Dinosaur Dracula!

John Cena’s Fruity Pebbles.

This is a wrestling post. If you’re not interested in wrestling, it’s also a cereal post. If you’re not interested in wrestling or cereal, well, I’m pretty zooted, and this could end up becoming a play-by-play of Roald Amundsen’s 1903 search for the Northwest Passage. Or maybe a tribute to my favorite shape, the enneadecagon. Stick around!

Current WWE champion John Cena has been immortalized on boxes on Fruity Pebbles cereal, forming an unholy alliance with Bamm-Bamm Rubble. Rising through the tag team ranks, their formula is simple but effective. John brings the strength, and Bamm-Bamm brings a hypnotic spoon that lulls their opponents into a waking sleep.

It’s no big deal to us, but trust me, when today’s youth waxes nostalgic on the Dinosaur Draculas of tomorrow, they will be posting about John Cena’s Fruity Pebbles. They will never forget this box, or the strange events that led to its creation.  Read More…

Virtual Saturday Morning.

It’s Saturday morning! Your favorite part of the week!

You wake up bright and early. Earlier than everyone else in the house, that’s for sure.

The skies are cloudy and there isn’t a peep in the whole neighborhood. You wish it would stay like this forever. Just picture it! An endless Saturday morning, where the only thing to do is nothing at all.

PS: Do you seriously still sleep with a Glo Worm? Your secret is safe with me.

Since everyone else is still snoring, you make yourself breakfast. You’re not a good cook, but you don’t know that.

Countless movies have made you cherish the “bacon and eggs face.” Yours seems pretty upset about something. Maybe he thinks it’s Sunday. Read More…

I made you lunch.

Guys, I made you lunch. You better eat it. It’s a sin to waste food.

See that? It’s a Kraft “Singlestamp” cheese cutter, with a Cheesasaurus Rex theme. If you’ll recall, Cheesasaurus Rex was Kraft’s beloved Macaroni & Cheese mascot back in the ‘90s. He was big, he was orange and he was very possibly made of cheese.

I hope you loved him. Your reaction to what I’ve prepared for you completely depends on it. Read More…

Back to the Future Part II’s Antique Shop!

Back to the Future Part II might just be my favorite of the trilogy. If nothing else, it was the ballsiest of the three. A movie so bizarre and so unbridledly over-the-top that it could’ve very easily been laughed at for all the wrong reasons. I’ve seen the movie a million times, but was only recently struck by how strange it is. Between the holographic Jaws, the futuristic pizza and some pretty suspect ideas about how to make actors look different with makeup, the movie’s strength of spirit somehow made everything weird about it work.

Very high on my list of favorite moments is that quick shot of Marty McFly window shopping at 2015’s antique shop, Blast from the Past. It was a nice gag in 1989, but the passage of time has made it all the sweeter.

(Click here for a closer look!)

If you’ll recall, Blast from the Past is where Marty picked up the dreaded sports almanac. In effect, there wouldn’t have been much of a movie without this antique shop there to mess things up.

The joke was that the “antiques” of 2015 were mostly things that audiences knew as current. Over twenty years later, and now they’re antiques for real. Most of the crud behind that glass is being gobbled up on eBay at this precise moment.

Much to our chagrin, Marty only stands there for a few seconds. This is what I call an “always-pause moment.” You know the type. You do it during key shots of the “senate scene” from The Phantom Menace. You do it when Paul Reubens puts on the “headlight glasses” in Pee-wee ‘s Big Adventure. This is another of those movie moments that can never be fully appreciated in real-time. Thank God for pause buttons.

Below: A breakdown of Blast from the Past’s best junk! Read More…