Dinosaur Dracula!

TMNT “Capture the Kraang” Game!

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Right, like I was going to pass this up.

“Capture the Kraang” is a clever spin on the old game where you use a little rod to yank fake fish out of a plastic pool. As the title suggests, they’ve replaced the fish with eight goddamned snapping Kraang.

It’s a miniature version of a much larger set. (Thanks for the tip, Dan!)  This version was being sold in Target’s stocking stuffer section, and since I’m weirdly obsessed with that “genre,” I prefer it to the bigger one. I could easily see it enveloped in red plush, neighboring with candy bars and Crayola crayons. Read More…

Holiday Goldfish Crackers x1000.

If “Christmas” and “Pepperidge Farm Goldfish” both rank high on the list of things you adore, you are so unbelievably covered.

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We’ve seen Christmassy Goldfish before, but never this many at the same time. The only reasonable inference is that Pepperidge Farm Goldfish is the official snack of the holiday season.

The volume is almost bizarre, especially when you consider that I found all three varieties at the same store, and that two of them are the exact same flavor. Since Pepperidge Farm is effectively competing against itself, we may surmise that the top of the mountain is a cold and lonely place.

Normal people needn’t buy three bags of Goldfish, so I’ll do my best to help you make an educated decision. This process involves writing without much thought until each paragraph looks long enough. For instance, by the time I’m done with this sentence, this paragraph will. Read More…

Bud Light Lime’s “Cran-Brrr-Rita!”

I’m on a big project this week, which is eating my time and making me crazy, but at least temporarily funding my passion for cranberry-infused alcoholic beverages.

SPEAKING OF WHICH…

Today’s video is my review of Bud Light Lime’s “Cran-Brrr-Rita.” The margarita with a twist!

These are GOOD. They taste more sophisticated than they sound, and while I wouldn’t go for them often, they’re a perfect way to correlate the holidays with getting hammered.

They will only be available for a short time. Act now, assuming you are of age and have no aversion to bitter things.

Capri Sun’s Jingle Berry Holiday Pack!

This year’s run of holiday junk food looks to be pretty fantastic. I’ve already spotted many great things, and not just repeats from last year, either. I’m talking about all NEW things. Leading the way is a special box of Christmassy Capri Sun!

Capri Sun’s “Limited Time Holiday Packs” include ten pouches of “Jingle Berry” juice. It’s an excellent follow-up to Halloween’s Ghoul-Aid Jammers.

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The box and pouches share a sweet holiday design, while the juice itself is a-okay. It’s supposed to be a strawberry/raspberry blend, but as I mention in the video, the flavor is much closer to cranberry.  (Actually, I’m wondering if it really IS cranberry. Maybe Kraft got cold feet about calling it that because children like other berries better?)

Whatever the case, the Capri Sun Holiday Pack was the perfect way to “officially” kick off my season. It wasn’t until that juice hit my tongue that I felt okay about firing up the ol’ Christmas Jukebox.

Now I’m so there.

The Trash Pack Advent Calendar!

I took a few days to lose the post-Halloween doldrums, but now I’m back, and ready to talk about candy canes. Almost.

Dino Drac’s 2013 Holiday Season has arrived, and with it, another swank logo courtesy of Jason Week. We’ll come up with something else for December, but a “Thanksgiving Day Parade” motif seemed like the right thing for right now.

I’m not making any promises as far as post frequency, partly because I can’t, but also because I just want to wing it this year. Write when I want to write, read old Star Wars Galaxy Guides when I want to read old Star Wars Galaxy Guides. Even so, I’m confident that I will make you ABSOLUTELY SICK OF SANTA CLAUS before 2014.

Let’s start now!

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I found The Trash Pack Advent Calendar on Amazon, and even with its bloated price, buying one was a no-brainer.

Those who have read me since the Dark Ages know that I have a long and somewhat sordid history with toy-stuffed advent calendars, dating back to 2002. At that time, Playmobil was the only show in town, but now there’s an advent calendar for everything. (And Playmobil, desperate to retain their turf, can only respond by debuting sixty different advent calendars each year.)

It’s become overwhelming, to the point where my impulse is to just ignore all advent calendars, lest I spent 15 minutes in a K-hole at Target, trying to choose between the LEGO, Imaginext and Mega Bloks versions.

It takes a lot to make me jump at an advent calendar nowadays. A Trash Pack version was not only justification for jumping, but justification for jumping high enough to crack my head open on the ceiling. By the complete lack of give, I estimate that mine was crafted with something other than sheetrock. Read More…

Shrunken Apple Head’s 10th Birthday!

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Oof. This one’s gonna be bittersweet for me. I’ll tell you why in a minute.

Guys, it’s Shrunken Apple Head’s TENTH birthday!

Shrunken Apple Head first appeared on X-Entertainment in 2003, as part of my ill-fated attempt to review an ancient Vincent Price “Shrunken Head” kit without actually owning one. He came out looking like the corpse of Doc Brown, and I had no reason to suspect that he’d last more than a few months, let alone TEN GODDAMNED YEARS.

I’ve shown you Shrunken Apple Head nearly every year since, not even letting major hurricanes get in my way. Now here’s how our pal looks in 2013:

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Unfortunately, that’s only a recent picture – not one from today.

Which brings me to the “bittersweet” part.

Now that Shrunken Apple Head has matured, he’s taken on many new responsibilities. A few months ago, he even got a job. I have no idea what he does, but he’s perpetually stressed and almost always traveling.

In fact, he’s been gone for nearly a week now, off on another of his mysterious business trips. I hate this. I hate that I’m not spending Halloween with my whole family, and I hate that poor Shrunken Apple Head can’t be with us on his tenth birthday.

He hates it, too. I was on the phone with him a few days ago, and he could barely get a word out. Who wants to spend their birthday all alone in some crappy hotel, hundreds of miles from anyone or anything familiar?

But every cloud has a silver lining, even when the cloud is composed of weird things like ten-year-old fruit. A few of Shrunken Apple Head’s friends got together and… well, watch this:

Happy birthday, Shrunken Apple Head. Even with all of today’s candy and horror movies and costumes and mirth, we’re thinking of you.

Dino Drac’s 2013 Halloween prints are still on sale! Click here for the details! Thanks to everyone who already ordered one. I hope you like pink and rabbits! Happy Halloween to you and yours.