Dino Drac’s Advent Calendar: 12/14 – 12/15/12.
A tree!
Dino Drac is PISSSSED.
He’s pissed, and it’s all my fault. I made such a fuss about how Playmobil was only going to give us good gifts for the rest of December. Now we got a tree, and it’s not even a WHOLE tree. It’s really just a branch. Today’s gift is a BRANCH.
Now me? I like it just fine. It looks like a palm tree, and I’ll never not like something that looks like a palm tree. All the same, I understand Dino Drac’s frustration. From motorcycle to velociraptor to tree. Even for an outsider, it would be pretty easy to look at this sequence and know where to stick the “shit balloon” sound effect.
“You promised me amnesty!” I don’t know why Dino Drac is suddenly quoting one of Count Dooku’s cut scenes. I take it to mean that he’s upset about the tree.
I know this is bad form, but I can’t go to bed knowing that he’s miserable. I tell him to go ahead and open tomorrow’s gift early.
“Really? But won’t the world blow up if I do that?”
I tell him to stop believing in stupid urban legends. Between Bloody Mary and the idea that Earth with explode if someone opens Playmobil gifts prematurely, it’s like I’m living with a bad Lili Taylor character from a bad Lili Taylor movie. Read More…
BFCDAW #12: Karen and Shirley.
Here’s Karen Carpenter and Shirley Manson, singing a duet at an outdoor Christmas concert.
Explanation: For the past week, I’ve spent my entire commuting hours listening to nothing but The Carpenters’ Christmas album and a Garbage greatest hits compilation.
Garbage broke big when I was in high school, and I still listen to them constantly. The Carpenters thing was really a byproduct of my Christmas obsession, because nobody – NO BO DY – has ever rocked those old carols quite like Karen Carpenter.
So, here they are, impossibly together. I am very fond of this concept.
Dino Drac’s Advent Calendar: 12/13/12.
A gecko!
I like him. He’s tiny, he’s drowsy, and he looks a lot like a baby alligator. (Despite this, I am sure that he’s a gecko. I’ve never been more sure of anything.)
His arrival was not without drama. Dino Drac assumed the gecko to be food, and was salivating like a big gross monster. Thinking fast, I lied about it actually being a newborn velociraptor. Since it wears the same colors as the one we got on Tuesday, Dino Drac bought it.
Now I just need to teach him to be gentler with the thing. He’s one hug away from making that gecko explode. I started writing a gecko care guide, culling information from websites filled with funny lizard GIFs. Then I got distracted by Play-Doh.
My winter wonderland isn’t amazing, but it’s not my fault. I had none of the good Christmas colors. There was no white Play-Doh, and the Play-Doh that came closest to red was still too orange to ever pass an official red test.
The black rocks represent Santa’s coal. The purple thing on the far left is…well, I don’t know. I guess it’s one of Delia’s sculptures from Beetlejuice. Not very Christmassy, but when your available Play-Doh colors force you to make a green snowman, there are only so many ways you can praise Jesus.
Oh, great. Now the gecko is missing.
1995 Christmas Crunch with HOLIDAY FROSTING.
You might think that I’ve exhausted the well of Christmas Crunch posts, but nuh uh. I may have written about that cereal fifty times, but I never told you about the time it came with cake frosting.
This super special version of Christmas Crunch came out in 1995, and if not for Coolio, would have been the pop sensation of its year. This was by far the strangest of the many Christmas Crunch variations, but I mean that in the best ways possible.
Before we get to the meat (meat = frosting), let us bow in unison to this box design, bold in its blues and heavy on everything holy. It’s just so right. From Santa Crunch’s understated appearance to the shiny silver snowflakes, it’s a box that begs for stares and GETS them.
I probably would’ve written about this even without the frosting thing. The box art alone really is that good. Such a successful departure from the red-and-green norm. Plus, for some reason, the font they used for “Christmas Crunch” makes me want to ride a train.
I could go on, but I know how you are. You see Cap’n Crunch holding a mysterious packet of frosting, and you want to skip ahead. Can’t say I blame you, even if you are a heartless and impatient ass. Read More…