Crazy Holiday Pringles!

Pringles. A brand of ultrathin potato crisps, sold in canisters that convert nicely into coin banks. All of you already knew this.

According to the ad slogan, “once you pop, the fun don’t stop.” Until recently, that was probably true. Even the worst Pringles flavor was still pretty good, and besides, they’re just so much fun to eat. Especially if you know the “Pringles Trick.”

What, you don’t? Allow me to explain.

The “Pringles Trick” is when you take a Pringle and wedge it lengthwise into your mouth, in front of your teeth. That’s Part 1, and at the end of Part 1, you should look like a mutant alien with a Pringle for a mouth.

Part 2 is even better. In Part 2, you take the middle finger on your right hand (I don’t know why it has to be your right hand, but it does), and use it to “flick” through the lip-trapped Pringle. The effect is similar in sensation to a karate champion smacking through a pile a wood. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but just wait until you try it. Prepare to clear your calendar.

Well, look at that. Barring an aside about the Common Merganser (that’s a duck), I could not have possibly gone more off-track. I apologize. It’s not easy to map out Pringles reviews. You kinda just dive in and see what happens. Sometimes, you hit your head on the ocean floor, and die on the spot. You are seeing exactly that unfold at this precise moment.

The point was that the old Pringles slogan no longer rings true. “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.” Here, it’s quite the opposite. Virtually all of the fun is in the pre-pop era.

These are a disaster. They’re holiday edition Pringles, in “Cinnamon & Sugar” and “White Chocolate Peppermint” flavors.

If I’m not coming in loud and clear: CANDY CANE POTATO CHIPS.

(The red text indicates “caution,” not “Christmas.”)

But I must remind you that disasters can be beautiful. Consider volcanoes. Capable of killing thousands with a single blow, and yet, when they’re not killing people, we celebrate them as we do rainbows.

These Pringles are a beautiful disaster, and I commend Kellogg’s for taking such a risk. I know Kellogg’s likes to hide behind the curtain and act like Pringles exists as a totally distinct entity fronted by a man with a Rollie Fingers mustache, but this time, I think they deserve the direct credit.

Shown above are the Cinnamon & Sugar Pringles. I wasn’t expecting them to look so much like normal Pringles. Only a faint dusting of dark spices betrays the chips’ affiliation with Bad Flavors Incorporated.

The odor is not atrocious. Envision a gob of wet salt mixed into a box of Cinnamon Chex, and that’s pretty much what they smell like.

The real problem is the flavor.

The sugary spices seem wholly incapable of merging with their master potatoes. It’s like I’m tasting the sugar and the potatoes independently of one another, and yet, somehow, at the same time. I’m struggling to stay positive, but the simple truth is that sugar and potatoes will never win a tag team championship.

I was more excited about the White Chocolate Peppermint Pringles. That flavor sounded ten times as bizarre. Even if it wasn’t, the can was covered in attractive candy cane graphics.

Indeed, this was the team leader. The Cinnamon & Sugar Pringles were child’s play compared to these. After opening the can, I was smacked with a stench that I can only compare to Lucky Charms, because my Pringles-to-other-things odor comparisons start and end with brands of cereal. I don’t know why.

Their appearance was disappointing. I wanted these to be OVER THE TOP, with bright streaks of red. Instead, each chip just looks like a slightly-whiter normal Pringle. If photos captured audio, the one above would come with me sighing. You can practically tell from the limp tilt of the camera angle that the lack of red stripes had me totally deflated.

If you close your eyes and pretend you’re eating really dry Kit Kats, they’re actually not that bad. But I don’t think I should have to go through so much trouble to make Pringles taste good. Going from choco-peppermint to salty potatoes is just…odd. Not “odd” like “BLECH GETTEM OUTTA ME MOWD,” but “odd” like, “yeah, one was enough.”

The aftertaste is a big issue, too. Notice how “aftertaste” in of itself is a fairly neutral word, and yet, when we hear it, we always brace for some negative connotation? Aftertastes like this are the reason why. These have ruined the very concept of an aftertaste for me.

