Dinosaur Dracula!

Classic Christmas Commercials, Volume 5!

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Welcome to what could be this year’s last batch of Classic Christmas Commercials, donated by our pal Larry. Tonight, you’ll see everything from a super capitalistic Santa to a giant apple pitching cheap underwear. Are you excited?

Call Santa’s Hotline!
(1987)

I’ve seen at least a dozen “Santa hotline” commercials, where various entrepreneurs preyed on every kid’s desire to form a special bond with the big man.

This one is particularly low-key, but I do enjoy the notion that Santa lives in front of a giant purple backdrop. While the voice-over lady clarified that you’d only hear a prerecorded message, you’ll notice that the action implies a live conversation with Santa Claus. (That never happened. At best, Santa would ask for Christmas lists, and then fall silent for a paid minute while clueless kids shouted about dolls and video games.)

In this case, you’d call to hear a special Christmas story from Santa. In the commercial, our hero hangs up after only 25 seconds, as if that was legitimately how long the stories took tell. “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose, yadda yadda yadda, he went down in history.” Read More…

Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch Cereal!

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I know everyone’s giddy over the return of French Toast Crunch, but don’t forget about this one!

Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is the second of General Mills’s two new holiday-themed cereals. I covered Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp a few weeks ago, and as great as it was, I think this stuff is even better.

Christmas decorations are my warm blanket, and this box hits so many of the best bullets. The icy background and oddly horizontal stocking are great, but I’m especially loving those old school “big bulbs.” The ones that you weren’t supposed to use inside, but did, because Christmas trees wearing those kinds of bulbs matched your living room’s illumination to that of a smoky cocktail bar. Read More…

I have crazy love for Santa Robot.

I’ve never been happier, and it’s all because of Santa Robot.

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I don’t know who was responsible for Santa Robot, nor do I have any hard evidence of when he’s from. (Though given the similarities to Tomy’s old battery-operated robots, it’s a safe bet that Santa Robot is from the mid ‘80s.)

You’ll notice the crude “$2” scribbled on the box. For the record, I didn’t pay that. I paid far more than that, actually. I paid a price so hefty that if the end result was anything BUT Santa Robot, I’d feel so ashamed. Read More…