Through crooked senses, “Bigg Mixx” rhymes with “brilliance.” And it should.
The cereal was named after its mascot, a beast that was part chicken, part wolf, part moose and part pig. Think Foghorn Leghorn, after a mishap with Seth Brundle’s telepods. I could try to come up with some adjective that I haven’t used in 4000 other reviews, but this time, “awesome” is all that fits. Bigg Mixx was awesome.
I never tried the cereal, because as a kid, somehow, Bigg Mixx the mascot did nothing for me. I guess it takes a more sophisticated level of taste to appreciate a four-way hybrid animal monster. Back in 1990, I just didn’t have it. Shame on me. If only Kellogg’s had armed him with some kind of futuristic ice blue missile launcher.
Here’s the old Bigg Mixx commercial, as viewed on someone’s tube television…
I’m sooo ready to punch the eleven-year-old version of me. For ignoring Bigg Mixx, and for wearing knockoff Skidz.
So what if he had no marshmallows? So what if his cereal looked like Fruit ‘n Fibre? I wrote it before, but it bears repeating. This was a beast that was part chicken, part wolf, part moose and part pig.
The only other 21-syllable sentence that could possibly beat that is, “Aliens came to visit and they provided me with a cake in the shape of their spaceship.”
I’m mad at myself. We should all be mad at ourselves. Had we supported Bigg Mixx back when it counted, who knows, maybe there’d be a talking plush version of him by now. Maybe Bigg Mixx would’ve lasted long enough to go through several box art upgrades. A leather jacket by ’94. Sunglasses in ’97. By 2002, a pair of headphones with really thin wires.
And now? Forget it. There’d be a Bigg Mixx ARG, and we’d all be comparing clues on message boards with beige backgrounds. Did I really rob myself of that just by picking Lucky Charms? I knew my people hated the Irish for a reason.
I won’t stretch this out for longer than it needs to be. I always do that, I know. There isn’t much to say about Bigg Mixx beyond “he’s a freaky multi-animal that I’ve come to like,” but right at this moment, 11PM Wednesday night, I felt I had to say it.
So, click here for a wav file of me saying it.
Nah, don’t, that link just leads to my unrelated review of the Ira Einhorn video game. I’m not digging out my $10 microphone for something so stupid. I have bigger fish to fry.
By this I mean Bigg Mixx fan art.
And I’m pretty sure I could turn that into a cutout mask if I tried hard en—
Yup. Can. Goodnight.