Over on Dino Drac’s Facebook page, several readers obliged me with suggestions for a painted-at-work Christmas montage. Here’s what I had time for. (Actually, in no way, shape or form did I have time for this – but I did it anyway. You can’t fire a freelancer. You can only pretend he died.)
1. Estelle Getty, dressed as Dinosaur Dracula, dressed as Santa Claus. (Suggested by Jeff S.)
2. McDonald’s legendary Holiday Pie, with its wonderful circus sprinkles. I’d love to review this for real, but the all of the McD’s restaurants around here treat me like a crazy person when I ask about it. (Suggested by Louis Q.)
3. Crystal from Roseanne, sadly drinking a glass of Cranberry Sierra Mist. (Another suggestion from Jeff S.)
4. An argument with an older relative about politics or racism. (Suggested by Jessica D.)
5. Eggnog monster. (Suggested by Clay A.)
6. Jason Voorhees topping a Christmas tree with Sally’s head. (Suggested by Bill W.)
7. Michael S. suggested “the Christmas special version of a horror franchise.” I almost followed his directions, and came up with Bellraiser, the story of a Cenobite-turned-Salvation Army guy.
8. Five golden eggs. (Suggested by Jonny L.)
9. Fruitcake creatures. (Suggested by Amber I.)
Thanks, guys. Guess I should go earn a living for an hour.