Toys

Okay, we’re a week late on this one, but it was hard to find the “publish” button with all of the lights off. The latest Purple Stuff Podcast is here, and it’s all about things that GLOW IN THE DARK! Yep, from Superman’s Kryptonite Rocks to Dream Glow Barbie, me and Jay from Slud

December is moving way too fast. I should be used to it, since it always does. What is it about this month? Why is December ten minutes long? I can’t slow December down, but I can make the most of what’s left of it. By “make the most” I of course mean thousand-word articles about

Pour some coffee and wrap yourself in a throw blanket, because you’re mine for the next fifteen minutes. Let’s walk through the highlights from JCPenney’s 1987 Christmas catalog. Yeah, I already mined it for another article, but there are like 500 pages in this thing. I’m allowed!

Gosh, I haven’t posted a new edition of Five Random Action Figures since… well, since last year’s Halloween Countdown. I don’t know what my problem is. I have plenty of old toys, and these are easy enough to write. Hopefully this is the start of a brighter future. If not, I’ll se

The holiday season is all about traditions, and one of mine is naming the best toys from old department store catalogs. Let’s head back to 1992, when the 47th and 48th hottest things going were Swans Crossing and 3 Ninjas. Behold, JCPenney’s 1992 Christmas catalog! Over 500 pages’ wo

Hi, I’m Matt, and I collect tapes from old VCR board games. Just the tapes, I mean. I can’t honestly claim that they’re super fun to watch without the game components, but as a kid, I did it all the time. It started with the Clue VCR Mystery Game. My parents received it as a

When I say “Halloween Happy Meal,” your mind drifts to one of two things: Those awesome buckets, or that army of costumed Chicken McNuggets. And hey, I get it! Objectively, those are the best spooky goodies McD’s has ever produced. Doesn’t mean that there aren’t others deserving

It’s been almost a year since the last edition of Five Random Action Figures, and I’ve been flooded with feedback from at least two whole people demanding a new one. You win! Since it’s the Halloween season, this is an all-spooky edition. These figures will haunt your nightmares, or

It’s that time of year again, when I spend a fortune on old toy catalogs just to tear out the pages, all for your benefit. Let’s look at some of the highlights from Montgomery Ward’s 1985 Christmas catalog! I didn’t grow up near any Montgomery Ward stores, but their catalogs were b

Y’all know the scoop by now. To celebrate the Happy Meal’s 40th anniversary, McDonald’s just released A TON of old school Happy Meal toys. I mean a legit ton. Check out their promo vid: People like me had been on McDonald’s case for years, wondering why they weren’t tapping i

We’re now stuck in a weird situation where Halloween feels like it’s already happened, but clearly hasn’t. Pretty much everyone I know did their big celebrating over the weekend, and now we’re kind of puttering toward the finish line. Hey, whatever. We’ve all done plenty these pa

Well, here’s one of the biggest surprises of the 2019 Halloween season: Walgreens is now selling Universal Monsters Bend-Ems figures! Beautiful, aren’t they? The set includes Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolfman and the Creature from the Black Lagoon, all wearing expressions that do litt

If you’ve never heard of Shakin’ Mutants, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, you’re about to hear a whole lot about Shakin’ Mutants. The bad news is also that. Just look at those gorgeous mofos. They’re in ratty condition, but I’d still call ’em some of the

I haven’t published a new edition of Five Random Action Figures since last June, because the remaining bits of my collection are stuffed into storage bins so extremely buried that I’d have to tear this whole place apart to get at ‘em. Luckily, life threw me a bone: As part of our pre

A little over ten years ago, I started collecting old cereal prizes. It was the right time to do it. Even the most humdrum old prize is good for a few bucks these days, but nobody was really paying attention to ‘em back then. I’d win auctions for ten bucks and walk away with piles

It’s basically Christmas even as I write this. The next few days are going to be dead online, but I was determined to get one last holiday-themed article on the site before Santa hightailed it back to the North Pole. Consider this my Christmas gift to you. It’s not wrapped, and that’

My reviews of old toy catalogs are usually one-and-dones, but boy, I could write about this book forever: Behold, the 1987 JCPenney Christmas catalog. I was in my prime “toy years” when this baby hit mailboxes, and there is sooo much shit in these pages that I had, wanted or outright p

Ah, the holiday season — my favorite excuse to blow money on old department store catalogs just so I can scan a few pics of action figures. It’s just what The Waitresses sang about. Let’s look at some highlights from the 1988 JCPenney Christmas catalog. I’ve reviewed other edit

I’ll be honest: I wrote the rest of this article first, and saved the intro for last. Then I forgot to write it. Now I’m five minutes away from my arbitrary publishing deadline, and I have no intro. Words. Aalsalslals. Aososdoso. There, now this looks like a paragraph. Below: Three cer

It’s October of 1993. Mom drives you to Toys “R” Us to find a Halloween costume. Too old for Lamb Chop and too bashful for Aladdin, you settle on a cheap hockey mask and a pair of gnarly werewolf gloves. But here’s the best part: After Mom pays the bill, the cashier hands you a

Here’s an inordinate amount of words about a GoBots figure. I have my reasons! Meet Creepy, one of the evil Renegades. As far as insectoid robot monsters go, he’s aces. Ghoulish purple claws, toxic green paint, and a name that would make me love him even without those things. What make

To keep this edition of Five Random Action Figures on-brand for Cruel Summer, I will only feature figures that have some tangential tie to the season. Enjoy! Mike, The Sewer Surfer! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) This screwball Michelangelo was from a set of TMNT figures that gave our

Guys! I found the perfect subject for Cruel Summer’s first video: That thing. A Talking Cryptkeeper doll from 1993, where our pal is randomly dressed like a beach bum. Dude could be the mascot for Cruel Summer. Here’s everything you need to know about this sunny savage, in just under f

I’ve owned more Happy Meal sets than I can remember, but only a few transcended the novelty of “free toys.” Getting plastic baubles with my McNuggets was always welcome, but on certain occasions, those plastic baubles were my total reasons for being. The Super Mario Bros. 3 Happy Mea

It’s been over four months since the last edition of Five Random Action Figures. Which is disgusting. Let’s fix that. Silver Surfer Marvel Super Heroes (1990) Man, that first wave in Toy Biz’s Marvel Super Heroes line was just phenomenal. I’ve occasionally criticized Toy Biz’s le