Time for another batch of ‘80s and ‘90s TV commercials, pulled from my ginormous collection of half-rotted VHS tapes. Get set for Ninja Turtles, Slurpees and gratuitously creepy PSAs.
Turtle Power Hotline! (1990)
Kids! Call this special 900 number to listen to songs from the live-action Ninja Turtles movie! Add five bucks to your parents’ phone bill just to hear Partners in Kryme’s Turtle Power!
TOTALLY WORTH IT.
Yeah, it would’ve been more cost effective to just buy the soundtrack, but it’s not like we cared enough to do the math. I could totally see the me-of-then sneaking a call, and for all I know, I did.
More interesting than the hotline was the commercial for the hotline, which featured everything from mixed aspect ratios to an iffy Ninja Turtles impression. “It’s almost as cool as pizza!” Read More…
We’re long past the point where Halloween III: Season of the Witch needs defending. It’s now celebrated for the same reasons it was once vilified. In summary: It dared to be different.
The film plays out more like a bleak 1970s sci-fi thriller than a chapter in an ‘80s slasher franchise, and if someone asked me what’s so good about it, I’d just say that.
But there’s a subtler draw, too. Something you only pick up on after watching Halloween III for the hundredth time. It’s fun to see someone’s head transform into snakes, but there’s gotta be something else about this film that keeps us coming back.
Eventually, it hits you:
Halloween III is an amazing road trip movie.
So we had Dan Challis and Ellie Grimbridge infiltrating a malevolent novelty factory, right? If you ignore the fact that it doesn’t end well for them, they really do have a kickass time on the journey.
Their impromptu road trip resembles so many of my own adventures, and it always inspires me to go on more of them. Squeeze out the murders, the robots and the magic masks, and I’d go so far to say that it was the perfect road trip. Below are six reasons why!
#1: It wasn’t planned.
The best road trips happen on the fly. So much of the appeal lies in the surprise factor, and that’s way diminished if you know exactly where you’re going and exactly what you’re doing.
Dan and Ellie barely know each other when they hit the highway. Ellie’s searching for clues about who murdered her father, and Dan… well, Dan just seems to tag along for the hell of it. You get the impression that both are craving adventure as much as answers.
(Keep in mind, Dan’s sole preparation for the trip involved buying a six-pack. Hardly the expected start-point for an amateur murder investigation!) Read More…
It’s May the 4th. Star Wars Day. A time for fans to revel in Boss Nass gifs and four inch action figures. If you’re into Star Wars, I hope you enjoy it. If you’re not into Star Wars, I hope you enjoy telling everyone you’re not. May the 4th has something for everyone!
Course, this particular Star Wars Day is extra special, since we’re *this close* to the premiere of Solo: A Star Wars Story. To celebrate, me and Jay from The Sexy Armpit ate way too much food at Denny’s.
No, really! If you missed the news, Denny’s now has a special Solo-themed menu, filled with all sorts of wackadoo space food. You can even buy a cup topped with a plastic Millennium Falcon!
We went home full and gross, and quickly recorded our thoughts for the Purple Stuff Podcast. Get ready to hear us yap about spicy burgers and screwy eggs in this all-new minisode:
Thanks as always for checking out the show. If you live near a Denny’s, I encourage you to GO THERE NOW. I live for promotions like this, and have never regretted taking the bait. (And, for what it’s worth, that weird spicy burger was pretty damn good.) Read More…
If I was successful, this month’s Funpack will help you remember the days when you walked into comic shops with crumpled bills and hours to kill.
AVAILABLE FOR THREE DAYS! U.S. ONLY!
Dino Drac’s April Funpack is here, and it’s seriously one of my favorites. It’s also way, way different from the norm, with a heavy lean on retro reading material that should keep you occupied for a whole dang afternoon. You’re gonna dig this one, guys.
Usual spiel: Funpack subscriptions are $25 a month (including shipping), and for as long as you remain subscribed, you’ll get a new package of old, cool junk every single month! You can cancel at any time without penalty, of course!
There wouldn’t be a Dino Drac without your subscriptions, so on top of getting a bunch of fun things, you’re also helping to keep the site going!
Scroll to the bottom for more info, or keep reading to see everything you’ll get in the April Funpack! Read More…
Torn from the pages of comics that were far more valuable before said tearing commenced, here’s another batch of comic book ads from the ‘80s and ‘90s.
TMNT Cereal with Pizza-Shaped Marshmallows!
Ghost Rider #13, May 1991
I love how Ralston kept kids interested in Ninja Turtles Cereal with a series of increasingly bizarre gimmicks and giveaways — like the time they included packets of Honey Ooze for kids to drip over it, or the time they handed out free TMNT-themed cereal bowls.
This ad announced what may have been my favorite of the TMNT Cereal promotions: PIZZA-SHAPED MARSHMALLOWS!
They looked as much like decaying teeth, but with cereal marshmallows, kids gave companies a lotta rope. Given how prominent pizza was in Ninja Turtles lore, it’s wild that Ralston didn’t start off with that shape.
The pizza-shaped marshmallows didn’t taste like pizza, but I bet that some kids convinced themselves otherwise. (Sort of like how I used to swear that red construction paper tasted like cherries.) Read More…