ice cream. If you call it eel sauce, I’m staying away.

  10. Eel sauce is SO TASTY, and I am a total c word when it comes to eating certain sea creatures. For example, I wouldn’t eat octopus with your mouth. But I will eat the holy living hell out of eel sauce.

    I was recently reminded that I could eat sushi again after an approximate 9 month hiatus, and in celebration, like all things I do, I did it to excess. Now I will pass on sushi for the next 9 months or so.

    But eel sauce…yum. Try some.

  11. You are a man of strong convictions. I can respect that.

  12. You’ve all gone mad — if this continues, I will define my eel sauce issue by telling you about…

    The Loach Incident.

  13. I must know about the loach incident.

  14. Eel sauce isn’t made from eel, it’s like teriyaki sauce basically. It’s what you put ON eel when you grill it for use in sushi.

  15. All I’ll say is that nothing ruins a chicken dinner faster than looking to the side and noticing that not only has your loach jumped out of the fish tank and died, but has oozed its loach essence onto the surrounding tile.

    I imagine this loach essence to be in the ballpark of eel sauce.

    I’m not saying that it’s my only reason for eel sauce opposition, but it’s a major contributor.

  16. This is my Calvin & Hobbes “bats aren’t bugs” moment. I can’t believe how many of you know so much about eel sauce.

  17. I totally dig some eel sauce. I’d have grabbed that sushi off your desk the moment the photo was taken and devoured it like Triple H did Katie Vick’s corpse.

  18. Fuckin’ loaches are the worst. They are ALWAYS trying to ruin your dinner.

    I used to have a freshwater aquarium with a pack of clown loaches in it and they were forever trying to convince me that they were dead, just so I would get out the net, get up on the chair, hang half my body into the giant vat, probe around with the scooper thing, get assaulted by the arowana, move the stupid tree out of the way, and as soon as I almost netted them, voom! They’d swim off. They’d be lying on the gravel, on their sides, with their stupid idiot loach eyeballs touching the rocks, which nobody in their right mind does unless they are dead, but NOOOOO, it was just a hoax. A clever ruse. I was glad when they really did die.

    Your loach probably wasn’t even dead. It was just trying to trick you. Its essence was eel sauce. Yum.

  19. Avocado, the green menace. I LOATHE avocado on sushi, and it’s become so common that it’s more of an iconic sushi ingredient in the United States than seaweed, fish or rice. Restaurants are still pretty good about it, but if you go to a grocery store, there will literally not be a single sushi item that isn’t 80% avocado. In three years or so, there’ll just be a big bin of avocados with a sign saying “SUSHI” over it.

  20. I actually like my store’s eel roll with the sauce. In fact, it’s the tastiest one there. For some reason, unless it has avocado or cream cheese in it, I find sushi itself to be pretty bland. Although the pickled ginger RULES!

  21. All you people are crazy! I have tried sushi, but I just don’t get it. It’s not really anything special (of course I haven’t tried this eel sauce you all speak of). Other than that, I guess it looks pretty.

    I love the idea of Matt going to buy sushi just to take a picture of it. Can I assume that’s usually the case when it comes to buying the full on pre-made meals like McDonald’s and other such stuff?

  22. Why don’t you just get the sushi at 7-11? That’s what my sister gets when she gets the inclination. I bet that wasabi sauce would taste good on a nacho…

    I stay away for two days after you tell us it’s over, and this… is what we get.

    You’re the best liar ever. ;)

  23. You’re all one up on me. I’ve never been a sushi person, even though I love seafood. Just never acquired the taste.

  24. Hey Matt (and any DDers in the NYC area), I am coming up for my first visit this weekend. I have the events lined up, I need food ideas. Give me your favorites. Thanks.

    /end threadjack

  25. Christmas and Sushi don’t need to be friends. They can just know each other through other events.

  26. (Er, yeah, Sushi IS an event.)

