BFCDAW #3: Snobot.
Holiday Hodgepodge #2!
HEY: There’s a new feature up, highlighting fifteen treasures from the 1998 Sears Wish Book!
Another busy week lies ahead, but if the rumors are true, Dino Drac should be kicking the holidays into high gear by the end of it. I hope so, bruddah. You complete me.
Here’s another attempt to make up for lost time by cramming as much Christmas shit as possible into one entry. I have a feeling that I’ll be doing this a few more times between now and THE BIG DAY, so let’s go ahead and make that “Holiday Hodgepodge” title an officially recurring thing. Picture me pushing the button that makes it so.
This is Holiday Hodgepodge #2! The one with the red and green fish! I didn’t realize it while taking the photos, but everything here could be construed as “stocking stuffers.” If you’re slated to fill a giant sock by Christmas morning, keep these baubles in mind.
#1: Pepperidge Farm Holiday Goldfish.
Neither red and green “Holiday Goldfish” nor Pepperidge Farm’s adorable mini-cartons are new for 2012, but I think this is the first time they’ve ever been paired together. The results are outstanding, and the jury that is collectively me will never again accept a Christmas stocking that doesn’t include a tiny carton of red and green Goldfish.
Check out the fishy mascot on the carton’s side. He’s really proud of that hat. I’d be prouder of trailing a psychedelic rainbow of neon paint wherever I swam. The hat’s pretty tame compared to that. Read More…
Holiday Hodgepodge!
It’s 10:55. If I don’t want to be a raving lunatic tomorrow, I have exactly one hour to get this post written, edited and published. Gonna have to rush. I’ll do my breast to avoid mistakes.
In tonight’s Holiday Hodgepodge: Five Christmassy things, just in time for Thanksgiving!
#1: Santa Brownies.
I haven’t paid much attention to Little Debbie over the years, but now that Hostess is dead, I guess I’ll need to. It’s a good year to start, because holy Moses, LOOK at these! They’re called Santa Brownies, and they are exactly that. Diamond-shaped brownies, determined to look as much like Santa Clauses as diamond-shaped brownies possibly can.
All of Little Debbie’s Christmas snacks are pleasing to look at, but these Santa things take the cake and turn it into brownies. What really sells them are the stamped-in facial features. Look at those little eyes! And the crooked eyeglasses! I’ve always been a little iffy about Santa Claus, but this is a Santa that I can get behind. There is no mistaking that face for something unfriendly.
I love how the mouth conveys such a sense of confession. With just the right curve, it says so much. “I’m sorry, I know this is all a little ridiculous, but I hope you’ll let it slide, because man, I am adorb.” Santa’s a big fan of run-on sentences. Freeeeak.
EDIT: Many have taken Santa’s “mouth” to be a nose. I concede that this is possible. Maybe even probable. But I like it better as a mouth, so we’re sticking with that. Read More…
Christmas Crunch is back!
Before I gush about cereal, a quick note.
I’m on a gig right now, which started small but has grown into something unfathomably huge. In many ways, that is good, but it hasn’t left me with much time to write about nonsense on the Internet. I originally thought we’d be wrapping in December, and we still might, but it may turn out to be December 2018.
So, this will likely be a “lite” Christmas season on Dino Drac. We’ll see how it goes. If push comes to shove, I can just start wearing old Ben Cooper costumes to work until someone fires me.
PS: Yes, I heard about Hostess. We’ll talk about that another day. I already promised this one to Cap’n Crunch.
Christmas Crunch is back! It’s amazing that Quaker still hasn’t succumbed to social pressure and renamed it “Holiday Crunch,” and I’m certain that the only thing keeping them from it is the incredible alliteration in the original title. “Christmas Crunch.” Two c-words that can be spoken aloud as dramatic k-words. If you have a brain, you don’t mess with that.
This year’s box design isn’t a knockout, but it ain’t half bad, either.
Some people believe that “Christmas red” is an umbrella title for several different shades of red, BUT NO, “Christmas red” really refers to one specific type of red. And this box is THAT RED. A sweet spot between brick, vermillion and cranberry. Kudos, mon capitan. You did chicken right.
Love Cap’n Crunch’s casual “yup yup me again” pose at the top of the box, too.
Regrettably, I’m not as fond of the artist’s decision to draw the innards of Cap’n Crunch’s mouth. In this case, I’d prefer that Cap’n Crunch adhere to the standard cartoon rule of having nothing in there but a big black hole.
Ending on a positive, there’s also a gift box filled with nothing but cereal, addressed to someone named “Holiday Shapes.” Truly the start-point for a great novel. Don’t any of you NaNoWriMo fuckers take my idea.
Cap’n Crunch alleges that his Crunchberries come in “four shapes.” True, there may be four shapes, but you can only decipher two of them. The trees and the stars look as they should, but to call the other shapes “snowmen” and “winter hats” goes straight past “a stretch” and into “untruth punishable by law” territory.
But I forgive Cap’n Crunch, because I never got so many Crunchberries in a single box of cereal before. Good God, if judging by sheer mass, the Crunch-to-Crunchberries ratio is pretty close to 1:1. A Christmas miracle, right in my severely chipped cereal bowl. Read More…