Food – Retro

Every holiday season, I’m inspired to dig through my ancient recipe books, searching for meals and appetizers that haven’t been in fashion since before I was born. Why? I DON’T KNOW. No matter how this odd passion took form, it’s been a part of my holiday celebrations for as long

Back in 1991, Doritos and Pepsi teamed to give away cash prizes in a special Halloween promotion. It was called Monster Match For Monster Money, and for a short time, it was the best thing on the planet. On specially marked packages of Doritos and Pepsi, we got game pieces that could’

It all started with this thing: From 1989, it’s a promotional standee for Bonkers candy, celebrating their historic teaming with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I grew up loving everything on that standee, so when I had the chance to buy it, I jumped. If you don’t remember Bonkers, t

I wasn’t sure if today’s topic truly deserved to be one, so I asked the folks on Twitter: Does anyone want to read about really old Fruit Roll-Ups? — Dinosaur Dracula (@DinosaurDracula) July 31, 2014 They said yes. And that’s how you came to read 750 words about old Fruit Roll-Ups.

And the hits just keep on comin’! Last November, my ears perked up during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade broadcast. As a giant Kool-Aid Man rolled down 34th Street, one of the hosts casually announced some of upcoming flavors for 2014. Among them was SHARKLEBERRY FIN. The host didn

Oh. Oh my. This. Words. Fireworks. Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you’re sitting down. Hostess Chocodiles… HAVE RETURNED. I’ve been staring at this mostly-blank screen for five minutes, unable to come up with sentences worthy of delivering such news. Maybe there aren’t any. Maybe I s

Today I pay tribute to Life Savers Holes. Tomorrow, I vacuum the upholstery in my car. Life Savers Holes! They came, they saw, and while I was convinced that they’d conquered, the fact that they no longer exist suggests otherwise. The world at large was not ready to accept the supposed

The weekend marks the 30th anniversary of Ghostbusters. Let’s celebrate with Ecto Cooler! Yeah, Hi-C Ecto Cooler, something I’ve written about four thousand times before, but never from this angle. Some friends tipped me off about extremely implausible yet entirely provable Ecto Cooler

I own many ancient cereal boxes. Most of them live in plastic bins on a high shelf, trapped in cramped quarters with nothing to do except barely breathe. I believe it was the Dino Pebbles, or maybe the Smurfberry Crunch, that contacted me telepathically. “Brother, we need air.”

Made by Nabisco in 1991, it’s like the cereal we grew up with, but from an alternate universe. So much is different, and yet, so much is the same. Compare this with the other box, and you’ll notice how the four Turtles are basically in the same positions, and are sort of making the exa

I’ve been absent for a while, busy with work, and even busier navigating the mountains of snow on the way to work. 2014 wasted no time in turning me into someone who thinks winter should be illegal. I picture a snowman on the witness stand, melting under the stress of hard questions. Unr

Refrigerators are private places. Intimate places. It’s hard to let strangers peek inside. I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want people to see Tupperwares full of sludge, and forever associate me with Tupperwares full of sludge. I don’t want people to know how much I like Lau

Was there such a thing as Ecto Cooler Twinkies? Well, NO, but bear with me. Old news: Ecto Cooler was the Slimer-fronted Hi-C flavor, made to capitalize on the popularity of The Real Ghostbusters. The flavor overachieved, and Slimer seemed to remain on those boxes even after his superstar

I should be more excited about Christmas Crunch’s glorious return, but… Ho ho hum. They didn’t redesign the box. It’s exactly the same as last year’s. And last year’s was exactly the same as 2011’s. I’d buy Christmas Crunch even if they released it in plain paper bags, but

Madd Matt sure spent a long time making this video! Never heard of Spider Bites? Made by Topps in 1990, it was a collection of ghoulish spider figurines that dispensed awful, colorful candy. They came in a really great box! Thank you.

This article is about GUM. New gum and old gum. I’m grouping them together because they’re brothers from different mothers. The Big League Chew packages are new for 2013, while the mysterious “Shreds” are… well, actually, I have no idea when they’re from. 1977? 1995? All I know

If you’re around my age – and even if you’re not – you should be able to remember a dozen times when McDonald’s sweetened the Halloween season. From McBoo pails to the costumed McNugget buddies, Ronald McDonald has often seemed like Halloween’s Santa Claus, always ready to rewa

Between 10AM and 12PM, I received word from three different readers about the cereals. At that point, Frute Brute was only a "possibly-maybe," but I had a confirmed Fruity Yummy Mummy sighting from an employee of a certain national chain.

This will probably be the last edition of The Popsicle Parade for 2013, so please, a moment of silence from those who have enjoyed looking at old ice cream stickers. Thank you. That was special. #21: Firecracker Root Beer Float! I’m loving the discovery that this “Firecracker” popsic

If you’re unfamiliar with “candy heads,” they were candy-filled containers shaped like the heads of our most beloved TV and movie characters. But you could probably tell that from the photo. They still exist in many forms, but it isn’t like it used to be. There was a time when virt

Here’s the sequel to something I wrote back in 2007, about old McDonald’s “trayliners.” You know, the paper placemats that lined our trays whenever we ate at McD’s. Truly, the biggest disadvantage of taking your food to go was missing the chance to watch oily fries turn a

Here’s me, trying “Pink Swimmingo” Kool-Aid from 1992. It’s one of the few “character flavors” I never got around to back on X-E. It’s pretty wonderful stuff! Really wish Kool-Aid would start doing the custom flavor mascots again. I love the Kool-A

It’s been a while since the last edition of The Popsicle Parade, and summer isn’t getting any younger. Here are five more treats from yesteryear’s ice cream trucks, represented by big yellow stickers that photograph horribly!  #16: Firecracker! If you think this one’s boring, it�

I’m no fan of Roland Emmerich’s Godzilla, but man, I wanted to be. I saw it way late, and hoped that its parade of awful reviews were only written by people who’d either “missed the point” or were inherently joyless. Nah. It really was terrible. But that doesn’t damper my memor

Deadsites rages on with its second edition. Today’s website is about old soda and Papa Roach. No guesses? Fine. Here’s an obnoxiously tall hint: Yep, we’re about to revisit the official website of PEPSI BLUE, from 2002! I wrote about this stuff when it was brand new. (I’m old, you