Halloween Bread?

Pepperidge Farm may have peaked with their Goldfish crackers, but this comes close. Keep an eye out for a new pair of autumn “Swirl” breads, in the style of raisin bread, but with fruity bits that are far more appropriate for a season filled with death and monsters. Yes!

On the left, Caramel Apple. On the right, Pumpkin Spice. It’s amazing what simple words like “caramel” and “spice” can do. If these breads had plainer “Apple” and “Pumpkin” titles, I’d be less interested by a factor of forty zillion.

Maybe fifty zillion on the Pumpkin Spice bread, actually. I really need that “spice” in there. Pumpkin is something I’ve never been able to accept as food. The only way I can eat bread stuffed with chunks of pumpkin is with the knowledge that said chunks have been doused with enough edible incense to make my kitchen stink like a 1997 head shop.

This is truly fabulous bread. Big, thick slices, with enough swirls and dots to make each piece double as a Magic Eye puzzle.

Go on, try it. Stare at that Caramel Apple slice for a minute. Don’t tell me you can’t see the snake!

And the aroma? Good God, the loaves are as good as Yankee Candles.

You can see bits of apple and pumpkin in their corresponding slices, mixed with other ingredients that transform these bits into things that are technically no longer fruit. The consistency is akin to jelly bean meat, which is to say, jelly beans without the hard shell. I concede that there’s probably a better way to put that, but in my defense, it was crazy fun to type “jelly bean meat.”

Oh yeah, the flavor. It’s good!  I usually don’t go for weirdly stylish breads, but these are cakelike in their breadishness. If the team at Starbucks is truly as evil as someone somewhere is saying right now, we’re like two days away from ‘em selling these out of their gourmet pastry cabinets for three bucks a slice.

Somewhere in the midst of prepping this review, it hit me that BREAD, even this bread, might lack the certain je ne sais quoi necessary to warrant a tribute on the Halloween Countdown. That’s why I broke out the spooky cookie cutters.

Heloise was right: They ain’t just for cookies.

The Caramel Apple slice was supposed to look like a ghost, but the end result is more like Fozzie Bear smoking a joint. I’m fine with that, for reasons numbering as high as four figures.

The Pumpkin Spice slice was supposed to look like a pumpkin. And I guess it does.

Are Pepperidge Farm’s Halloween breads worth trying? Not gonna dignify that with a response. I just showered 450 words’ worth of praise on them. Where were you?


52 Responses to Halloween Bread?

  1. PEPPERIDGE FARM REMEMBERS!!!

  2. I bet they’re delicious as bread puddings.

  3. I love me some caramel apples, but I don’t know if I want that flavor with the consistency of bread.

  4. Nothing says “fall has arrived” better than artificial breads dipped in scented candle wax. Mmm.

  5. Pepperidge Farm should start paying you for your blog. Or at least sending you free stuff to write about and post?

    I have to try it now, even though the chunks of caramel and pumpkin are like jelly bean meat!

  6. They look good but I can’t help but think that dumping that much cocaine on your toast is kind of a waste.

  7. Yesterdays post got me so pumped we watched Sleep away Camp 2, The Initiation and Night of the Comet on Netflix. Now I’m inspired to have fall for breakfast tomorrow. This is what its all about.

  8. I felt weird and itchy as I started the post from the top.
    “Why are there green and red bags in a halloween post?” my brain screamed without use of caps lock of emphatic punctuation.

  9. These look pretty tasty and I love the “Fozzie Bear with a joint” shape, haha. ;D

    Honestly, the entire time I was thinking how these would turn out as French toast. Upping the calories is always fun. :D

  10. Holy monkeys, am I ready for some Halloweeny bready goodness!

  11. I’d eat it

  12. I see a silhouette of the planet Saturn on the caramel apple slice.

  13. Jelly bean meat is my new favorite term.
    It would also make for a cool band name.

  14. Mmmmmm…. the Caddo in-laws make an excellent pumpkin bread, and now that we are in Back-To-School Season, with appropriate weather fluxing in effect, I gots to get some spiced tea, instant cider to drink at work, and some of those orange-frosted fall cookies at the store.

  15. They look like the kinds of bread that absolutely MUST be toasted. Yum.

  16. Looks like it’s right back to the grocery store for me. Unfortunately to properly enjoy things this seasonal, I’ll have to crank the AC just to get it feeling appropriately chilly. Stupid Texas heat in stupid September.

  17. I like their rasin cinnamon bread, I’m going to scope these out next time at the supermarket, want to try them made as French toast.

  18. Are those giant mounds of cream cheese?

  19. A great start to the season. And I for one am game with u revwing anything seasonal related with or without Halloween shapes.

  20. Oh, and once again I am jealous of a food item from the USA that we don’t have here. I had no idea that Pepperidge Farm did bread. I’m a sucker for pumpkin spice anything. For a few years I’ve even been hoping to come across pumpkin flavoured Clif Bars.

  21. Holy fuck, I need some cinnamon cream cheese STAT!

  22. Pumpkin bread. Yes. I need this. Unfortunately it’s 100 degrees outside and my truck’s AC doesn’t work so I think I’ll wait a couple weeks. Doesn’t feel right to eat pumpkin anything when it’s still this fucking hot out.

  23. ohhh I am getting some of that! and dunkin donuts pumpkin cream cheese!

