The real Dinosaur Dracula?

Okay, I guess I need to weigh in on this!

Dozens of times over the past several hours (okay, maybe one dozen times), I’ve been sent links to the big news: “Dinosaur Dracula” is no longer a figment of my imagination. It’s a real goddamned thing. A real life Dinosaur Dracula.

Here’s the scoop, which I got by reading three lines of one article:

The Pegomastax africanus (let’s shorten that to the cooler sounding “Pegomastax”) looked like the result of a ménage à trios starring a dinosaur, a vampire and a porcupine. It looks a bit like a not-fully-evolved version of those idiot kangaroos from Tank Girl.

The “Dracula” thing is due to the creature’s jaw. It had long canines and a jaw structure that really showed them off. There is some debate over what this dino ate, because even if it looks like a meat eater, those teeth could’ve just as easily been used to crack open prehistoric coconuts.

In cases like these, it’s important to trust your heart over science. You can’t call a dinosaur “Dracula” if it lived on stupid things like fruit. CLEARLY, the Pegomastax sustained itself on the blood of its dinosaur cousins. CLEARLY, the Pegomastax could morph into a prehistoric bat. And I bet it used a broken pterodactyl wing as a cape. Even if they were millions of years apart, I’m sure ol’ Pego found a way.

This dinosaur is not a new discovery. I think it’s only getting the press now because someone finally said, “dwahhhh, this thing kinda looks like Dracula.” It’s obvious that that person was one of my site’s fifteen readers, and I take complete credit for all of the hubbub.

I admit it. I’m concerned. If nothing else, my site had a unique name. Now people are gonna assume that I just read some USA Today article and thought, “SOUNDS LIKE A DOMAIN NAME IF I EVER HEARD ONE.” No, that’s NOT how it went down. In fact, longtime readers know that I’ve owned the Dinosaur Dracula site for years longer than “this” iteration came online. IT’S MINE. ALL MINE.

I’m going to be crushed if/when Google searches for “dinosaur dracula” bring up fifty online newspapers before my reviews of old hot dog commercials.

In closing, that’s Dinosaur Dracula. Him, up above. This other prehistoric beast making the Internet rounds is a total poser.

Please, let me have this.


28 Responses to The real Dinosaur Dracula?

  1. We all know the truth, Matt. I bet the Pegomastax never even saw Critters 2.

  2. You’ll always be the first and only Dinosaur Dracula in my heart.

  3. I believe in one Dinosaur Dracula, the Father, the Almighty, maker of old hot dog commercial reviews, of all that is seen and unseen…

  4. The poser Dinosaur Dracula probably never even had a birthday party…

  5. Ay Dios Mio looks like a chupacabra.

  6. Hey, I used to have one of those as a pet.

  7. Matt: I just have to take this opportunity to say that I love the ultra-Halloween version of the Dino Drac site header, particularly the little two-bladed Freddy claw.

  8. i bet that pegobastarx never even tasted Ecto Cooler before. what a rip.

  9. The prophecy is fulfilled.

    Some guy somewhere registering domain Dracula Dinosaur in 3..2..1.

  10. the header is Pinhead/Frankenstein/Dracula/Zombie/Jason/Chucky accessorized with a crite and a mcdonald’s happy meal pail

  11. That’s why I gave my blog a deliberately made up word; I thought I’d have it all to myself, but like you, with spelling getting worse and worse, that might not last!

    MATT: I have something for you if you want it. I’m repeating this message. Still at the same address? If I get radio silence, I’m just going to send it off. It’s sitting on my table wondering if this is all there is to seasonal toy life.

  12. Oh great. Well, time for a new website. DD was fun while it lasted.

  13. We must defend the borders of TyrannoVania!

  14. It reminds me of that alien movie with Lou Gosset jr and Dennis Quaid.
    All spelled wrong. Phoning in.

  15. I’m not so sure it had to be carnivorous. Remember Bunnicula?

  16. This johnny-come-lately looks like an emu with a botched nose job! I bet his fangs are fake, too.

  17. Pirate John: I still have all my Howliday Inn books. Good times.

  18. I haven’t heard of that dinosaur before. It looks fantastic, like an Iguanadon bitten by a werewolf.

    Matt, I remember a month or so ago on your Tumblr someone asked you why you named Dinosaur Dracula “Dinosaur Dracula” and your answer was something along the line of “Why not? Don’t you agree the name rolls off the tongue nicely?”

  19. I always assumed you came up with DinosaurDracula.com because you wanted to trick people who were looking for porn.

  20. I remember coming here when this site was filled with cryptic clues that required deciphering anagrams and various other things to dig deeper into a rabbits quest to ruin Christmas and take over the world. I’m pretty sure that a fossil had nothing to do with that.

  21. Looks like history repeats itself.

    And regarding Jack’s comment: Matt, do you still have the files for those original AC pages from this site? I’d love to see some images of them for old times sake.

  22. I don’t see Porcu-saur up there reviewing commercials and making monsters out of apples. ;)

  23. Haha, as soon as I saw this article last night I was gonna email you, but I figured you’d get flooded with them.

    With this discovery, and the Con-Nec-Tors pieces that enabled you to make a DD figure, I’d say there’s some bit of destiny involved with the name of the site.

  24. Bro just keep writing about commercials from the eighties and target Halloween items…In the words of Kanye West – “We all self conscious I’m just the first one to admit it”

    err I promise that made sense in my head

  25. Looks like someone needs to register Pegomastax.com and forward the domain to this site. ;)

  26. I’m with Another Tom — that thing totally looks like a chupacabra. I can’t wait for Schleich or Safari to make a model of it.

  27. Pegomaxtaz is ugly, the toy Dinosaur Dracula is cute :D :D :D

  28. There is only one Dino Drac and it’s right here.I except no lame imitations.

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