Christmas Fallout, 2013.


Christmas was great. One for the ages, really. It must have been, since I ended it by sleeping for thirteen hours straight.

I’m used to feeling a bit down on the 26th, but this year, I think I did the perfect amount of Christmasing. Enough to where I don’t feel like any stones were left unturned, but no so much that I’m now ready to burn down my tree while doing the death metal horn fingers.

Our Christmas Eve party was the usual seven hours of complete mayhem. Over thirty people shouting at each other, with enough food and booze to cover triple that number.

It all started with a bang, too.




My family — mainly one of my sisters — surprised me by recreating my 1993 Christmas Tiki Hut! Even today, I don’t have the words. If I can count this as a “Christmas present,” it’s one of the best ones I’ve ever received.

Using the photo from this post as their guide, everything that was possible to recreate was recreated. They even found the same tiki glasses!

There was the rusty carafe full of Slim Jims… the hard-boiled eggs topped with cheap caviar… even the infamous “olive tree!”

Fittingly, they put the Tiki Hut in the basement. Like mine, it was stationed away from the main party, so all of the already-gross food could get even grosser with each passing hour. Perfect!

This was honestly one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me. If I’ll remember the 2013 Christmas season for anything, it’ll be this monstrosity. The one covered with crackers and toys, and the sorts of decorations that keep Oriental Trading in business.


The other big moment was when I won Darth Vader. He was one of the prizes in that weird secret Santa white elephant swapping game we always play. With lots of strategic maneuvering and a few doe-eyed glances, I went home with a super huge Darth Vader figure. YES.

(I’d been eyeing this guy for a several months, too. The only reason I never bought him is because I forced myself not to. I thought I was just trying to be less of an asshole with my credit card, but maybe there was more to it. Maybe I’m subconsciously psychic, and secretly knew how things would go down in this year’s weird secret Santa white elephant swapping game.)

Christmas Eve was spent with my family; Christmas with Ms. X’s. When we got home last night, I professed my desire to continue partying, just moments before falling unconscious for a literal half-day. When I woke up this morning, it was with the knowledge that Campari, eggnog and Patron should never be imbibed on the same night.




After I shook off the cobwebs, it was time to play with my presents. For guy in his thirties, I made out like a bandit. Fortunately/unfortunately, I made out like a bandit for a guy in his tweens, too.

Highlights included:

- A zombie gnome.
- A juicer, because there were only so many Montel Williams infomercials I could take before I really, really needed one.
- A giant Buddha statue. Yep, I’m the guy who likes things like that.
- Many books and DVDs and stuff. This included the Pacific Rim Blu-ray, and that sounds like an AMAZING movie for December 26th. Right?
- A shark coloring book and crayons, because I’ve already seen Pacific Rim, and it’ll be cool to color sharks during the boring parts.

It’s a big pile of fun, and I’m absolutely ready to set it all up under a big blanket tent. I’ll be hiding in there until New Year’s Eve. Lift the end and you’ll see me growing Triassic Triops while reading Shaq: Uncut. Which I guess is about Shaq’s penis.


I hope everyone had an incredible Christmas. If you don’t celebrate it… well, thanks for putting up with me these past few months. Dino Drac is ready to resume its non-denominational norm!

So how did YOUR Christmases go? Get anything good? Do anything fun? Eat anything strange and noteworthy? Tell me and the world, in the comments.

  • Ultraman

    I guess I’ll list my loot. I didn’t want much this year. A Nintendo 3DS XL(red) ,Pokemon Y ,The Divine Comedy(hard cover, nice edition) and the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe. I have plenty to keep me busy, while I recover from the chaos that was Christmas! lol

  • Teddy Ray

    Wow, that is so cool that someone recreated your tiki hut! I am seriously impressed!

