The 1990s Windows Mystery Screensaver!
Back in the late ‘90s, I bought my first computer. It was hardly the first computer that I’d messed around on, but it was the first one that was all mine.
I customized the shit out of it. By the time I was through, I don’t think there was a single default sound still in play. I can still hear the Undertaker’s gongs alerting me to new arrivals on my AOL Buddy List. (I hated how the audio dropped out before the reverberations completed.)
Naturally, I chose my own screensaver. Many were auditioned, but in the end, I always came back to the Mystery Screensaver.
As I recall, the screensaver was part of a theme set for Windows 98. I’m not 100% sure that it hadn’t debuted prior to Windows 98, but that’s where I met it, and judging by what I see online, that’s where almost everyone else met it, too.
It’s my all-time favorite screensaver. You guys can keep your Doom mazes and waterpark pipes. On its face, this was a simple animated mansion with enough spooky elements to create a haunted ambiance. Upon deeper reflection, it was a world of wonder that let you write whole novels in your head.
Beginning with a burst of pipe organs that sounded like the bark of a Jersey shore dark ride, the screensaver would then fall mostly-silent, save for the occasional creaking door or solicitous owl. There were enough noises to make listening a part of the fun, but those noises were still scattered enough to make each one hit you like a jump scare.
The mansion might not have seemed so creepy if it wasn’t situated in the middle of some gothic wooded hell, full of dead trees, fallen leaves, busy bats and pale moonlight. If you remove the house, I’m pretty sure this was where Jade and Smoke played peekaboo in Mortal Kombat II. Read More…
Treasures from the Halloween 4 Pharmacy!
So, here’s something weird. I love Halloween 4 to death, yet the film doesn’t even crack my top 3 from that franchise. I’ve never considered myself nearly the Myers nut that so many of my friends are, but here I am, sweating over whether Halloween 4 beats Halloween H20 or not.
Halloween 4 premiered in 1988, when I was finally old enough to at least be aware of which horror movies were in theaters… even if I rarely had the nerve to actually see them. In a sense, Halloween 4 was “my” Halloween movie — the first one that was still-current when I started paying attention.
I saw it years later, when I was something approximating an adult. I loved the film for many reasons, but this was the biggest: Of all the movies in this franchise, Halloween 4 simply looks the most like the Octobers of my childhood.
This was best exemplified by the drug store sequence. It’s a pretty important scene, where Michael finds his mask and threatens poor little Jamie, all while seventeen subplots converge in the background. If you need a refresher, the whole scene is on YouTube.
“Vincent Drug” was the store, and the filmmakers did such a great job of capturing the spirit a mom-and-pop pharmacy during the Halloween season. Like holy shit, I feel like I’ve BEEN to Vincent Drug. Like I’ve MET Vincent Drug. Like Vincent Drug is a person and not a store, which works nicely considering the name.
Much like the mom-and-pop pharmacies that I grew up near, Vincent Drug spent October littered with Halloween costumes and decorations. Big chain pharmacies went all-in for Halloween too, of course, but they had nothing on the mom-and-pop versions, where the wares were more ragtag and very often fifteen years old.
The longer I studied Vincent Drug, the more I realized that my feelings of familiarity weren’t limited to mere themes. I literally OWNED many of the things in that store, or at least saw them in person.
Below are six real-world spooky treasures hiding inside Vincent Drug: Read More…
Dino Drac’s 2018 Halloween Countdown HAS BEGUN!
There was this guy, Francis Bacon. English philosopher during the tail-end of the 1500s. I don’t know much about Mr. Bacon, but he had one really great quote:
“In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.”
Welcome to Dinosaur Dracula’s 2018 Halloween Countdown.
WATCH IN HD ON YOUTUBE! (GORY!)
As has become custom, I’m kicking things off with a way-gory music video. Watch it above, or on YouTube. (And I mean watch it 10 times. Boost my cred.)
Guys, this is it. Our time of year. Our special time when happiness, however fleeting, is just a trip to Target or Starbucks away. People like you and me settle for “surviving” through most of the year. Now we actually get to live.
I used to kick off these Countdowns with half-apologies for starting so early. Not really seeing the need, this year. I feel like most people started celebrating Halloween a month ago, even if only in a kinda/sorta way.
And sure, there will be always be those in the cracks and crevices who call us wicked for doodling skeletons in late August. Pay them no mind. The world is complicated, hard, aggravating and unfair, and if looking at $5 gorilla masks in Rite-Aid helps us forget that for a minute, well, good for us.
In arguably-related news, I put on zombie makeup and reviewed a giant frog:
Madd Matt has returned as part of the 2018 Halloween Countdown. With him are five spooky and/or peculiar items that he can’t wait to gush about. Watch the video above, or in scary-ass huge form on YouTube.
More videos to come, both in and out of the makeup!
If you’re more into reading than watching, FINE, I just published a big new article, too.
Remember the drug store scene from Halloween 4? That place was loaded with real-world Halloween bric-a-brac from the ‘80s. Let’s take a closer look at the scene, and see what we can identify!
I don’t want to sit here throwing thousands of extra words in your faces. By now, I think you know the drill. Dino Drac will be updated as often as possible between now and Halloween, with a mix of articles, videos and at least one sketchy recipe. I’d like to avoid making promises about precise update frequency, but given that I now have over sixty days to work with, I think it’s reasonable to expect a fuckton of stuff.
…still, I would like to take this time to remind everyone exactly why this is such a magical time of year. During the Halloween season, anything and everything can be an adventure. Halloween turns the mundane into the marvelous. (Believe it or not, that actually wasn’t another Francis Bacon quote.)
Everything from channel surfing to grocery shopping becomes so much more during the Halloween season. Your usual BS errands take on an air of wonder. Trips to department stores feel like Disney vacations. Late night movies feel like video game power-ups.
Even the simplest things become major joys during this season. If you’ve never understood the Halloween obsession that so many people around you share, that’s the real reason. It’s a chance to live big when you’re living small.
I hope to illustrate that point ten thousand times between now and October 31st. Thank you for being a part of Dino Drac’s 2018 Halloween Countdown — my sixteenth consecutive year!
Oh, and after you check out the new stuff, drop by Dino Drac After Dark. It’s the site’s halfway-hidden midnight clubhouse, where people watch bad movies and talk about what they had for lunch. Dino Drac After Dark will be updated every night throughout the season!
There’s so much more to come. Some pretty big things, too. Stay tuned, guys. We’re in this together. Let’s make it count…. Dracula.
Purple Stuff: Spooky Songs Part V!
Ask and you shall receive! Well, not usually, but this time. If you’ve been hankerin’ for a new Purple Stuff, we’re finally ready to deliver:
Yes indeed, we’re kicking off the 2018 Halloween season with our fifth installment of SPOOKY SONGS. This week, me and Jay from The Sexy Armpit select twelve more haunting tracks that should give your Halloween playlist a boost.
There are some *really* deep cuts in this one, including a few songs that arguably aren’t Halloweeny at all. Hey, we’re five rounds deep into this series — it was time to get creative!
Give us a listen by clicking here!
The show is also on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else it should be. (In fact, if you’d be so kind as to review the show on iTunes, we hear it helps!) Read More…