Classic Creepy Commercials, Volume 24!
Get set for the 24th edition of Classic Creepy Commercials, where I rescue ads from wheezing VHS tapes and willfully ignore the too-scratchy audio.
This is the third volume posted during the 2019 Halloween Countdown, which is pretty nuts considering that I wasn’t sure I’d even find enough ads for one volume. If you missed the previous two, they’re here and here.
Creep Phone, Starring YOU! (1988)
Using footage from 1986’s Troll was so brilliant. The target demo for this hotline probably never saw that movie, so kids might’ve taken it as custom footage, which made Creep Phone seem like a much bigger production than it was.
The notable thing about this particular Creep Phone commercial was the pitch for YOU to lend YOUR voice to a future Creep Phone recording. I’m guessing that was a scam and a half. You likely had to wait for the entire Creep Phone message to complete to get to their answering machine, and then call back another ten times to see if the lousy monsters actually used your recording.
And you would’ve, too. Picture it! Millions of people hearing YOU say “grrr I’m gonna eat your foot” in a prepubescent Dracula voice. Read More…
New Universal Monsters Bend-Ems Figures!
Well, here’s one of the biggest surprises of the 2019 Halloween season: Walgreens is now selling Universal Monsters Bend-Ems figures!
Beautiful, aren’t they? The set includes Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolfman and the Creature from the Black Lagoon, all wearing expressions that do little to betray their murderous intents.
My friend Dan Nations told me about the figures on Monday, and I responded by hitting six different Walgreens stores before midnight. None of them carried the monsters, and none of the employees had even heard of them. Unless they were lying, just for kicks.
They’re so new that most stores haven’t received them as of this writing, which has inspired eBayers to try selling the figures for four times their retail price. Be patient, if you can stand it. They’re not gonna stay rare for long.
(Fortunately, Dan offered to sell me a set at cost. Thanks, Dan! I wouldn’t get to spend Thursday night writing about bendable ghouls if not for you.) Read More…
Pumpkin Spice SPAM Review!
If you missed the news, Pumpkin Spice Spam is a real thing that really exists. It went on sale this past Monday, and sold out in mere hours — partially thanks to the many resellers who are now trying to flip goddamned SPAM on eBay.
I set an alarm to make sure I wouldn’t miss it, and now I’m armed with enough Pumpkin Spice Spam to survive three weeks in a fallout shelter.
When this stuff was announced back in August, I’d like to think I was a voice of reason. Some people have a negative Pavlovian response to pumpkin spice foods, because there sure have been some weird ones, and on its face, pumpkin spice MEAT definitely sounds weird.
I knew better. There are plenty of pork dishes that call for the same spices, and Spam is, after all, pork in Play-Doh form. I wasn’t surprised to find out that Pumpkin Spice Spam is legitimately good. If you’ve ever had, say, apple sausage, the flavor profile is in that vein. It’s Spam with a dash of nutmeg and a hint of cinnamon. If you can imagine the salty meat version of pumpkin pie mix, this is basically that. Read More…
Purple Stuff: Spooky Songs Part VI!
It’s that time of year again! The Purple Stuff Podcast is back with the sixth edition of Spooky Songs. It’s probably our favorite type of show to record!
If you weren’t around for the last five editions, this is where we select tracks that y’all need to add to your Halloween playlists. Since we’re now up to the sixth volume, the episode is stuffed with seriously deep cuts. In fact, some cuts are so deep that we’ll need to hire lawyers to convince you that they’re spooky.
For the 2019 edition of Spooky Songs, me and Jay from The Sexy Armpit are ready to sell you on ten more terrifying tracks. The episode runs nearly 75 minutes, so like, make a cup of coffee or something.
Click here to listen to this week’s show!
As a reminder, the Purple Stuff Podcast is also on Patreon, where you can gain access to exclusive bonus shows every month. (September’s will be dropping in a few days, because we like to live life to the wire.)
Below are some spoiler pics for our song choices in this ep: Read More…