Eggo Seasons Pumpkin Spice Waffles!

I’ve been waiting for Eggo to make “Halloween waffles” for nearly as long as I’ve been doing the Countdown. I guess my feeble attempt to summon them by way of a voodoo crock pot was more effective than I imagined it would be, because finally, THEY ARE HERE.

You know, I’d seen mentions of these over the last few weeks, but I totally forgot to add ’em to my mental checklist. Imagine my surprise to spot them as I strolled through the freezer section of Stop & Shop, searching for frozen raspberries. (If you’ve never experienced a frozen raspberry, do everything in your power to change that. Each one is like a tiny-sized snowcone. I love them so much.)

Right next to the raspberries, there they were: Eggo Seasons “Pumpkin Spice” waffles, in great boxes peppered with pumpkin and cinnamon stick graphics.

Thank God it was late and the place was almost empty, because not even my legendary self-consciousness could keep me from celebrating with what’s best compared to a Penguins of Madagascar dance number.

As the box states, the waffles have been blessed with pumpkin spices, cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger.

Since I’m not the biggest fan of pumpkin-flavored anything, I was happy to see so many other ingredients. Cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger? If that trio cannot neutralize the controversial taste of pumpkin, nothing will.

Also: I’d like to commend the back of the box for displaying the most awesomely autumn motif I’ve seen all season. I want to find those trees and make love under them. I want to collect the trees’ leaves and stick googly eyes on them. I want to cut up this box and frame my favorite parts of it.

The waffles look terrific, smell terrific, and since they’re pretty terrible for you, taste terrific.

Let’s start with the appearance. Normal Eggo waffles share a color with boiled corn, but the Pumpkin Spice versions look a bit…richer? Is that the right word? I’d say “darker,” but I don’t know if that says enough. It’s a deep color that isn’t at all uniform across the waffles, leaving you to presume that each bite has the potential to taste slightly different from the previous. It isn’t true, but I like pretending.

The stink is where these waffles really shine. It’s strong and good to the point where it seems less like a natural evolution of odors and more like Kellogg’s sprayed autumn edition Febreze all over the things. If they did, I give them credit. It was a calculated risk, and I think it paid off.

Finally, the flavor. NICE. I usually have to work hard to stay objective and “of the people” when I review something’s flavor, because I have peculiar, very-me tastes. It’s part of why I’m so different and special.

But, even for me, a man averse to pumpkin meat, these are fantastic. Spicy, nutty and other five-letter words than end in a Y.

Funky. Fancy. Zesty.

No doubt, these waffles are money.

Please note that “money” is another FLWTEIAY.

If you want to get more from your Halloween waffles, you can do what I did. Carve one up like a jack o’ lantern, paint it with food coloring, and use it as the top piece of a Pumpkin Spice Waffle Ice Cream Sandwich. Of course, you’ll need to negotiate with me for use of the rights.

Only when I was snapping the photo above did I finally notice my nosy neighbor, watching me from her window. I don’t blame her for being mesmerized, since I was outside, in my pajamas, taking pictures of waffles and Beetlejuice. Still, waffle photo sessions are really things of solitude. She completely ruined my Kodak Moment, perhaps feeling that someone who uses a Nikon camera did not deserve one.

Yeah, I totally broke out a scalpel to carve my waffle o’ lantern. And I totally spent ten minutes perfecting the right mix of red and yellow dyes to make orange. You have no idea what lengths I went to, all to make an Eggo review worth reading. Because, jeez, nobody wants to read this much about waffles.

Point being, I’m open to suggestions on the appropriate pill. If it helps narrow things down, I prefer capsules, the ones where half of each capsule is one color and the other halves are a different color. Those are the best.