Halloween Lunchables!

Last night’s trip to Target was looking like another fruitless pile of trashy despair. The “back to school” section was still in full swing, and Halloween was nowhere in sight. This would’ve been much more depressing had frozen raspberries not been on sale.

But miracles do happen, and just when I was about to give up hope, I found ‘em.

HALLOWEEN LUNCHABLES.

This is their story, in under four minutes:

Remember how excited I was over last year’s debut? Well, the 2013 version is TWICE as great. Not only did they sneak a little chocolate witch into the party, but the drink of choice is none other than Ghoul-Aid Jammers!

My Target only had the “nacho” version. There’s a more exciting “pizza” version out there somewhere, which I plan to find/buy/eat/love at the first given opportunity.

I don’t want to add much else since that’s what the video is for, but suffice to say, this is another BIG ONE for the 2013 season. I look at these Lunchables, and suddenly the idea of raising children doesn’t sound so bad.

Good job, Kraft. You’ve proven yourselves capable of so much more than cheese.

Additional pics:





Think you’re too old for Lunchables? WRONG. Nobody is too old for nachos.

Buy them, love them and make them a part of your season.


48 Responses to Halloween Lunchables!

  1. That witch sort of looks like she’s gagged.

  2. A guy in my office used to eat Lunchables all the time, and he’s as mainstream and respectable as they come. So you’re good.

  3. Found the pizza version of these at HEB here recently. Hadn’t had lunchables since I was a kid, but I picked up a pack and I sure didn’t regret it.

  4. Quick FYI: Switching the YT player quality to at least 720p = less fuzz.

  5. I don’t know why, but I think you should cut out and frame the front of that Lunchables box. Seriously.

  6. Wow, that’s another hot product to add to the old shopping list. Sometimes reading these countdowns feels a little dangerous to my budget. Like the year you featured those Gogurt Halloween packages and I suddenly had a manic need to collect every single card, despite the fact that I’ve never liked the weird artificial taste of Gogurt and knew I’d be spending a bundle on groceries I wouldn’t eat.

    Oh well. Now I can say I’m the proud owner of a complete set of Gogurt monster cards, possibly the only complete set in the world, and it only set me back $50. That’s cheaper than a single ultra-rare Yu-Gi-Oh card would go for in most stores, so I call it a win.

  7. I wonder if I’d get weird looks if I at this in the break room at work. Another great video, Matt. You’re sincerity is striking and may just grant you a visit from the Great Pumpkin!

  8. I was never allowed to get Lunchables as a kid and I don’t know why, my Mom and Dad owned a freaking pizza place so it’s not like that decision was from a nutritional standpoint.

  9. My boyfriend and I LOVE those Nacho Lunchables. The fact that they are now hanging out with Elixir of the Gods and chocolate makes me want to hunt them down a billion times more. Not to mention I’m starving and could really go for one right now!

  10. I dig that Emoticon-looking Frankenstein’s Creature on the box.

    I wondered where the witch went to. For years, Dollar General had these great little Hallowe’en chocolates shaped like monster heads, vampires, mummies, and witches, along with some tasty cookies and cream-flavored cartoony looking skulls. Then, nothing last year. I guess the witches were moving from Palmer to Oscar Meyer.

  11. Any product that successfully merges the taste of a Nestles Crunch bar with the feeling of killing a witch seems like a very marketable product.

    Anyone remember those candy skulls and dracula heads that had “blood” (it was red jelly) in the middle? I want to say they were called Vampire’s secret. I remember getting them a few times in the late 80s. That was a successful combination of candy and bloodlust if there ever was one.

  12. @Barbecue17: Those were famous on old X-E “name that food” threads. Vampire’s Secret was a line of popsicles, though, which is even better. :)

  13. Loved the video!!

    I’m so sad this year for my classroom’s Halloween party. Our district adopted this new healthy food standard & I can no longer buy them adorable little cans of Halloween orange pop and other various treats you alerted me to during last year’s countdown. I’m hoping I can still make the Halloween jigglers, at least! Need to read the fine print of the policy.

