Halloween Lunchables YES!

I can’t believe it. It’s finally happened. It’s taken years, but it’s finally happened.

We got ‘em, folks. We got Halloween Lunchables.

You have NO IDEA how long I’ve waited for this.

This is my tenth year doing the Halloween Countdown, and during almost every prior edition, I looked for this. Exactly this. It just seemed like such an obvious thing to do, and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why Lunchables wasn’t doing it. It drove me CRAZY.

Every October, I dug through the Lunchables section of every supermarket I could find, hoping and praying for something orange. The cheese didn’t count, for it was always too yellow. Until now, every search was a bust. A horrible bust.

Still, I knew it would happen, someday. It had to. It was fate, it was destiny, and it was a chance to get extra mileage from those special Oreos with the spooky creme.

Oh yes — the wait is over. HALLOWEEN LUNCHABLES are here. Call your friends, call your relatives, call anyone who likes turkey in the shape and scale of Oxy pads.

I’m not sure if there are other versions of Halloween Lunchables out there. I could only find this one. The turkey & cheese “cracker stackers” one. You know, “the classic.” They made the right choice, but I still hold out hope that King Lunchable will do the same for one of his make-your-own pizza kits. BECAUSE I NEED TO ARRANGE THAT MOZZARELLA IN THE SHAPE OF A GHOST.

Good, I was right. Capped words make plain statements read like jokes.  I’M SITTING AT MY DESK.

The wrapper art is just fantastic. It’s full of Halloween symbols (even pitchforks that could be easily mistaken for candelabras), and it’s all presented in a choiiiiice shade of jade green. They want you to think “slime,” but nuh uh. I know jade when I see it. And I always love it when I do.

I was so afraid that they’d limit the spookiness to the wrapper art, but no sir. They went all-in. Included with the turkey Frisbees and phony Ritz crackers are HALLOWEEN OREOS, with a creme so orange it might as well be red. This is a far cry from our wildest dreams (mine involves “chicken dunks” in the shape of monster feet), but it’s still a solid…uh…the word…the one that means you ran to third base…TRIPLE.

It’s still a solid triple, and in a way, I’m glad it’s only a triple. Because now that Halloween Lunchables are here, I forbid them to ever go away. Come October 2013, I expect…nay, demand, to see them return. And maybe next year is when they’ll hit that home run. Maybe next year is when we’ll get chicken shaped like werewolf paws.

Finally, something to look forward to. The rest of you can book your stupid vacations, and spend your stupid six months salivating over those glorious weeks-to-come. I don’t need them. I’ll get through my days with visions of next year’s Halloween Lunchables.

Man, now that I’ve written that, it sounds so depressing. Things like this go a long way in explaining why I so rarely smile. Things like this, and the fact that my overbite is such that I can actually open cans by rolling them across my top teeth.

Eh, screw that. Today is not a depressing day. Today is a happy day. A really, really happy day. Today is the day I found Halloween Lunchables. Today is also the day my DVR snagged the episode of 227 guest-starring Pee-wee Herman.

Now I’m going to the couch, where Mary Jenkins and Pee-wee and a tray full of cookies and meat await.

There’s…no place like home.

39 Responses to Halloween Lunchables YES!

  1. I’m really glad you finally found some Halloween Lunchables!! I’m also glad they went with the classic turkey stackers and didn’t experiment and come up with some terrible new nasty. I think they stand a better chance of returning next year by sticking with a safe choice. I love the packaging it’s super cute and super Halloween at the same time.

    So did you win anything? It says over 1,000,000 prizes! That’s going to haunt me all evening.

  2. so how many of your readers are going to go back through old pictures and vlogs of you looking for your overbite?

  3. Consider yourself lucky (overbite and all), I go to every store on Halloween looking for the return of Fruit Brute. You’re wish is at least possible!

  4. I think you meant “perused,” as in looked at, browsed, rather than “pilfered,” as in stole.

  5. At least, I hope you did.

  6. This makes me so happy.
    I hope my crappy supermarket has these so I can eat it while watching The worst witch tomorrow.

  7. Pilfered? The word “pilfered” does not appear in this article. I swear it never has. I will swear it forever.

  8. What is it that makes Lunchables so appealing? Note it has Halloween Oreos and not Candy Corn Oreos…

  9. I have to be honest, I can’t stand lunchables and their overly processed fake deli food. However your 227 reference causes me to want to share how much my son loves that show, watched it once on Hulu and he was hooked instantly because, ” I love the old lady who talks out of her window!” The end.

  10. You’re far too forgiving. They could have at least done something with the crackers. Or how about zombie turkey disks. That’s probably not too far off from the reality of lunchables anyway.

  11. My excitement doesn’t really come from a place of Lunchables love. I’ve seen so many other kiddy foods get Halloween editions, and with most of them, it was so much harder to do. This just seemed like such an easy evolution for Lunchables, especially given the fact that they debut 75 new types each week. As a Halloween blogger-guy who is constantly running out of things to write about, I needed them to do this. Finally, they have.

    However, I did love them back in school. For a week, at least. Then I looked around and realized that I was the only idiot busting out Lunchables. I think this was the sixth grade, and I had enough troubles in the sixth grade without being labeled “Lunchables Boy.”

  12. The ultimate mid day snack. Turkey, cheese, crackers and spooky Oreo’s. Pure win here.

  13. Awesome. I love Lunchables, and the crackers + meat are always the best. Congrats, Matt, on a holiday wish come true. I’m curious as to what prizes could provide the dream of “Never being Bored Again!”. The War on Boredom is a battle I fight everyday, and constantly lose.

