If you like to spend the Halloween season making frivolous purchases, this should be up your alley:
($20 SHIPPED VIA PRIORITY MAIL! UNITED STATES ONLY!)
Yes, it’s the return of Dino Drac’s Envelope of Evil! The third edition is stuffed with strange reading material and goofy goodies, and you can take it all home for twenty bucks shipped! (Via Priority Mail, to boot!)
I should warn the pickier among you that Dino Drac’s October Funpack is debuting in just a few days, so if you can only afford to buy one stupid thing from me, I won’t hold it against you if you’d prefer to wait. That said, quantities are super limited, and once these are gone, they ain’t coming back! Read More…
Welcome back to Vicious Videocassette Boxes, an ongoing series of tributes to… vicious videocassette boxes.
There are many who collect old tapes out of sincere affinity for the format, but I’ll come out and admit that I treat videocassettes more as decorations. They’re like little three-dimensional posters, and I like to clap them like fragile chalkboard erasers.
Still, while most of these movies have been been re-released in more modern formats, there’s something to be said for watching them this way. Improved picture and sound do not always make for improved viewing experiences. All that fuzz and hissing often complement the intended ambiance!
Blockbuster Presents: Halloween! (1995)
I shouldn’t need to tell you that this wasn’t Halloween’s first VHS release. More incredible is that fact that it wasn’t even its last!
I already had the original release, but how could I turn down a version that preyed on my Michael Myers fanship and my nostalgia for Blockbuster Video?
The box design was exclusive to Blockbuster’s version, though I suppose it was no improvement over the original’s “stabbing pumpkin” logo. On the other hand, the original design never made me think of paper-thin carpets and Nestle Goobers. Read More…
Ah, finally! It’s Mood Table time!
I invented the Halloween Mood Table back in 2007. That year, I was all out of sorts over various personal issues, and completely lost my Halloween spirit. The Mood Table was how I got it back.
I’ve made one every year since, and along the way, hundreds of people have joined the fun. I’m weirdly proud to say that there are now people building Halloween Mood Tables and calling them Halloween Mood Tables despite having no idea who I am.
Getting strangers to put orange candles and rubber spiders on top of their nightstands? I could think of worse legacies.
Think of the Mood Table as Halloween’s Christmas tree. It can be huge and gaudy, or it can be small and spartan. All that matters is that it matters to you. The only “rule” is to create a space where Halloween remains visually alive, 24 hours a day. It exists to feed your Halloween spirit. The more I type, the more I sound like Evil Yoda.
Thar she blows. My 2016 Halloween Mood Table.
It’s a big departure from my norm. It’s also just big. After my 2014 and 2015 Mood Tables pushed the boundaries of what could reasonably be accomplished with two 1970s coffee tables purchased at the world’s worst flea market, I decided I needed an upgrade.
This year, the Halloween Mood Table uses an electric fireplace as its base, which I’m of course counting as part of the Mood Table. I’m going for a sort of Freddy Krueger boiler room vibe. As usual, the Mood Table is topped with (and surrounded by) more monsters and creatures than I could begin to catalog. It’s like all of my ugliest toys came alive and decided to throw a luau. Read More…
It’s October! I know you’re all waiting for my Halloween Mood Table (Coming tomorrow!), but I wanted to celebrate the arrival of MONTH #10 with a special bonus weekend update.
So here’s me, dressed like a vampire, reviewing 50 bucks’ worth of Halloween garbage.
I went on a Halloween shopping spree at CVS, you see. I kind of dropped that habit years ago, since CVS’s spooky stuff runs on the pricier side, and often pales in comparison to what other chains carry. Still, I think I did okay. I mean, I’m now the proud owner of a 18” light-up skull. Hard to call that a loss. Read More…
Guess it’s lame to do another Classic Creepy Commercials post so soon, but I have a lot of great ads to get to this year. I’m worried there won’t be time for them all!
(God knows your Halloween season won’t be complete until you watch a promo for a 1994 TV movie about Roseanne.)
Des Moines Theatrical Shop – 1992!
(Donated by Kevin B.)
This is quite possibly the single greatest commercial ever featured on Classic Creepy Commercials. Holy cow. It couldn’t be more perfect.
I’ve never heard of the Des Moines Theatrical Shop, and I’m actually only 30% sure about where the city of Des Moines is. Still, almost every state in the country had some version of this ad, which stretched its five dollar budget to Ed Wood levels.
Despite the fact that the commercial aired during children’s programming, it was decidedly not for kids. Oh, you’ll see ALF and maybe even Spuds MacKenzie, but beyond them, it’s just a parade of horrors.
We begin with shots of Freddy and Jason in what appears to be a Lazer Tag arena, or maybe a set from a Sheena Easton music video. The incredible thing is that they’re hardly the scariest sights. The Des Moines Theatrical Shop had its fair share of utterly bizarre $100 monster masks, and like we told you on the latest episode of The Purple Stuff Podcast, those masks were terrifying to children.
When I visualize the “scarier side” of my childhood Halloweens, it’s basically this commercial. This thing hits every bullet, from horrible masks to foggy darkness to the sounds of tuning forks having weird sex. Watch it, love it, remix it. Read More…