  14. I went to Target today and they had the retro boxes of all the Monster cereals. I grabbed some Frute Brute.

    Also grabbed some pumpkin spice M&M’s. While there is a hint of pumpkin flavor, it’s mostly just cinnamon/nutmeg flavored. Not bad.

    Unless they make an appearance later in the season, it seems like Halloween Dots are extinct. Did the pumpkin pop-tarts appear around this time last year, or was that around Thanksgiving?

    I actually did a little research on “Slashdance” from the previous article, and it seems the only nudity in the film is just on the cassette cover. There’s none in the movie.

  15. Hell yeah. My Target is taking a long time to get their Halloween stuff out too. I’m checking back with them after Friday the 13th.

  16. Matt, here’s the spooky thing, I had a dream about this post last night. More accurately, about meeting you at the store while you were purchasing Halloween Lunchables. (Note: I am not kidding and I am also not prone to dreaming about internet bloggers I’ve never met)

    In the dream: I was wandering towards the front entrance of a supermarket where they had a bin of pumpkins for sale. It was there that I spotted an unshaven man in a gray hoodie hovering awkwardly (in the area, not the air) while holding some Halloween Lunchables in his hands. We made eye contact and you looked uncomfortable, but then I said I was a daily reader of Dino Drac and you (well, “Dream-Matt”) breathed a sigh of relief.

    We then proceeded to wander the store discussing the merits of discontinued fruit snacks like those awesome Garfield ones from the 90′s and then my 7 month old son woke me up with crying through the baby monitor and that was that.

    The weirdest part is, I remember someone else posted a similar dream meet-up story a few months ago and I’m starting to believe that your Freddy Krueger fandom has actually given you the powers of a Dream Master/Dream Warrior and you are pulling your loyal readers into your dreamscape.

    So I’m creeped out, but it just means Dino Drac’s Halloween Countdown 2013 will never be forgotten. Looking forward to the rest of the season! Oh and get out of my head, you psycho!

  17. Saw these earlier today on The Holidaze. I’m not a big Lunchables person but, I’d try these. If for no other reason than the chocolate witch and some Ghoul-Aid.

  18. I was in a Target Monday and it looked like they were starting to take down the back to school stuff.

  19. Nachos pass as lunch? How times have changed.

    Still this would be a good snackables!

  20. This is so far shaping up to be the best Halloween & Halloween countdown to date! I am happier than a bird with a french fry!

  21. @Matt

    You’re absolutely right about Vampire’s Secret being popsicles! I was actually thinking about it in the car and remembered that I had misattributed the name to the bloody skull candies. What were those things called, anyways? I remember buying them at Kings Island amusement park in OH around the same time the Real Ghostbusters gummies in the little plastic trays were released.

  22. When I make nachos I put practically everything on it. Meat, cheese, lettuce, tomato, jalapenos, onions, black olives, sour cream (occasionally guacamole), and salsa. It’s basically a taco salad on chips.

  23. Phew.. I thought our Target was the only one lagging behind with the Halloween inventory. I decided we were going to eat healthy a couple of weekends ago and I almost threw in the towel when I was unable to locate the orange serving platter with pumpkins and bats on it that I had woken up fantasizing about displaying carrot sticks on. Just a bunch of stupid back to school crap and barbeque tongs. Who is the corporate Target FOOL who deemed educational supplies more important than singing dancing skeletons and styrofoam tombstones. Good grief.

  24. You were totally contemplating dancing on the desk there for a few seconds. :)

  25. I’m not a Lunchables fan, but the box art is so nifty, I’ll be happy just to sell these when they finally start showing up at the store where I work. We’re also still at least partially selling back-to-school; the only Halloween stuff out is the candy. (And my managers’ huge decorating blitz.)

