It’s basically Christmas even as I write this. The next few days are going to be dead online, but I was determined to get one last holiday-themed article on the site before Santa hightailed it back to the North Pole.

Consider this my Christmas gift to you. It’s not wrapped, and that’s good, because I am absolutely the world’s worst wrapper. Half a roll of Scotch tape on every box, with tears on every seam.

Let’s take a look at six great toys from the 1984 JCPenney Christmas catalog.

This is another one of those “too good” catalogs, filled with so many things I owned and cherished. Problem is, those just happen to be the exact things you’ve already seen a million times before. Like, yeah, I could include photos of Castle Grayskull and the old Darth Vader figure, but it’s not like you’ll get anything new from them.

Instead, I’m gonna focus on the deeper cuts. I’d completely forgotten some of the things featured below, even if they once meant the world to me. Hope they hit you the same way. If not, oh well, you’re at your Aunt Jan’s right now anyway, pouring spiked punch into a coffee cup while your worst cousin tries to bring up politics. Why do I bother?

Kronoform Robot Watch!
($14.99)

In the realm of transforming robot watches, Kronoform was the Rolex. In robot form, it looked right at home with the earliest Transformers figures. That was no coincidence. The watches were produced by Takara, which also created our beloved Autobots and Deceptions!

There were a billion similar robot watches, but Kronoform was the one name brand. (You might remember cheap imitators acting as the top prizes in so many fifty-cent vending machines. Honestly, even those knockoff versions were pretty great.)

These watches were way popular when I was in elementary school. Kronoform let us sneak toys into class in plain sight, and so long as you didn’t do anything stupid — like, say, demonstrate the transformation process while Mrs. Hatcher was standing right there — they were a fast ticket to schoolyard stardom. Read More…

We considered posting our next episode of Purple Stuff Podcast after the holidays, since another Christmas-themed show would only have a couple of days to “make bank” before nobody wanted to listen to it.

…but eh, screw that. If you need some virtual company as we head into the Big Day, we’re here for ya!

It’s the Purple Stuff’s last show before Christmas! To celebrate, me and Jay from The Sexy Armpit are naming eight of our favorite holiday traditions. This one tackles everything from TV specials to greasy food to driving around the neighborhood to check out everyone’s lights.

Click here to listen to the new episode!

We hope you enjoy it. As a reminder, the Purple Stuff Podcast is also on Patreon, where you can get exclusive access to monthly bonus shows — including the one we recently posted for December! Thanks again to everyone who signed up. We’re really looking forward to delivering the goods in 2019!

Here are some photographical spoilers about this week’s show:

If you’re going to be out and about for the next few days, have a wonderful holiday!

In the comments, feel free to share some of your favorite Christmas traditions. Nothing is too small, so long as it matters to you!

Wellp, it’s time for my favorite Dino Drac feature. Get set for more weird holiday appetizers!

As is now an annual tradition, I dug into my vast collection of ancient recipe books, searching for snacks that’ve fallen out of fashion. I’ve been doing that for longer than I’ve even had websites, but you’ve been my excuse to stop marveling at the photos and start making the dishes.

I aim to select recipes that “sound” vintage, but aren’t so strange that they’re totally repellant by today’s standards. This isn’t an exercise in grossing you out. (To that end, more than half of the appetizers shown below are good enough to come with genuine recommendations!)

I found this recipe in a cooking magazine from 1985, when Chinese cuisine was super chic. (I don’t know much about the culinary zeitgeist from the mid ‘80s, but given what I see in these books, the easiest way to broadcast one’s fanciness was by messing around with snow peas and spare ribs.)

Shanghai Beef is a simplified-yet-souped-up version of fried rice. Brown steak strips in a little oil, dust them with cornstarch, and then add beef broth and soy sauce. Toss in water chestnuts, diced red pepper and some scallions. Once everything starts to boil, add a small box of Minute Rice and remove from heat. Stir like crazy, wait five minutes, and it’s ready to go!

SCORE: 9 out of 10. It’s ridiculously tasty — not exactly like standard fried rice, but somewhere in that family. Smells and looks wonderful, too. I’m amazed that I could get something this good on the table in under twenty minutes. Read More…