Pumpkin Spice SPAM Review!

If you missed the news, Pumpkin Spice Spam is a real thing that really exists. It went on sale this past Monday, and sold out in mere hours — partially thanks to the many resellers who are now trying to flip goddamned SPAM on eBay.

I set an alarm to make sure I wouldn’t miss it, and now I’m armed with enough Pumpkin Spice Spam to survive three weeks in a fallout shelter.

When this stuff was announced back in August, I’d like to think I was a voice of reason. Some people have a negative Pavlovian response to pumpkin spice foods, because there sure have been some weird ones, and on its face, pumpkin spice MEAT definitely sounds weird.

I knew better. There are plenty of pork dishes that call for the same spices, and Spam is, after all, pork in Play-Doh form. I wasn’t surprised to find out that Pumpkin Spice Spam is legitimately good. If you’ve ever had, say, apple sausage, the flavor profile is in that vein. It’s Spam with a dash of nutmeg and a hint of cinnamon. If you can imagine the salty meat version of pumpkin pie mix, this is basically that.

For those amused by the concept of Pumpkin Spice Spam but unsure of what to do with it, there are a bunch of recipes on Spam’s official website. Naturally, I had to try one.

Behold, Pumpkin Spice Spam Topped Waffles! Make some waffles, drench them in maple syrup, add a dollop of nutmeg-dusted whipped cream, and then sprinkle fried cubes of Pumpkin Spice Spam all over that mess.

It’s divine. Shit’s like a whole breakfast plate from Denny’s, localized to two frozen waffles. While I’d imagine this would work almost as well with regular Spam, the sweeter notes of Pumpkin Spice Spam pair nicely with the syrup and whipped cream.

Spam’s website also offers recipes for a grilled cheese sandwich and some sort of complicated vegetable hash, but I don’t think the buck stops there. There are a million things you can do with it, even without an official tutorial from King Spam.

To prove it, here’s a dish from my own stupid brain. Pumpkin Spice Spam Stuffing! It’s insanely good. Even if you missed the boat on Pumpkin Spice Spam, I’d recommend trying it with the regular version.

It’s super easy, too. Takes about ten minutes. Brown some cubes of Pumpkin Spice Spam and set ‘em aside. Prepare a box of Stove Top stuffing, but specifically the cornbread version. While you’re boiling the water and butter, toss in some raisins and red apple cubes. Add the stuffing mix, fluff the hell out of it, and then mix in the reserved Spam.

The apples and raisins complement the Pumpkin Spice Spam, and since you used cornbread Stove Top, everything blends together perfectly.

Verdict: I don’t prefer Pumpkin Spice Spam to normal Spam, because I’m a slave to salt and I wouldn’t trade a grain of it for more sugar. Even so, I think this was a massive success. Nothing about Pumpkin Spice Spam reads as a “novelty food.” The flavors, and especially the balance of those flavors, all seem to have been well-considered. If you’re dying to try the stuff, it’s all over eBay, though as of this writing it’ll run you around $20 a can.

Look, the Halloween season is just a giant scavenger hunt. Tracking down all of the new foods and decorations is the heart of it all. Some of you may look at Pumpkin Spice Spam and just see Pumpkin Spice Spam, but for me, this was a total “achievement unlocked” situation.

And now I’m wondering if I can use my extra Spam to make a more autumnal version of Vincent Price’s Supper Casserole.