It’s Friday night. Only half the presents are wrapped, and only half the mushrooms are stuffed. As usual, I have a million things left to do before my family’s Christmas Eve party. Between now and then, I’ll be lucky if I get four hours sleep.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The preparations actually began yesterday, with me zipping from one store to another, looking for those last gifts, and that stupid parsley, and oh God, how did I forget the wrapping paper?

My first stop was the liquor store. I wanted to knock that chore off the list as early as possible. Have you ever gone to a liquor store on Christmas Eve? Holy hell, it’s the worst.

The tequila is for me and my girlfriend. These days, that’s all we really drink. My family is more into assorted wines and fruity cocktails, but since I drink to excess on Christmas, I prefer to avoid spirits that are 100% guaranteed to give me a hangover. When my head hurts, I am so fucking whiny.

The spiked eggnog is for anyone who wants it, as are the bottles of Prosecco. (Never had Prosecco? It’s like the champagne version of wine. Good stuff!) Read More…

I wanted to get one more catalog review done before Christmas, and I think we’re ending with a doozy. (And also a DaZoo, but that joke won’t become funny until you’re a thousand words in.)

Behold, the 1986 Sears Wish Book! This was a big one, guys. Action figures as a concept were at peak heat, and toy companies were literally going for broke.

It’s not simply that there were so many action figure lines competing, but also that they were all so different. It’s easy to see why many people my age cling fiercely to this hobby: We grew up when action figures were the best game in town, and even if they rarely are nowadays, we’ll always know what they can be.

Below are nine highlights from the ‘86 Wish Book, covering everything from Transformers to space cadet Cabbage Patch Kids. Even with all of this, I could easily do another 5 articles from just this one catalog.

Eternia Playset!
($99.99)

Now among the most famous Masters of the Universe collectibles, Eternia was as much a white whale in the mid ‘80s as it is in 2016. Added to the toy line well after its popularly peaked, Eternia also suffered from a retail price that still sounds extravagant.

Essentially a cross between a model train set and Disney’s monorail, Eternia was doubtlessly ambitious, but perhaps too much so. With the older Castle Grayskull playset, you could throw that thing off the roof and it’d still work the same. Eternia was more of a house of cards, even if some of those cards were demonic spires, and the joker was Blue Simba. Sneeze at this playset, and you’d be left with 400 mini playsets.

Course, what may have been flaws in 1986 are big huge plusses in 2016. As a display piece, Eternia is one of the best toys of the ‘80s, and also the one that doubles best if I want my action figures to solve crimes at the spooky theme park.

Boxed specimens now sell for over two thousand bucks, so if you know anyone who has one, beg for money. Read More…

Time to break out the super old cookbooks again!

As longtime readers know, I never let a holiday season slip by without trying out some old and iffy recipes. These are typically plucked from the pages of ‘60s and ‘70s cookbooks, back when chicken drumsticks looked like Flintstones food, and every other meal involved some kind of gelatin.

Below are five more dishes that I’m classifying as “holiday appetizers,” even if Better Homes & Gardens didn’t. If you’re not interested in recipes for tomato-pineapple juice, come back tomorrow for something else. This is how I celebrate Christmas, so this one’s just for me!

These little heart attacks are deliciously decadent. You take one of those refrigerated biscuit can/tube things, cut each biscuit into fourths, and then slather ‘em with a mixture of melted butter and blue cheese. Toss those messes into a 400 degree oven for 8-10 minutes, and out comes an army of oily-salty-cheesy puffs.

The official directions more or less instruct you to drown the biscuits in butter and cheese, but I’d suggest a more modest brushing. Go way heavier on the butter than the blue cheese, because melted blue cheese is basically liquid salt, and using too much of that will render even these heavenly baby biscuits inedible.

SCORE: 8 out of 10. Would make again, would eat again. Read More…