  26. what a fucking hipster frankenstein. sheesh. try harder why don’t you?

  27. The Target nearest to me JUST started to break out their Halloween stuff. I feel like they’re a couple weeks behind. It’s already the 11th! This is all going too fast.
    Also, I’ve been unable to find a Fear Finder yet ( A regional paper published in September with ads for all the haunted attractions throughout southeast Michigan). So that sucks.

  28. You make a big deal and then simplify it with “Thanks for watching my review for nachos and kool aid.” Genius.

  29. I say this about everything you write about (well, everything EDIBLE, at least…I AM a fat man), but I must have this. I’ve never had a nachos Lunchable but I’ve had the pizza and wasn’t impressed. Can you heat these things up? The pizza would probably be better if heated up and I would want to heat up the cheese sauce for the nachos. Seriously, can you heat this stuff up?

  30. The 2013 season is starting to get out of hand. I am afraid to ask for more, but I can’t help myself.

  31. That chocolate witch looks great. It’s almost a shame to eat it. Kraft could have easily just made it a plain chocolate color, but they took the extra step to color it.

    The last time I had Lunchables was when were still a brand new product. Never had them too often back then either.

  32. Matt, I think if you were to put the chips/cheese/salsa unit into the microwave and heat it for a little bit, maybe 20-30 seconds, your experience will increase 200%.

    Mind, I’m guessing, not really a nachos person, but it seems something worth trying. :)

    Note: Chocolate Witches not made to be microwaved.

  33. These look awesome, but I’m afraid my heart would explode – both from joy and all of the sodium that those type of things usually have. It reminds me of the Hungry Man Breakfast review you did back on X-E!

  34. @Junior Gorg — that Hungry Man breakfast review was my first exposure to X-E. It made the rounds of the ad agency where I worked like laughing gas. People were cracking up over it all day long. And I knew I’d be following the writer of that masterpiece for as long as he posted.

  35. Think of all the wonders that Matt’s shyness has cost us … wait, no, knowing what currently passes for “dancing on tables” I don’t think I want to see Matt twerking on the desk back there.

    I want the Halloween season to conclude without my eyes developing festering pustules and leaking out of my sockets.

  36. “Twerking” shouldn’t exist. Neither should Miley Cyrus at this point. She should take her tongue and go home never to be heard from again.

  37. The only anti-climactic thing about the video is I thought the chocolate witch would be bigger. I was kind of let down to see it was only as big as a penny. Man your videos are suspenseful.

  38. The lobbyists petitioning that Kraft call their cheese “embalmed” instead of “processed” only makes me want to try this all the more. I’m hoping if we eat enough of these, all Halloween enthusiasts will eventually have enough preservatives in us to all live an eternal life.

  39. From here on out, whenever I’m excited about anything at all in life, I’m going to scream, “Soft plastic! Hard plastic! Holy shit!”

  40. That chocolate fetish witch makes me feel tingly in me pants.

  41. I guess it would’ve been a bridge too far had Kraft dyed the cheese Halloween green.

  42. Is this a good place to whine about how much I hated witch stuff as a kid? Same with vampires; they are basically human. I felt I was getting cheated out of a great monster.

  43. I really hope the grocery stores near me get something Halloween-y in soon. I haven’t seen anything yet and it’s making me antsy. Like, I will somehow miss all the Halloween stuff.

  44. I really loved Dracula as a kid, so I can’t back you up on that vampires claim, Friendo. For the longest time, I was either a Dracula or a Grim Reaper for Halloween. Just had to decide which one I liked more that year. Then I heard the song Night of the Vampire by the band Grim Reaper and my worlds collided. That year, I was the Crypt Keeper.

  45. I have to admit I have denied the fruit of my loins lunchables in the past, but this year I am going to surprise them with these. They will think old dad has finally cracked. But in a cool way. I like to surprise them sometimes just to show them that life is like that.

  46. Curse living on the other side of the world.

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