Food – Retro

I’m back with another review of old Kool-Aid. Just smile and nod and pretend that this is something you care about. I said nod. For the longest time, Surfin’ Berry Punch was my white whale. My bright red white whale. It’s one of the hardest Kool-Aid flavors to find on the collectors

During Married with Children’s fifth season two-parter, You Better Shop Around, the Bundys battled the D’Arcys in a bootleg version of Supermarket Sweep. It’s easy to see why these episodes are so beloved by fans: The cast had perhaps never been more willing to get physical and

Throw Beverly Hills Cop, Cool as Ice and a big block of Velveeta into a blender, and out would come Stone Cold. The 1991 cult classic stars Brian “The Boz” Bosworth as a rebel cop who plays by his own rules and dresses like a surfer version of General Zod. It’s terrible and great. Co

I am now the proud owner of a sealed bag of TMNT Crunchabungas. I’m not lying! Though the packages are dated 1990, research suggests that TMNT Pizza Crunchabungas didn’t hit stores until early ‘91. The snacks debuted at the very height of Turtlemania, when our green heroes were basic

As most of you know, Ecto Cooler has retired again, with the remaining stock from its summer run now being liquidated at dollar stores and discount shops. Stock up while it lasts! But here’s something that most of you don’t know: Ecto Cooler’s termination marks the end of a Hi-C fla

I’m gonna drink really old Kool-Aid, but first I gotta preamble your ass. I enjoyed Kool-Aid all through childhood, of course, but I’ve been collecting Kool-Aid all through adulthood. The “collecting” part was spurred by the Kool-Aid FAQ, a late ‘90s web doc that opened my eyes t

Let’s head back to the ‘90s to go grocery shopping. Assume we have a time machine and low aspirations. And that I’m the tallest. Below: Eight great junk foods from the 1990s, immortalized in old newspaper advertisements. Wise Crazy Calypso Chips! (1993) Augh, finally! I’ve been try

Time to break out the super old cookbooks again! As longtime readers know, I never let a holiday season slip by without trying out some old and iffy recipes. These are typically plucked from the pages of ‘60s and ‘70s cookbooks, back when chicken drumsticks looked like Flintstones food

I’ve been waiting to write about these STUPID AWESOME POPSICLES for more than a decade. Sounds nuts, but LOOK AT THEM: I first heard of Good Humor’s Vampire’s Secret ice pops back in the early days of X-E, from readers who kinda sorta remembered them, but only with sketchy, impressi

I don’t know why I’m even bothering with an intro. You’re just gonna skip ahead to the rotten pasta. Hey, I don’t blame you. I’d do the same. Behold, a sealed can of Chef Boyardee’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pasta, from 1991. Well, a formerly sealed can… DUH NUH NUH NUH NU

My obsession with old Kool-Aid packets takes me to strange places. Like the back pages of Spider-Man comics from the late ‘90s. Thanks to a hot tip on Twitter (love you, Aaron and Skinslip), I learned that the July 1996 issue of The Amazing Spider-Man was hiding something awesome inside

While tidying up my office, I came across a stash of old cereal boxes, sandwiched between far less interesting things. Below are five of them. (This is what we in the biz call a utilitarian intro.) Spider-Man Cereal! (1995) At least partially inspired by the 1994 cartoon, Ralston’s Spide

A few hours ago, I heard a too-gentle knock on the front door. It was the FedEx guy, looking to make a delivery without any pesky conversation. That’s my kind of FedEx guy. Yes. It has arrived. ECTO COOLER. Last week, someone from Coca-Cola’s PR firm blessed me with the email to end al

Just when I thought that I’d mined nostalgia from every conceivable source, in swoops this: My buddy Paul generously donated his copy of Connections For Health, an academic textbook (or whatever) from 1986. Its 500 pages offer very little of note, but Paul noticed something awesome on

More amazing snacks from the '80s and '90s, reviewed! This time, I'm digging up Crunch Tators, Jolt Cola, Undercover Bears and more!

Get ready to have your minds blown: Doritos 3D’s still exist. No, I’m not talking about those Jacked 3D things. I mean the really real deal versions. The ones that look like pregnant Bugles. THESE: But hold on. There’s a catch. To the best of my knowledge, Doritos 3D’s are only

I spent $100 on Ninja Turtles pork rinds. Actually, with shipping, I spent $104. Distributed by Rolets in 1990, the pork rinds were meant to promote the first Ninja Turtles movie. (First and still the best, IMO.) While something pizza-related was obviously a more natural fit — and t

Here’s another bunch of old junk food from my always-growing collection. At this point, our apartment stocks more old food than new food. It’s like the world’s most misleading pick for a emergency fallout shelter. WWF Superstars of Wrestling Bars! More commonly known as WWF Ice Crea

Hello! Below are twelve things that we used to buy from supermarkets. May they make you pine for things you can no longer eat, wear, style with, and/or swallow when you have a headache. (ad from 1986) Wise Cottage Fries were big, thick, ridged potato chips. These were a major favorite of

I have a bottle of Crystal Pepsi! And it only cost as much as dinner for two! I can’t imagine that many of you missed the news, but yes, Pepsi — inspired by an online campaign spearheaded by competitive eater L.A. Beast — has dusted off perhaps its most famously infamous soft

Below: Five cereal boxes from Christmases past. They’re all from my personal collection. I’ll thank you in advance for reading this, as it helps to justify why I have a personal collection of Christmassy cereal boxes. As always, you’re my silent enablers. My tongueless Iagos. Go

Midway through Thanksgiving, the news broke: Coca-Cola has renewed its trademark for Ecto Cooler, signaling mass speculation that the ghoulish green beverage just might be returning as part of the Ghostbusters reboot push. This trademark renewal does not in of itself guarantee Ecto Cooler

Ah, it’s that time of year again! Time to make funky appetizers from the 1960s! As longtime readers know, I’m obsessed with old cookbooks. Specifically, cookbooks from that weird stretch of years when every other recipe called for unflavored gelatin. This obsession hits a fever pitch d

Tonight I’m gonna open a pack of Planters P.B. Crisps from 1993. That’s the short version of the story, at least. Now the longer one must be told. Google around, and you’ll find a seemingly limitless number of pleas for Planters to bring them back. P.B. Crisps were an immediate succe

Thanks to the tremendous response from our listeners, The Purple Stuff Podcast — originally conceived as a Halloween-only show — now continues on a weekly basis with no end in sight! This week, me and Jay from The Sexy Armpit cover a bunch of discontinued junk foods that weR