Dino Drac’s Advent Calendar: 12/6/12.
Today’s gifts include a flashlight and a pair of walkie-talkies. Hoookay.
They’re junky presents, and Dino Drac isn’t shy about telling me so. “How am I supposed to make your stupid feature successful with this kind of stuff?”
Hell, I don’t have the answers. I don’t choose the gifts. I just know that there are real honest-to-God DINOSAURS hiding in some of those boxes, and, let’s face it, everything is filler until we start seeing them.
I tell Dino Drac to “wing it.” He flaps his arms like a bird. I don’t think he’s trying to be a dick, though. Dinosaurs have horrible vocabularies, and it’s unreasonable to expect mine to know the multiple meanings of “wing.”
Finally, he gets the message. He’ll try to entertain you as best he can. The words below come directly from Dino Drac, and it’s for this reason that I shall present them in a bold red font.
WHAT I NOTICE FIRST IS THAT THIS WALKIE-TALKIE AND FLASHLIGHT HAVE VERY COMPARABLE WEIGHTS. LIKE BROTHERS FROM DIFFERENT MOTHERS. WHAT I NOTICE SECOND IS THAT THE FLASHLIGHT COULD EASILY PASS AS A NOVELTY GOBLET FOR THE GOTHIC SET. I HAVE NOT NOTICED A THIRD THING YET.
It was a good effort, Dinosaur Dracula. You winged like a pro.
BFCDAW #7: How I feel today.
I could blame the four hours of sleep, but it’s more fun to blame you.
Tabasco Bloody Mary Gift Set!
Cheap perfumes, beef logs and s’mores kits. Every December, the cavalcade of crappy gift sets comes back out of hiding, charming the great many of us who refuse to put real work into locating decent Christmas presents.
They’re considered “bad” presents almost by default, no matter what’s in them, or to some degree, what they cost. I’m here to tell you that this is COMPLETELY UNFAIR. Even the worst of the prepackaged gift sets are never boring, and I’d rather get a wicker basket full of cheese or Old Spice than yet another book about something I’ve made a lifelong career of taking no interest in. Bring it on, baby.
In a department store that had a type of gift set for virtually every salable item you could think of, I found this. The official Tabasco Bloody Mary Gift Set, consisting of two tall glasses and a bottle of “mildly seasoned” Tabasco Bloody Mary mix. I draw a blank at explaining how a Tabasco-branded mix could ever be “mild,” but then, I can’t say that I’m really trying.
I loooove Bloody Marys, and if drinking them didn’t instantly turn me into a balloon, I’d down three of them every day. At $14, this was an easy sell. Read More…
Dino Drac’s Advent Calendar: 12/5/12.
Dino Drac knew that Playmobil wouldn’t top yesterday’s motorcycle so soon, but a pair of ceratopsian lunchboxes is pretty damn cool.
They’re made from a resilient tin – the kind that keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold. “That’s probably why they gave me two of them,” Dino Drac figures. He’s a bit miffed about being a walking advertisement for a lesser suborder, but since those red heads are merely stickers, they should be easy enough to scratch off.
From this angle, we can clearly see that Dino Drac’s upper thighs are his problem areas. He would *kill* me for pointing that out, so if this paragraph isn’t here tomorrow, I came to my senses.
But then, what would I replace it with? Without the thigh gag, this will be way too short of an entry. Maybe I could explore the idea that if you removed Dino Drac’s arms, legs and head, you’d be left with something eerily reminiscent of a southbound alien shuttle.