Even as Dinosaur Dracula was still under construction, I knew I’d run into issues balancing my professional life with the site. I hoped it wouldn’t happen ten minutes after launching, but it wasn’t a huge surprise when it did.
I vowed to incorporate my workday into Dino Drac’s content. Had grand visions of spending my lunch hour scouring the streets of New York for interesting things to take photos of and write about, because surely, there are plenty of interesting things in New York to take photos of and write about.
Problem is, I don’t really get a “lunch hour.” I don’t know many people who do. And, frankly, it’s going to take a special set of circumstances or some really good pills to persuade me to spend those rare moments of calm running up and down 34th Street, looking for guys in giant hamburger costumes to snap pictures of.
But I still think it’s important to “work work” into the site, somehow. Even if it’s in entirely stupid ways. It’s with those feelings that I not-so-proudly present the first entry in my hot new series.
Let’s call it, Bullshit Filler Content Devised At Work.
This is Bullshit Filler Content Devised At Work #1.
It’s about my attempt to squeeze in time for Troll 2 fan art.
It was a good day to try it. I had my own room, so at least in theory, nobody would catch me recreating one of the Troll 2 goblins on a legal pad, using a Sharpie, highlighter and some dry erase board markers.
My inspiration came from this fansite, since they had a great image of my favorite Troll 2 goblin. Not sure what his (her?) name is, but here’s the monster:
Troll 2 is famously bad, but I’ve grown to enjoy it in a completely non-ironic way. It isn’t a horror movie I can watch a thousand times in a row (hi there, Friday the 13th Part 2), but it still has everything I like from these sorts of films: Wacky monsters, great deaths, and errant houseflies entering the frame at the absolute worst times to do so.
The goblin costumes were terrible, but weirdly effective. The fact that they were so chintzy actually made them creepy, and if you watch Troll 2 with the volume muted, I’d almost be willing to claim that it’s a sincerely scary movie. Almost.
Anyway, that guy up there? He’s the greatest. The hair. That slimy slobber. Two completely different eyeballs. If I was going to make goblin fan art with office supplies, this was the goblin to choose.
So, I’m doodling my demon, and here’s the thing.
I’m no pro photographer, but I’ve always prided myself on taking decent pictures for my websites. This means I take a lot of pictures. A real lot. For every photo you see on Dino Drac, there are easily two dozen left on the table.
That’s where I got into trouble. I didn’t want my coworkers to catch me doing this. We’re all friendly, but the relationships start and end with work. Suffice to say, they’d have a collective stroke if they caught me taking pictures of a goblin drawn on a legal pad in one of the back rooms.
So, I’m snapping away, and damn, my phone’s camera is making some awfully loud “snap” noises. No matter how hard I tried to lower the volume, those “snap” noises remained thunderous. Checked every setting I could think of, and eventually figured out how to make every conceivable noisemaking thing on my phone silent…except for the stupid camera.
After ten pictures or so, it was getting risky. That shit was LOUD. My coworkers had to be hearing it. I made one last attempt to turn the volume off, only managing to change the camera’s “classic snap” sound effect to something more akin to a robot having an orgasm.
The short of it is, I’m calling this Bullshit Filler Content Devised At Work, but don’t think for a second that it didn’t take sacrifices.
The final product. Thank God for those dry erase board markers, because a Troll 2 goblin without green slime would be pretty pathetic.
I carefully folded my masterpiece and tucked it into my masculine shoulder bag. As soon as I got home, it went on the fridge.
Now that I’ve thought things through, I’m not sure I want to be reminded of a slimy Troll 2 goblin whenever I’m about to look for food.
And that’s how I came to understand why God invented bulletin boards.
What will be next in this fabulous series? Perhaps a detailed review of the office’s fire escape? Laments about all of those times when they’re down to nothing but “Hazelnut Decaf” Keurig pods? More Troll 2 scribbles?
Count the minutes my friends!
EDIT: In the comments, Casiokid clarified the reason for my plight: “I’m pretty sure I read there was a law that meant you couldn’t silence the camera shutter, to make life difficult for perverts. Sadly, you were collateral damage in this noble war.”
So, on top of drawing a monster, I also learned something new today.