I remember every theatrical experience I’ve ever had. I think most people do, right?

I’m not necessarily saying that we’re capable of listing every single movie we’ve seen in theaters, but if someone brings up a particular film and you did see it in theaters, you probably remember it.

I know I do. I remember the movies, obviously, but also where I saw them and who I was with. Often enough, I remember the “unimportant” details better than the films themselves. For instance, I saw Princes of Thieves in theaters, but literally all I could tell you about that flick is that I spent half of it having a popcorn fight with my friend Jonathan.

Below are four films I saw in theaters, and the memories of those experiences. This may turn into an ongoing series, if there seems to be any market for articles about what one guy remembers about the soda from long-closed multiplexes.

Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie
(August 1987, Age 8)

I’d caught the flu and was incapacitated for several days, because that’s how kids like me rolled during summer vacation.

After our family doc confirmed that I was well enough to rejoin the living, my mother took me to the movies. I guess that was my prize for surviving the flu? This was an early weekday afternoon, so the theater was almost totally empty.

I have no idea why I picked Garbage Pail Kids. The stickers had already fallen out of favor with my friends, who’d bought into the urban legend that they were “bad luck.” I did, too, and had a wall full of scratched-off demon baby stickers to prove it.

Still, it was hard not to be a little curious about live action Garbage Pail Kids. Surprisingly, we weren’t the only people in the theater. We were the first ones to leave, though, after roughly 15 minutes.

Even at that age, the target age, I was completely grossed out. I get that being “grossed out” was kind of the point, but this was different. I felt my organs blacken at the mere exposure to this movie. Watching it was like drinking from a puddle at the filthiest street corner.

I sunk lower and lower into my chair, until Ali Gator — a Garbage Pail Kid who was half-alligator, you see — casually ate a severed finger. At that point, it was time. I asked my mother if we could leave, and to the shock of no one, she had zero problems with that. Read More…

Posted by Matt on 03/11/20
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Maniac Cop 2 is a wonderful horror movie that improves upon the original in every way.

At least, that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve never actually seen the whole thing, despite listening to the Maniac Cop Rap several times each week. I did watch the first 15 minutes, though, thanks to a tip from my pal Sammy Hain.

See, early in the film, there’s a scene set within a street corner deli. If you inspect that scene closely, you’ll spot all sorts of awesome junk foods from 1990:

The scene establishes Maniac Cop as a… well, maniac cop, who stops an armed robbery only to kill the clerk himself. It’s a tense sequence that doesn’t exactly beg you to keep an eye out for old Kool-Aid, but that’s exactly what I did.

I don’t know if the filmmakers rented an actual deli or just fabricated one, but since the place gets totally trashed, it’s probably the latter. In any case, it certainly looks like a legit 1990 street corner deli. A really good one, too, complete with Joe Camel signage and an Operation Wolf arcade cabinet.

None of us have been inside that store, but every single one of us has been inside that store. You know what I mean.

There are many recognizable foods on the shelves, but they’re for the most part things that we can still obtain today, in nearly identical packaging. I did manage to pluck out a few items that were worth pausing for, though. If you were looking for extra reasons to champion Maniac Cop 2, below are five of them: Read More…

Posted by Matt on 03/05/20
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If someone who’d never previously seen Dick Tracy watched it right this second, I wonder what they’d think. Even if they liked it, could they possibly get why people like me are still so obsessed with it? Without the experience of being “of age” during the summer of 1990, I’m not so sure.

What might’ve been “just another movie” became so much more, thanks to Disney’s stubborn attempt to turn Dick Tracy into that year’s Batman. To be clear, the film was successful, but in terms of cultural impact, it was no Batman.

On the other hand, the blitz surrounding the movie was enormous, and if you were a kid looking for a new obsession, Dick Tracy was a goldmine. The film scored everything from an action figure line to a McDonald’s promotion to a goddamned stage show at Disney World. For me, it wasn’t just “as big” as Batman. It was even bigger!

Jay from The Sexy Armpit is just as much of a Dick Tracy fan, and that’s why we finally decided to pay tribute to this glorious movie — and all that came with it — on the Purple Stuff Podcast.

It’s a special 90-minute episode covering not just the film, but all of those sweet toys and fast food promotions. (Hell, we even do a “live scratching” of those old McDonald’s Crimestopper game tickets!)

Click here to listen to this week’s show!

Thanks for your ears, and apologies in advance for my embarrassing story. As a reminder, the Purple Stuff Podcast is also on Patreon, where you can grab an extra bonus show every month. (We’ll be posting February’s shortly — it’s all about the hottest arrivals from this year’s Toy Fair event.)

Enjoy! Here are some pics and media associated with the new episode: Read More…

Posted by Matt on 02/28/20
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