Hot Chocolate Pop-Tarts.

Along with one or two returning holiday flavors, Kellogg’s has blessed us with all-new Frosted Marshmallow Hot Chocolate Pop-Tarts, thereby increasing their streak of Pop-Tarts flavors with extremely long names to an impressive 267.

Okay, so they’re not as “showy” as Kellogg’s previous offerings, like Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts or Gingerbread Pop-Tarts. They’re not as weird-in-a-good way, nor colorful, nor do they come with any bizarre recipes on the side panel. All true, but these Pop-Tarts have it where it counts:

They taste like hot chocolate.

I took that photo of them in their “plain” state, but you kinda do need to toast them. Even if you prefer your Pop-Tarts with no caloric upgrades, the heat has a way of bringing out their scent. Believe me, this is a scent you WANT brought out.

Like, picture the most classic cup of hot chocolate you can imagine. Now picture it five feet tall. Whatever you think that would smell like is pretty close to how these smell. If it’s possible to get high from the aroma of blistery Pop-Tarts, brother, I am so there.

While the pastry and its frosting cover the “chocolate” base, a core of bright goo handles the “marshmallows.” It’s like NASA figured out how to freeze-dry hot chocolate, only not really at all like that.

I don’t keep score of these things, but I’ll go out on a limb and proclaim that there’s never been a tastier Pop-Tart. I’ll also proclaim that no other Pop-Tart has ever looked so much like an army of mites swarming over Mars.

The Rule of Triples means I get one more proclamation, but I’ll save that for when it’ll really count.


21 Responses to Hot Chocolate Pop-Tarts.

  1. These are amazing and I must have them.

    Where did you find them, Matt?

  2. I always assume Target, but the truth is, they could’ve come from any department store or supermarket. I’ve been not-literally sitting on them for more than a a week, and it’s all a blurrrr.

  3. Agreed, these are the rare breed of Pop-Tarts that are better toasted. I wrote about them a while ago, but your post is much better… lol. I’m kind of sad though, this flavor is nowhere to be found around here, and I want more!

  4. When it comes to Pop-Tarts, my rule of thumb is if they’re simply fruit-flavored, toast them. If they’re any of the non-fruit ones, they taste better frozen to me.

  5. Man, these sound incredible. I’m so glad I live in Canada, because I would get so fat if I lived in the states.

  6. I saw these at Target. The only reason I didn’t buy them is we were credit card shopping :/

  7. Found these puppies at the local Target. Should be nation-wide by now!! Check Seasonal department for these.

  8. I’m not much of a Pop-Tart person anymore. On a whim, after not having any for many years, I bought some—the classic strawberry variety—and I swear the crust was far more akin to cardboard and the filling was rather paltry compared to how I remember them as a kid. Was this just a case of the rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia fucking over my expectations, or have they changed a bit over the years?

    All of that said, you have somehow totally sold me on these and I would now buy the hell out of them if I saw any around here. You know what I really like about them? The generic wintery feel about them. This has always been a pet issue for me. There are so many “Holiday Edition” foods that come out this time of year with red and green color schemes and overtly X-massy packaging that it’s fun while it lasts, but after the big day is over, you’re stuck with a pantry of food that screams “It’s all finished now! You’ll have to wait another eleven months before I don’t look like out-dated goods from a bargain bin!”. Not so with these; they’d feel totally appropriate well into early spring. I’m all for specific-holiday oriented stuff, but more brands need to be cranking out the “ice blue/winter/snow” themed stuff so that inevitable post-Christmas January slump can feel festive, too.

  9. Hell yes on “more icy blue” stuff. I had to go slightly darker for sake of legibility, but don’t think Dino Drac’s site background wasn’t crafted with that exact blue in mind.

    With these, I can only assume that the “light” holiday theme is because Kellogg’s knew they’d achieved flavor/smell perfection and didn’t need to press further. Save the extra bells and whistles for the flavors that taste like sugary wood.

  10. I want them. I love them. I want to rub them up on my face and kiss them. My Special K breakfast sandwiches are going to get mad jealous.

  11. Hey, so what’s this “frozen hot chocolate” nonsense Sonic(?) came up with?

  12. Happy SNT everyone! I am watching some Amazing Stories, next episode up, “Go to the Head of the Class”

  13. I got some of these and thought they tasted nothing like marshmallows, hot chocolate, or much of anything besides plain ol’ sugar. I should have been less lazy and actually heated them up, I guess.

  14. I cant eat this stuff anymore. I’m not saying this because I am holier than thou and love eating healthy. I just feel like crap if I dont, and it makes me feel old But now I do feel like doing some holiday baking. :D

  15. I always buy Pop Tarts (usually because Matt writes about them) and then I’m just not that crazy about them. But once again, it looks like Kellogg’s is going to get some of my money because they put a winter scene on the box. Bastards.

    For those who remember the X-E Secret Santa program, I posted something that may be of interest to you in the comments of the last article (I thought it seemed fitting to post it on an AC article). I won’t get into all the details again, but whether you were a part of it or not, if you think you might be interested, go here: http://www.elfster.com/exchange/view/8175293/ All are welcome!

  16. Dang it, MORE great stuff at Sonic that I never get to see! Why must they torture us? Oh well, at least I still have Jack-in-the-Box…

    Here’s a tip: Never play Wheel of Fortune with someone who’s really good at Wheel of Fortune. The final round clue was:

    TITLE: SES__E STREET

  17. I love this review! I only partake in Pop Tarts that contain marshmallow, which up until now only meant S’mores flavor. I’m definitely more into the soft, flaky crust of frost-it-yourself Toaster Strudel. You know, the one your parents never got you because they were too expensive, took up valuable freezer space and you only got six in a box.

  18. Geez, now I’m glad I’m swearing off anything I don’t absolutely need. I don’t even eat Pop Tarts, and those look incredible. I knew Gingerbread and Sugar Cookie were returning, but I had no idea about these.

    Then again…I saw Hot Chocolate Cupcake and Brownie Betty Crocker mixes at work tonight. Must be this year’s big Christmas flavor trend, like the year a while back where everything had to taste like a candy cane. Hey, if it involves chocolate and marshmallows, you won’t hear me complain.

  19. I was at target yesterday and bought them and thought “I bet Matt would write about these” I will try heating one up, I usually just fling them in my mouth as is. I also wanted to say that the holiday jukebox is great, it gives me a boost whenever I need it.

  20. That looks absolutely delicious. My house currently has a box of pumpkin pie Pop Tarts from Thanksgiving 2011 in its cupboard. I think my wife bought them and just forgot about them.

  21. Thank you for the opportunity to fantasize about a 5′ tall hot chocolate.

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