  27. Just to be clear … eel sauce is the deal breaker, but containing actual eel isn’t?

  28. No, eel would have been a dealbreaker. I can’t do eel even when it’s a tiny bit of eel in a roll that looks less threatening than a regular tuna roll. But this was a LOTTA eel.

    I knew I wouldn’t eat it, but it’s the sauce that turned the whole thing into an appetite suppressant. (In fairness to eel sauce lovers, I’m the same way with all “sushi sauces.”)

  29. Thanks to this, I went to do some reading and I just found out electric eels aren’t really eels. I looked it up because I thought I was going to find out that they weren’t really electric but they are.

    Double Whammy.

  30. To be fair to Matt, I think Eel sauce (at least, the real stuff) has a base made out of boiled eel bones. So bats may very well be bugs.

  31. “For example, I wouldn’t eat octopus with your mouth” - Rev. Windiplug 13
    Actually, I would like to see you attempt to eat an octopus with his mouth. It would make for the most horrible and uncomfortable Madd Matt video ever. It would be shot in 16mm B&W. Zero expository dialogue. Just MM silently facing the camera as you enter the room, light a single candle in front of him, and feed him octopus as though he was some sort of lifeless golem. All while a crackly LP of Herb Alpert & Tijuana Brass’ “Tijuana Taxi” plays in the background. Fade to black as the song ends. Fin.
    Wait, what am I saying—that would be the BEST Madd Matt video ever.

    “The Loach Incident.”Matt
    Oh, man. If that’s not the title of one of those weird Genki-Genki videos, I don’t know what is.
    ProTip: don’t look that up at work. Or at all, really.

  32. I’m reminded of the time me, my wife, my brother, and a mutual friend went to a local Japanese place and my brother and friend bought a $100 sushi boat.

    Morons.

  33. OH HELL YES. Come on, Matt, let’s make this octopus video happen. I already have the Herb Alpert soundtrack, and there’s a fucked up Italian deli around the corner that sells vats of pulpo salad out of a barrel next to the cash register. We could be the next big thing on the internet. In six months everybody will be doing octopus feeding videos, and we can roll our eye and say we were doing it before it was cool.

  34. In the first picture, the sushi rolls look like apple slices smothered in salsa.

    Live eels are so cool to watch at a aquarium. Playing peek-a-boo with guests.

  35. soooo yummmy!

  36. “… there’s a fucked up Italian deli around the corner that sells vats of pulpo salad out of a barrel next to the cash register.”Rev. Synchronized Eels 13
    See, now I don’t have the slightest problem with eating octopus, but somehow calling it “pulpo” has just made my tastebuds do a 180°. I don’t care if “pulpo” was a dish that actually consisted of manna directly from heaven drizzled in chocolate and served with the finest Belgian tripel—I’d have to pass because of that godawful name. It brings to mind an abnormally pulpy version of Alpo.

  37. Next time I am allowed out of the house, I am going to walk to this deli and surreptitiously take a photo of the pulpo tub for you.

    I am willing to bet that despite your protests, you will become aroused by it. It looks like the chunky slurry left behind after a hot date with Dagon. Tastes like it, too, or so I am told.

  38. “Pulpo tub”? Oh, fuck—that’s even WORSE. I don’t like that noun being used for anything other than a bathtub, and even then it kind of bothers me in inexplicable ways, but not nearly as much as it does when used in conjunction with foodstuffs. Ugh.

    How about this? I’LL BET IT HAS A VERY MOIST MOUTHFEEL.

  39. You know what makes me weird? The avocado is the most disgusting part of that sushi to me.

  40. I hate seafood. Hate. Hate. (I’m from New England, so that’s like blasphemy).

    And eel, ew. But I love other sushi.

  41. I’m still on this thread even though I know nobody cares about it anymore, because Juge, you have crossed a line with that phrase, and now we are at war. Prepare yourself for the squid blast.

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