You might take these gripes to mean that I’d rate them poorly, but nuh uh. I’m elated that Pringles has holiday flavors. Kellogg’s was obviously going for the curiosity/oddity factor, so it’s not like they expected people to eat candy cane-flavored Pringles and scream, “THIS IS NATURAL!”  We were all in this just to say that we were in this. Everyone involved – you, me, Kellogg’s – knew the deal before we shook hands.

Plus, two new coin banks. One for the pennies, one for everything else. I think I’ll let the Cinnamon & Sugar can be in charge of the pennies. It just feels right.

  • kingklash

    Go to your local Family Dollar, if you have one, and buy yourself a 1 pound Snickers bar for ten bucks. Also, they have two half-pound Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for the same price. I’m going to buy the Snickers to put in my freezer, so I can bean burglers and wild animals upside the head with it in case of trouble.

  • Goob

    We have a small 3 feet tall fiber optic tree. I have plastic ball ornaments that come in several colors because I went crazy a couple years in a row and bought a ton of stuff like that after Christmas on clearance. I have 2 Simpsons ornaments that go on it too and a topper. I think I tried putting on the topper last year and it didn’t fit. Then I have a coke plastic snowglobe with a train that goes around in circles on the bottom. And a ceramic Christmas rocking horse that my Great Granddad gave me when I was 4. It’s not Christmas without it. Also the stocking holders, a stocking I got when I was young, and a stocking I bought for Harry I believe last year or the year before that.

    That is really all the decorations I have. But that’s ok I am not really a decorating person. I just think about the work involved and then it just seems like it’s not worth it lol.

    I bid on something last night on Ebay I hope I win it. It’s a gift for Harry to put in his stocking. That doesn’t sound approp but it’s totally a good thing lol. It’s something with Nathon Fillon’s autograph on it. I wanted to get typical stocking stuff like candy then slip in something that totally wows him. I think we’ll mostly do just stockings this year. That is all we need presents wise.

    Can you believe that we haven’t gone thanksgiving shopping yet? I hope that doesn’t bite me in the ass lol. I saw a pumpkin cheesecake the last time I went shopping there and I am kind of thinking about getting that instead of a pumpkin pie. My Grandma made pumpkin cheesecake before a few times years ago and they are so good. So yeah that is what I have been up to. Oh yeah one of my friends made a pumpkin pie and it didn’t turn out right. I think she only put cinnamon in it. People it’s a hell of a lot more complicated then just putting cinnamon in there.

  • Dr_Demento

    Yikes! You’re going to need ‘Whipped cream flavored’ vodka (yes, there is such a thing) to wash that down with!

  • http://youtube.com/hoverbored Hoverbored

    I have foot-tall fiber optic tree lying around somewhere, that runs on AA batteries.

    kingklash- Target has the giant candy bars for $8 this week. Now that sounds like a good Xmas present.

    They already have the leaked Black Friday ads on the internet. I should get my list ready.

  • http://www.soundcloud.com/thefinalmovement-org Astro Zombie

    Church: if you’re looking for those, ahem “unusually” flavored Pringles, check Wal-Mart. That’s where I found the pumpkin pie spice-flavored ones. If you really want them, you may have to check multiple stores, because some have them and some don’t.

    Does it seem strange to anybody else that Thanksgiving is just one week away? It seems Halloween was just last week.

  • http://bfads.net Hoverbored

    Astro Zombie- Thanksgiving seems to have sneaked up on us this year. We’ll be celebrating twice: Thursday at my cousin’s house, and again on Saturday. (my sister works Thursday)

  • Terror Claws

    Noooooo! Hostess is going out of business!

    ZOMBIELAND WAS RIGHT! Anyway, haven’t eaten a Twinkie in probably 20 years, but still sad. I know someone will scarf up their brands and crank em out again, but still, end of an era. If only they had continued Chocolicious, we could have avoided this.

  • Foolproof

    Matt, YOU deserve direct credit for knowing who Rollie Fingers was, and why he was important. (Hint: It was not baseball.)

