Dino Drac’s Advent Calendar: 12/12/12.
Let’s get something straight. This isn’t just some random patch of grass covered in weeds and flowers.
It’s a miniature golf course.
Granted, it’s a miniature golf course with only one hole, and it comes with no clubs or balls. So what? It’s only December 12th. There are still plenty of days left to complete the set.
“You’re fudging.”
What? I’m what?
“You’re fudging. I’m not an idiot. This has nothing to do with golf. It’s just plants.”
Dino Drac thinks he caught me in a lie. In my view, that would be more of a “fib” than a “fudge.”
I ask him to explain the hole, then.
“My feet have holes! They mean nothing! These are just plants!”
Dino Drac is just moaning because this gift isn’t as cool as yesterday’s raptor. He’ll come around. And if he doesn’t? Who cares, I’m on my way to see Burt Reynolds.
Okay, I’m not. Actually, I’m on my way to sit in bed with an entire bag of frozen raspberries. I will lay there and eat them and stare at the clock, all the while wondering if frozen raspberries are worth getting five hours of sleep instead of six.
(They so are.)
BFCDAW #11: Good looking cookies.
Today is busy. I’m only BCFDAW’ing because I need to push that eel sushi off of the main page as soon as possible.
There. Much better. A palatable set of Christmas cookies, purchased for WAY TOO MUCH MONEY from one of those design-your-own-salad places. ($9 for two cookies, and no, I wouldn’t have bought them had I learned that sooner. By the time I found out, I had a line of twenty angry salad people behind me. To ditch the cookies at that point would have set off a trail of sighs that even now, two hours later, would still rage on.
I’m especially fond of the Christmas tree cookie. It has icing garland in the shape of the imaginary word “lelele.” The details were all but lost to the one-two punch of my shitty Android camera and iPhoto’s irresistible filters, but in person, this cookie is a jolly jolt to every sense.
If judging by comparison, Santa is pretty boring. At least until you notice the fangs hiding in his beard – as if this Santa is really a monster, waiting for the right moment to out himself and eat a foot.
We decided to turn these cookies into office Christmas decorations. They’re now standing partially upright, using a couple of DVD spindles for balance.
Yeah, I’m too busy to make this funny. Pretend there are jokes.
Dino Drac’s Advent Calendar: 12/11/12.
A raptor. (!!!)
Just like the ones from Jurassic Park. But so much more orange.
Dino Drac is pleased, but he hesitates to really let loose.
“I’m just worried that this isn’t a real raptor. I don’t want to start screaming about raptors if people are going to tell us that it’s some other dinosaur.”
Oh, Dino Drac. Let’s squash those fears by pasting many words from Bob Strauss of About.com:
“Technically, paleontologists define raptors (or dromaeosaurs) as theropod dinosaurs that share certain obscure anatomical characteristics. For our purposes, though, raptors can be broadly described as small- to medium-sized, bipedal, carnivorous dinosaurs equipped with grasping, three-fingered hands, relatively big brains, and (most distinctively) huge, solitary claws on each of their hind feet, which they probably used to slash and occasionally disembowel their prey.”
I see NOTHING in that definition that doesn’t describe your new dinosaur.
Buddy, you got a raptor.
Too excited to speak, Dino Drac instead steals my notebook and crayons.
But I can dream, and in my dreams, I’m…freeing orange raptors with youuuu.
BFCDAW #10: The Christmas Sushi Roll.
There’s a new feature up, listing ten strange and wonderful things I want from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. (Including Aunt Bethany’s cat food Jell-O. Yes.)
For today’s BCFDAW, I’d like to introduce you to the “Christmas roll.”
Several of New York’s sushi joints are offering special “Christmas rolls” for the holidays. No two are alike. The one shown above is entirely different from the Christmas roll I ordered back in 2004, and in a word, it’s INTENSE.
It’s from a restaurant called Fuji Rising Dragon. I pray I will encounter more things with names that awesome.
Here’s how Fuji (Fuji RISING DRAGON!) describes the roll, verbatim:
Spicy tuna with tuna, salmon, yellowtail, eel and avocado with tobiko eel sauce.
In other words, I bought this for photographical use only — not so I could eat it.
I love sushi, I really do. But I’m also a big baby when it comes to it. Not to the level of only eating California rolls, but certainly to the level of pissing myself at the mere THOUGHT of “eel sauce.” I can think of a hundred ways to get sauce from eels, and none are pleasant.
EDIT: Okay, so as several of you have pointed out, “eel sauce” doesn’t exactly mean “sauce made from eels.” It’s more like a sauce you put ON eels. I don’t care. It’s still gross. I will defend to my dying day the right to believe that eel sauce is gross. Read More…