Dissections

It’s tough to exaggerate how popular the Ninja Turtles were in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s. Batman may have been a bigger movie and The Simpsons may have been a bigger TV show, but the thing about the Turtles is that they hit into EVERYTHING. All at once, they had a white hot cartoo

Maniac Cop 2 is a wonderful horror movie that improves upon the original in every way. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve never actually seen the whole thing, despite listening to the Maniac Cop Rap several times each week. I did watch the first 15 minutes, though, thanks to a ti

Earlier this week, I kicked off a new series on Dino Drac: Old Junk Food in Old Movies. Now even the worst movies are worth watching, because who knows, maybe I’ll spot a can of discontinued Pringles hiding in the background. You can read the first volume over here, but if you ask me, th

Whenever I watch old movies, I keep an eye out for old junk food. Sometimes I spot it during a kitchen scene. Other times it’s while characters zip around supermarkets. Whatever the case, spotting old junk food makes me lose track of the movies’ actual plots as I bittersweetly contempl

So, here’s something weird. I love Halloween 4 to death, yet the film doesn’t even crack my top 3 from that franchise. I’ve never considered myself nearly the Myers nut that so many of my friends are, but here I am, sweating over whether Halloween 4 beats Halloween H20 or not. Hallow

If you’re into ‘80s slasher flicks and you’ve never seen Intruder, stop it! It’s so good. Set in a supermarket for what ends up being a literal graveyard shift, it’s gory and tense, but more surprisingly smart and funny. It’s also a chance to see oodles of legit 1980s groce

The original My Pet Monster doll was awesome in a once-in-a-lifetime way. He was just so big, so unique and so toothy! If you’re looking to buy back a piece of your childhood, that doll is one of the few ‘80s toys that really lives up to its legend. In fact, My Pet Monster was

If you’ve never seen Killer Klowns from Outer Space, fix that! The 1988 film is exactly as weird as the title suggests, but it’s also just a good little movie. Those who have seen it may remember a minor scene wherein the Killer Klowns invaded a pharmacy. That’s why I’m here tonigh

Remember the opening scene of 1988’s Child’s Play? Detective Mike Norris (Chris Sarandon) chases serial killer Charles Lee Ray (Brad Dourif) into a toy store. Nearing death, Ray uses a voodoo spell to transfer his soul into a doll, signaling the start of a cheeky slasher series that’

During Friday the 13th Part 2’s cold open, Alice Hardy — the sole survivor from the first movie — was killed by Jason Voorhees. (Icepick to the temple, if you were wondering!) Perhaps more shocking than the way Alice croaked was what she saw just before it happened: See, Jaso

During Married with Children’s fifth season two-parter, You Better Shop Around, the Bundys battled the D’Arcys in a bootleg version of Supermarket Sweep. It’s easy to see why these episodes are so beloved by fans: The cast had perhaps never been more willing to get physical and

Throw Beverly Hills Cop, Cool as Ice and a big block of Velveeta into a blender, and out would come Stone Cold. The 1991 cult classic stars Brian “The Boz” Bosworth as a rebel cop who plays by his own rules and dresses like a surfer version of General Zod. It’s terrible and great. Co

Tonight we’re gonna look at eight fictitious foods from movies and television that I really, really want to eat. If I’m ever condemned, my last meal request will include three fish biscuits and a tall glass of whatever that shit was that they drank in Death Becomes Her. #1: Luke’

My friend Lauren told me to check out Manhunter, the 1986 thriller and first-ever film to feature the Hannibal Lecter character. (Okay, Lecktor, but it was the same guy.) Many critics didn’t go gaga over Manhunter back then, but I loved it for exactly the same reasons that they ha

Back when Pee-wee was just starting to catch on, he was a frequent guest on Late Night with David Letterman, taking part in bizarre bits that only further cemented his rise to superstardom. Since my own obsession began with Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, I missed the earliest of those appeara

After the Nintendo Power Glove came up in the previous article, someone pointed out that it made a cameo appearance in Beethoven. Yes, the 1992 movie about a sloppy St. Bernard and the man who grows to love him. Somehow, the Power Glove was in that. Actually, yesterday’s anonymous co

Yeah, I’m really doing this. It’s too late to stop me. A Garfield Christmas is one of my favorite holiday specials. During its run on CBS, I watched it every year. To me, it was every bit as important as Charlie Brown’s thing, and for a time, I liked it even more. The bulk of

Remember last month, when I went into tremendously long detail about some total stranger’s ancient Halloween photo? Let’s do that again! This photo was another eBay find. I don’t know who that house belongs to, nor even what part of the country it’s from. I suppose some of you ar

The weekend marks the 30th anniversary of Ghostbusters. Let’s celebrate with Ecto Cooler! Yeah, Hi-C Ecto Cooler, something I’ve written about four thousand times before, but never from this angle. Some friends tipped me off about extremely implausible yet entirely provable Ecto Cooler

If you’re anywhere near my age, there's no way that you didn’t have a few of the things seen in Adam’s bedroom. No chance, no how. It was like the showroom version of the 1987 Sears Wish Book. I don’t know if they borrowed some super-collector’s stuff or actually hunted everythin

Back in 1998, I was definitely a collector. I’d been a collector for years by then, but you know how it is when you’re a careless kid and everything else goes to shit. You focus on your happy hobbies and pretend it’s okay to ignore everything else. In 1998, I was in DEEP.

If you’re smart, you’ll watch Jingle All the Way at least once before Christmas. Arnold Schwarzenegger battling Sinbad for 1996’s hottest toy, all so he could make little Anakin Skywalker think he was a good dad? Uh, YES. The ludicrous but lovable film was stupid in all the

Christmas Eve, 1988. I was nine years old. Our whole giant family spent most of the day in the dining room, like we always did on Christmas Eve. Actually, it wasn’t just the dining room. That dining room wouldn’t have fit even half of us. Instead, our regular table was joined by two fo

I saw Big in theaters back in ’88, and charming as it was, I think the fact that I was nine-years-old had everything to do with why I loved it.  Sure, the film was as much “sad” as “happy,” but what kid wouldn’t have been jealous of Tom Hanks? (More specifically his character,

Released in 1986, I must have seen Flight of the Navigator at least a hundred times. Admittedly, none of those hundred times were recent. If I get any facts wrong in this post, blame a combination of faded memories and the fact that I wrote it at 3:30 in the morning. The synopsis, as I