  • https://www.facebook.com/brian.pietrusinski RetroBJ (formerly BJ from X-E)

    NO MORE HOSTESS MEANS NO MORE TWINKIE WIENER SANDWICHES!!!!

    Oh hi everybody! This is my first comment here on DinoDrac. Yeah, I’m one of those “long time reader, first time poster” types of people. I used to comment quite regularly on X-Entertainment. I was known for writing REALLY long comments because I always seemed to have something to say. For those of you who may not remember me, I just went by BJ on X-E (after the initials of my first and middle name: Brian John, NOT what you may think it means). Since I like calling myself Retro so much, either “RetroBJ” or “RetroBrian” I decided that I would need to call myself “Retro..” something here on DinoDrac. Anyway, hope you remember me. Matt, the site looks great. Your Halloween Countdown was great (one of the few things that kept me in the Halloween spirit this year since I didn’t watch either Great Pumpkin or Garfield Halloween). Anyway, now that I made my existence known again, expect to see more posts from me. They more than likely will be the ones that look like manuscripts rather than posts.

    Oh BTW, found this article that was linked on my Facebook wall. People are already lining up for Black Friday sales. Is that sick or what?

    http://www.10news.com/news/shopper-lines-up-for-black-friday-1-week-early

  • Church

    @Astro Zombie, thanks! I’ll have to hunt a little harder to find these nasty chips. Speaking of nasty chips…anyone currently decorating for Christmas?I’ve been bringing down a few things here and there over the last day or two and I’M LOVIN’ IT!

  • Thomas

    The ironic thing about Hostess going out of business is that I just found a Hostess Bakery outlet store that was still open. There were two other stores that have closed in the last decade that had gone under, so it was amazing to found one still open. now that one is running on borrowed time.

  • http://bfads.net Hoverbored

    Now that Hostess is biting the dust, some other company will probably buy up its assets, including the trademarks to Twinkees and so forth. Maybe the new owners will bring back Chocodiles…

  • Nina

    Hostess is owned by Saputo here in Canada, so we’re unaffected by the shutting down of the company. Imma gunna bring Twinkies over the border and sell them like they’re craaaack…

  • Miziki

    I don’t care as long as I have my Star Crunch.

  • Goob

    I am so happy that I bought chocodiles a few months ago on Ebay. Years ago Matt reviewed them. I waited this long to get money and go on Ebay to buy them. I also bought Bartman pants the same month. That was a very happy month for me.

  • Skip Howdy

    This is the perfect opportunity for us to put our money together and buy Matt the trademark rights to Captain Cupcake for Christmas.

  • http://bfads.net Hoverbored

    They’re already sold out of Twinkies at the store. They’ve begun to stock a bunch of Dolly Madison stuff to fill the void including, interestingly, Star Crunch. It appears to be chocolate covered in crispy rice.

  • JohnV

    You know if they packaged these speciality chips in smaller like sampler cans maybe I would be inclined to pick them up to try them. When I was looking for the candy corn M&M at CVS, they had the large bag and the small vending machine size bag too. I bought the small bag and was glad I did, although I liked them I don’t think I could’ve eaten the whole large bag. Are we talking a lot of money here? No but I don’t like to buy something just to have a few and toss the rest.

    @Church: we had to start early on the Christmas decorations here at my house since we just had our 2nd child and wanted to get some of the Christmas stuff out before she came home. I’ve had a 9 foot tree in my living room since only a few days after Halloween. :)

  • http://galileo908.blogspot.com Galileo908 (formerly Invader Norbert)

    Man, I’ve been away from this site for a while. I missed the entire Halloween countdown and everything.

    Good to know these things are disgusting! Where did you buys those, anyway?

  • mimitchi33

    When Black Friday comes,
    I won’t go to the store
    To watch early shoppers fight on the retail foor.
    Won’t buy no discounted toys.
    Won’t buy no shoes or clothes.
    I don’t want to risk getting a punch in the nose.
    When Black Friday comes,
    Guess where I’ll be?
    Posting on Dinosaur Dracula, yes siree!
    Also, Matt, I’m really hoping for a Thanksgiving Day parade review this year. I loved reading those!

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