This next week’s going to be pretty light on serious content, as I have about a million things to get done in preparation for the 2013 Halloween Countdown. Which starts NEXT FREAKIN’ SATURDAY, YASE YASE YASE.
After the somewhat surprising success of the Cruel Summer Funpacks, I was motivated to test out the law of diminishing returns.
Introducing… Dino Drac’s Creepy Stupid Funpacks!
For $22.63 (shipping included), you’ll get a package just like one of the examples shown above. This time, it’s a mix of classic nostalgia items along with a few hints of Halloween. Here’s the quick-and-dirty breakdown…
Each Creepy Stupid Funpack includes:
– One random sealed pack of Life Savers Holes, from the early ‘90s!
– One random vintage cereal premium, still sealed!
– A Thundercats “Snarf” pencil topper OR a Slimer candy head!
– One vintage Hi-C/Real Ghostbusters lunch sack!
– One random pack of old trading cards + a few loose cards thrown in!
– A small but sincere pile of Halloween toys and novelties!
– An exclusive photo of Shrunken Apple Head, signed by the man/fruit himself!
No two packs are exactly alike, but the above photos ARE of actual Funpacks – so you’ll be getting something like that!
If you’re already sold, skip to the bottom for ordering info. If not, let me see how I can make this stuff sound interesting…
You WILL receive one SEALED pack of vintage LIFE SAVERS HOLES, and make no mistake, that’s where most of your money is going. These aren’t easy to come by! You’ll receive one random flavor (sorry, no picking), and I must clarify that you should NOT eat this candy. It’s VERY old, and even though the packs have never been unsealed, the candy tends to congeal into single masses of death! Look and love, but do not eat!
You WILL receive ONE of these two items! You’ll either get a vintage Thundercats “Snarf” pencil topper, OR a vintage Slimer candy head! The Snarf figure was part of an ancient Burger King promotion. The Slimer candy heads still have their candy inside, but again, THIS IS NOT FOR EATING!
(Sorry, no choosing! I don’t have enough of either to take requests!)
You WILL receive ONE vintage Hi-C lunch sack, featuring The Real Ghostbusters! Some sacks feature Slimer, while others feature the classic Ghostbusters logo.
NOTE: Bags will be folded (once) before shipping, as otherwise they’re too tall for any reasonably-sized envelope. The bags shown in the above photo were already folded, so that’s the kind of crease you’ll be looking at. Unsightly, ain’t it?
You WILL receive ONE vintage cereal premium from the ‘80s or ‘90s! I have TONS of these, and the two shown above are just some of the MANY examples. All I can guarantee you is that you’ll get a vintage cereal prize in unused condition. Beyond that, it’s a surprise! (Don’t worry – I’m being conscious of excluding any serious duds from the Funpacks.)
You WILL receive one random pack of old trading cards, plus a couple of loose ones. I have just enough left over from the Cruel Summer Funpacks to squeeze ‘em in here. Feeling lucky?
You WILL receive a handful of random Halloween junk! There’s a big variety of items going into these Funpacks, so the above photo is just one potential example of what you’ll receive. No matter what you get, it’ll be enough to lift your Halloween spirit. Smart money says you’ll get something made of rubber and at least one goofy ring. Wait and see! (PS, if you care – this stuff is pretty old!)
Last but not least, you WILL receive a glossy color photo of SHRUNKEN APPLE HEAD, signed by… SHRUNKEN APPLE HEAD! These photos are exclusive to the Creepy Stupid Funpacks and will not be sold again.
Whew. I think that’s it.
Everything will be shipped in a padded envelope, same as the Cruel Summer Funpacks were.
Your cost? $22.63. Yeah, it was arbitrary. Mostly.
To order, click the button below. United States only, please! If you have a Paypal account, great, but even if you don’t, I believe you can still order with any major credit card. Proceeds from this endeavor will go towards making the next several months of Dinosaur Dracula a little less of a financial burden.
[stextbox id=”alert”]That was fast! The Creepy Stupid Funpacks are sold out in their “official” capacity, but if you’re desperate for nonsense, I do have a few — literally just a few — backup packs with slightly modified inclusions. E-mail me for the scoop — first come, first served! Will get back to you on Monday. Thanks![/stextbox]