  14. Wait a second; on the package the oreos have pumpkin and ghost designs. From what I can make in your photo, the oreos have their regular branding on them. Perhaps your dream lunchables have deceived you?

  15. On one hand, I’m with Matt – I’m surprised Lunchables never did something like this before, and the cover art is seriously cute.

    On the other hand…yuck. I don’t do Lunchables. Other than the rare treat of a sandwich from a deli, I generally try to avoid processed meat and cheese. This will be fun for those who can stomach them, though.

  16. I liked Lunchables back when I was too young to know better. Honestly I’m surprised they still sell the damn things.

    Those little spiders on the package are adorable though.

  17. @Jeff is right – the Oreos on the box art are far superior to the actual ones in the kit.

    Also, I can tell you’ve never worked on a farm because that’s not a pitchfork, that’s a trident, which is way weird but I guess it’s meant to be what a devil would be carrying around.

    And it is a bit weird that if you’re going through all the trouble of shaping turkey into perfectly round discs why not go full monty and shape them into pumpkins or bats or something?

    I think the box art guys got the Halloween message but the food guys missed an email or two.

  18. I want one of these immediately. Too bad the stores are closed.

  19. These Lunchables are pure win Matt! I’m honestly happy for you. lol I could’ve sworn they already had a Halloween version though. Then again, I haven’t kept up with lunchables in years. I loved em when I was a little whipper snapper though.

  20. I hate to say the only lunchables I really like are the snack ones, like the Nachos. Reason being that every time I’ve ever had the regular ones something has been “off” with the meat.

    Like, the “already too thick for my taste” meat I end up with usually has a big honking vein of gross in it or something, and totally turns me off. Since I see part of the entire price being the fact that they give you “meat” in it at all, I always feel gypped that I never end up eating it because of this.

    Also, the pizza ones? I like my pizza either hot or postmortem refrigerator cold (but never reheated from that state), not precooked consistency. Plus, being Italian I”m a little bit of a sauce Nazi, and sadly I can’t get myself past even the prepackaged lunchable variety.

  21. I didn’t have Lunchables growing up. My Grandma was too cheap. I tried them a few years ago and I love the pizza ones and the nugget ones. Who knew cold chicken nuggets could taste so good. They have new bags now of just the nuggets.

    I could never though buy them for a child. I am cheap and I would rather buy a reusable tub and put cheese and crackers in that. I could figure out how to make the pizza kits too. I am not against processed kids marketed food. I love spaghetti O’s.

  22. I haven’t eaten a Lunchable in a few years now, but we still buy them all the time for our kids.

    I don’t have anything against the little meat discs, I just want more than what is offered per package.

  23. The packaging has really improved since I was a kid. But that invitation to NEVER BE BORED AGAIN sounds like the setup to a Twilight Zone episode. Or at least a Goosebumps book.

  24. The box art is pretty niffy but…hey you guys are right those Oreos in the box don’t have the Halloween shapes on them. False advertising!

    @Matt: yeah unfortunately I could see pulling out Lunchables, especially this Halloween version in sixth grade would most likely cause ridicule but hopefully not an ass beating. :)

  25. So of course after reading this I went up the block to pick some up for my daughter. I get to the Lunchables section and they’re all perfectly displayed on the wall with one gaping hole. They were completely sold out of the turkey & cheese. I think it’s time Matt sets up texts alerts for things like this.

  26. Your review today reminds me of good old Ralphie and his Red Ryder B-B gun! Just don’t go off and die now because your life is so very fulfilled and complete! -We aren’t done with Halloween yet!

  27. @Hoverbored

    Holy crap, those mini-figs are awesome.(though I question the David Letterman gap in Donnie’s teeth)

  28. I got kind of hooked on these things at my old job because they were sold in the vending machine and made for an easy at-the-desk snack, but I agree, that “meat” barely fits the definition of the word.

    Pee-Wee on 227!? What the fudge? Was the word of the day “Jackee”?

  29. @Hoverbored Lego and TMNT?! Hell yeah!
    @BoomingEchoes Yeah, the design for the new talking Donatello has the same weird teeth. The figure itself makes him look like a total goon, instead of a turtle nerd.

  30. The cookies do have the Halloween designs. I just photographed the side that doesn’t. Doh.

  31. And can I say to Matt, I’m really digging all the content for this year’s Countdown. I mean it was always great with X-E, but you’re not slouching in the least when it comes to DD’s first ever Halloween celebration. I love that I can stop in once or twice a day and there’s always something new. Keep it up, and bring on more vids.

  32. Let me just echo DJ D‘s post. This Countdown has been the opposite of disappointing.

  33. The Lunchables you posted made me want to go out and buy some. I’ve always loved Lunchables, and I’ll be on the lookout for these next time I’m at the store.
    Speaking of Pee-Wee Herman, did you ever see the Broadway Pee-Wee’s Playhouse show?

  34. So, I just watched Trick r Treat for the first time. I hate myself for not checking it out sooner. Hands down the best Halloween movie I have seen, maybe ever. It just captures the spirit perfectly!

  35. mimitchi33- I saw the Scooby Doo buckets tonight. I ought to get one for the trick-or-treaters.

    Anyone else annoyed at having to watch the McDonald’s channel every time you go in there?

  36. Also, anyone else notice the new Halloween jukebox up from that “other site”? It’s not as good.

  37. These are great and all, but I really wish they’d bring back the herb sauce/goo in the pinchy container… container optional.

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