  24. Those look great. Can not go wrong with pumpkin spice bread. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  25. Wow, how fortunate that we just ran out of bread! I think I will be buying the pumpkin spice, if I can find it in northeast PA.
    The leaves are starting to change here :-)
    This weekend we are going to Knoebels to ride the Black Diamond, aka the former Golden Nugget.

  26. mzeebs – Be sure to catch the brass rings! I haven’t been to Knoebel’s in forever, but some of my in-laws out in the Abington area just went there for the first time. I’m thinking next year I might be able to get away with taking the kid.

  27. This bread looks delicious, especially caramel apple :) I went by our local “super fancy” grocer yesterday and they are setting up their Halloween section…expensive ‘Ween candy…mmmmmm.

    My wife and I are trying to jazz up our house for Halloween this year in the hopes that we can draw a few more trick or treaters. We live in a great neighborhood but the old folks on the street don’t do anything and we get approx. 6-10 kids a year.

    Anyone else have this problem? Maybe I should give out this bread??

  28. nutella on caramel apple might be nice

  29. These look absolutely delicious. Matt, we always count on you to find us great themed snacks, be they Pop-Tarts or fancy bread.

    By the way, I have some very cool Halloween goodies that I wanted to mail you last year, but we never got it worked out. Are you still interested? This is high-grade, primo stuff.

  30. Yum! I’m surprised I haven’t seen these at work yet, but it’s still early in the season. Maybe I’ll try making my own versions when the weather improves. I love making bread.

  31. Good Lord, do I ever want some of that pumpkin bread! My usual breakfast nowadays consists of low cal wheat bread & oatmeal, but it will be damn hard to resist replacing it with this magical Pumpkin Swirl and a bowl of Count Chocula come October.

    Now to grab a (‘nother) cold one and find something spooky to watch – Hooray for a FOUR day weekend!

  32. I feel your pain, Violetta. Here in Dallas it’s usually around 100 well into October–i remember one Halloween that was over 100–i fucking hated that.

    I’m a sucker for anything “pumpkin spice” related.

  33. The Halloween header graphic is AWESOME!!!

    I’m so glad DD is getting into the spirit. I think I spotted all the references: Freddie, Jason, Pinhead, Chuckie, zombie, Harley. Did I miss anything?

  34. …er, oops, I didn’t even realize there was a post about the graphic yesterday. I thought it was brand-new today. I hate when new entries sneak past me. I’ll stop posting now.

  35. I hit an apple orchard today. It may have hit 90 by 10 in the morning, but I’ll be damned if September isn’t reason enough to get ready for fall and Halloween. I bought some candles, drank some cider, and I’m on a frickin’ autumn tear to hell and Halloween.

    Look, it’s difficult to be hard core about a season, but DD does it better than anyone else.

  36. I suppose it must be because you live in such an important large market, Matt, but half (or more) of the awesome halloween brands you review dont make it here. boy Im going to keep looking, & I hope that bread is going to be here, because I must have it. at least I know it exists. the search begins!

  37. Fozzie smoking a joint is the best thing ever!

  38. Hey guys, I’m back from Dragon*Con and have created a public photo album if anyone would like to see it. Just click my name.

  39. Hoverbored I am so, so jazzed about that set coming out…I can finally get rid of the poor rips I have.

    I once saw a clip of the ‘Handsome Boys’ photoshoot scene sans laugh track. The whole crew are dying laughing as Chris does his thing, and he doesn’t miss a beat. I’m hoping it’ll be on this set, because it’s a joy to watch.

  40. Will try the caramelo breado

  41. Yay Halloweeneyness! The site looks great. I want pumpkin bread.

    Cheetara, your d*c pics are fun! I went for the first time this year. It was pretty amazing.

    And Terror Claws, thanks for the heads up on Beistle in the last thread! There is a random jointed witch cutout thing from my 3rd grade class I think about EVERY Halloween and I found it on there.

  42. “1997 head shop” ha!

    I love ‘fall’ breads, pumpkin especially. Great find.

  43. My local market had the caramel apple, but not the pumpkin spice. I bought the last loaf, it was pretty tasty.

  44. EAG46: GREAT IDEA! I’m totally making bread pudding with this bread!

  45. I now want this bread. Not sure what I’ll eat it with but I’d like to try it.

  46. Without this post, I would never have laid hands on the *last* loaf of the pumpkin spice at our local Key Food grocery store. 80 calories a slice; food-color me surprised about that. Wonderful taste.

    I cannot wait to pair this with Autumn Mix candy corn and Shock Top Pumpkin Wheat.

  47. “The Caramel Apple slice was supposed to look like a ghost, but the end result is more like Fozzie Bear smoking a joint.”

    I laughed so hard I cried. xD

  48. LOL. I totally saw a ghost in the carmel apple bread, but after you said Fozzy Bear smoking a joint, I did a double take and literally laughed out loud. It totally does.

  49. I was at a random Pick n Save in Wisconsin on a weekend trip, checking out their Halloween section when I happened upon a package of this Caramel Apple bread. It wasn’t in a display. It looked like sOmeone just dumped it in the shelf. I really wanted the Pumpkin variety so I started searching for the place where it came from, but I couldn’t find more anywhere! I asked an employee and he helped me search but we couldn’t find a single other package of either variety anywhere in the store. Weird.

  50. I love the pumpkin one. It tastes good as a cheese sandwich.

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