    My loot:
    -Joyland by Stephen King
    -Chomp by Carl Hiaasen
    -When Elves Attack: A Joyous Christmas Greeting From The Criminal Nutbars of the Sunshine State by Tim Dorsey
    -The Riptide Ultra-Glide by Tim Dorsey
    -Insane City by Dave Barry
    -Dark Places by Gillian Flynn
    -The Simpsons Season 16 on DVD
    -Kill Bill: Volume One and Volume Two on Blu-ray
    -Iron Man 3 on Blu-ray
    -Man of Steel on Blu-ray
    -The Wolverine Unleashed Extended Edition on Blu-ray
    -Kick-Ass 2 on Blu-ray
    -$25 iTunes card
    -All four Ninja Turtles action figures
    -The new Garth Brooks box set, “Blame It All On My Roots,” which I LOVE
    -Phase One of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (includes the first six films of the Marvel Cinematic Universe in a replica of Nick Fury’s briefcase from The Avengers; there’s also a replica of the Cosmic Cube and other memorabilia that’s pretty sweet)
    -160gb iPod Classic

  • Pop Rewind (@PopRewindOnline)

    Nice haul! As for eating anything strange, a salmon dip that my mom made which I’m pretty sure was just a can of salmon and a brick of cream cheese. Not as bad as it sounds, strangely enough.

  • LBD “Nytetrayn”

    Awesome, sounds like you had a great time and a great haul. =)

  • garhalloweenfield

    Matt, just wanted to say thank you for giving me a little Christmas spirit this season. I’m usually like you with all the Christmas stuff, but it’s been one tough Christmas with my dad and my grandmother passing away this December and my cat, who I love dearly, getting into a Lilly I had from the funeral on Christmas Day of all days, spending Christmas day in the Vet ER. Luckily, he is ok. No presents, no decorations, not much spirit, but I caught glimpses of it from reading your blogs which I always enjoy. What you do doesn’t go unnoticed.

    So, here’s hoping for a better 2014 for everyone! I sure could use it.

  • Trekkie313

    Mattel Ghostbusters Neutrino Wand
    Mattel Ghostbusters 2 Dolls
    BOND 50 Blu-ray boxset
    Iron Man 3
    L.A. Noire
    Red Dead Redemption
    Let Me Off At The Top by Ron Burgundy
    $50 and a gift card to the local video store

  • tmlfan1977

    I made out pretty darn well this Christmas:


    Hall Pass
    Man Of Steel
    Dolphin Tale
    Safe House
    Fast & Furious 6


    We’re The Millers
    Perfect Stranger
    Way Of War
    American Pie 4-pack
    Family Adventure 10-pack
    Dead In Tombstone
    The Family Holiday
    A Golden Christmas
    Pain & Gain
    The Hangover: Part III
    Dear John
    Grown Ups 2
    We Bought A Zoo
    The Conjuring
    The Internship
    He’s Just Not That Into You
    Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past


    $60 in Subway gift cards
    $60 in Walmart gift cards
    $25 McDonalds gift card
    “The Girls Of Bond” book
    Sons of Anarchy wall plaque
    Hockey Night in Canada t-shirt
    National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation t-shirt
    Tim McGraw cologne
    Toronto Maple Leafs wall clock
    Toronto Maple Leafs parking sign
    Toronto Maple Leafs jigsaw puzzle

    On Boxing Day, I picked up:

    ALF: The Complete Series
    The Big Bang Theory: Season 6
    The Three Stooges: The Ultimate Collection

  • Bryan

    Matt, unrelated to anything: we’re all skipping work today because of the snow (I live in Brooklyn), so I wandered to the local Key Food and bought a bag of cranberries. I’m eating them as I type.

    A few questions:
    1) The soggy, “hollow” ones (you know which ones I’m referring to?). Do you eat those? They have the texture of a gum bubble. The taste is not great. Are they prizes or things to avoid? I’ve eaten many.
    2) The black ones. See above.

  • Bryan

    ^ignore that. Wrong thread.

  • Mare

    My two favorite gifts were two things that came out at the end of the year that I wanted fiercely and didn’t find in stores before December: the MST3K Movie on DVD and the Hyperbole and a Half book. Can’t recommend either highly enough! Everything else about the holiday was awesome…time with family, time with friends, Christmas evening watching “A Christmas Story” while gorging on pie with my parents. 2013 was great. And the tree didn’t even fall over this year! (In ten years, it’s fallen down at least four of them. Apparently Christmas tree balancing is not in our family’s genetic code.) :)