Patriotic Pull ‘n Peel Twizzlers!

I found some new Twizzlers today. Most of you wouldn’t think that a new Twizzlers flavor is just cause for a complete and total shift in one’s religious beliefs and personal trajectory, but before you put a stamp on that stance, check out the photos in this review. Because Holy Jesus.

To correctly identify these takes a lot of words, so I’m only going to do it once. Officially, they’re Raspberry Wild Berry Lemonade Pull ‘n Peel Twizzlers. These are the Twizzlers that sit on Santa’s lap and ask for everything.

I’m calling them Patriotic Pull ‘n Peel Twizzlers. It’s shorter. More alliterative.

Of course, I’m not entirely sure that they’re meant to celebrate our great nation. The colors are right, and the package is adorned with several fireworks, but the Hershey Company refused to take things any further. I guess that lets them sell these in other countries without making people explode.

Patriotic Pull ‘n Peel Twizzlers are downright attractive. They barely look edible, but I somehow mean that as a compliment. The huddling strands of red, white and blue inspire me to weave Twizzler purses to sell at flea markets. For some reason, the regulars will know me as “Rosy Red.” I’ll be told I’m a real pistol.

Just you TRY to name something prettier than these Twizzlers. I agree that taste is a subjective thing, but if you’re familiar with the criminal works of Maelstrom, you know that there’s always an anomaly. In respect to judging pretty things, this is the anomaly. Subjectivity cannot affect Patriotic Pull ‘n Peel Twizzlers’ reign over all other Good Looking Things.

If there’s a downside, it’s that the candy tastes nowhere near as good as it looks. (As if that’s even possible.) It’s still tasty, though. The white lemonade strands add a pleasant bite, while the other two mix deep berry flavors to keep things out of the Pucker Zone.

(Good. The Pucker Zone has eighty thousand connotations, and none of them are positive.)

If the concept of Pull ‘n Peel Twizzlers is somehow new to you: Yes, you really can peel these into individual strands. Each piece includes nine strands, and how you eat them is up to you. Some people like them whole. Others prefer to laboriously separate each strand, in bizarre, ritualistic scenes set against candlelight and MP3s of recorded thunderstorms. And there are probably other methods somewhere in the middle, too.

Okay, so this post. A quick skim tells me that I went off the rails by the tenth syllable. May as well go for broke.

Remember my Panettone Cake Monster? The one I made in December and swore to keep forever? Well, I have kept it, and I will continue to do so. But that doesn’t mean I can’t give it a makeover every now and again.

Behold, the Patriotic Panettone Cake Monster. He’s ready for summer. So am I.

35 Responses to Patriotic Pull ‘n Peel Twizzlers!

  1. And it’s a low fat snack! Perfection.

  2. I had a similar, if more subdued reaction to seeing these. I haven’t bought a package yet, but I intend to do so soon.

  3. First Millard Fillmore pez dispensers, now this. What a wondrous age we live in.

  4. I was in Hershey, PA at Hershey Park two weeks back and spotted these in their massive candy shop. Bought a pack and ate them in a week. I thought they looked like 4th of July candy getting an early release.

  5. Good Lord, you are a special kind of insane, but that’s why I love ya!

    And while my wife thinks they look gross (she’s never been a fan of Pull’N’Peels), I am very excited to find and devour some.

  6. These look amazing, will buy tomorrow if I can find them

  7. When it comes to licorice, unless they are filled, I’ve always found them somewhat bland. The sole exception being the sorely missed Starbursts ones.

  8. Wow. I haven’t seen these yet at the grocery store where I work. I’m not a Twizzler fan and probably won’t buy them, but at least they look cool, and there isn’t much in the way of summer-themed candy.

  9. Did you know that the red, white, and blue combination is used on more nation’s flags than any other color combination. Pretty cool to know.

  10. Dude these are pretty. I don’t even like Pull n’ Peel Twizzlers but I can still appreciate these colors. Also I am slightly buzzed so it’s really hard to type. hooray beer.

  11. Is that monster left in the freezer?

    I love this update, it’s really put me in the mood for summer. That and the weather finally starting to behave. Hopefully, we’ll see a return of a famous jukebox this year.

  12. Love the cracked M&M teeth. Make it look more ghoulish than ever.

  13. The surprise appearance of TA-DA! totally makes this post. He looks amazing all swagged out in his patriotic colors.

    I love Twizzlers and can’t wait to find these!

  14. God, I want to eat these with wire cutters and pretend I am defusing a bomb.

  15. Speaking of fun little “did you know”s, did you know that Bat Man is actually billionaire Bruce Wayne? He’s that guy that runs the Wayne Foundation, Wayne Industries, Wayne Enterprises, and probably a bunch of other shit named after himself.

  16. What the fuck, old chum?

  17. I think I just discovered my Halloween costume for this year…

  18. Went to Duane Reed this morning but they didn’t have them. Where did you find these Matt?

  19. @Joker: I found them at CVS, as part of a setup that looked to be the beginnings of a “summer candy spread.”

  20. Personally, I prefer to delicately pull apart each strand to the soothing sound of swarming bees, and braid them (the strands, not the bees. My syntax got a bit ahead of me there.)


  22. I agre with you, Matt, it does look too pretty to be edible … Reminds me of Play-Doh (which I guess is technically edible, but still).

  23. I know what I am doing when I get out of work tonight, buying beer and these. Going to be an interesting night.

  24. A lemonade flavored Twizzler sounds interesting, and this will be the main reason I would buy these. And they sure are pretty.

  25. These are what I am asking my hubby to bring me after my upcoming knee surgery….yes…same knee as the one I posted in September. Monday I am going to find out if I have MS or fibromyalgia or what…I don’t wanna be a Debbie downer, but if the meniscus repair doesn’t work..doc says he is breaking my leg and making it completely straight, since my left leg is like slightly off center… Matt, thanks for having this place here, so we can all forget about life for awhile.

  26. @mandy: I’ve had considerable ‘hospital time’ in my life, too. Never fun. Be strong and know that there are people out here who are thinking of you and sending you good thoughts and power. …And take all the free ice cream and Sierra Mist the nurses will give you.
    Sometimes I wish the Dino Drac community all had P.O. boxes, so we could send each other stuff while still remaining kind of private. That way, we could all send you cards…and Twizzlers.

  27. WOW, The Patriotic Panettone Cake Monster has a Lust for Life. I can tell from the way he looks at me.

  28. Glad to see PCM is still rockin’ with the best of us!

  29. They remind me of those erasers

  30. i found these at walmart the other day

  31. These look awesome and inspire me to peel each strand halfway down, then whip it around like a cat of nine tails while singing the national anthem at the top of my lungs.

    I miss the chocolate Pull ‘n Peel Twizzlers. The regular chocolate Twizzlers just aren’t as good.

  32. Looking for the red white and blue twizzelers. My son and grand son love them. Where can I find them. I live in Shelton,CT
    Thank you

  33. I found them at CVS Pharmacy.

  34. You left out the part where they totally taste like Bomb Pops.

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