Stay Puft Marshmallow Twinkies!
Even with its 80 trailers and 500 TV spots, excitement for the Ghostbusters reboot is being fueled as much by junk food.
From Ecto Cooler to misshapen marshmallows to Key Lime Slime Twinkies, I can only hope that I have half as much fun watching the movie as I’ve had eating it.
…and the hits just keep on coming!
In a shocking twist, Hostess has now doubled-down on the new movie, following up their Key Lime Slime flavor with the all-new White Fudge Marshmallow Twinkies — with, of course, a wink and a nod to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
Word of this promotion only spread a few days ago, and even then through leaky circumstances. It’s unusual for something like this to be played so close to the vest. I love how Hostess was all “naw nothing’s going on we swear” when they had a secret battalion of soldier elephants beyond their front line. This is big motherfuckin’ marshmallow news.
The Twinkies are exclusive to Walmart, and are only now trickling into stores. Me and Jay had to drive for over an hour to track them down, passing the time with such road trip topics as “What if they DON’T have the Twinkies?” and “No really, what if they DON’T have the Twinkies?” Macabre pacts were formed.
Fortunately, they had the Twinkies.
Now here’s the thing, and it’s kind of a big thing:
I perfectly understand why Hostess is calling them “Twinkies.” It’s their most popular brand, and it’s the only one with a clear canonical tie to the Ghostbusters universe. But dude, I know a Chocodile when I see one, and these are CHOCODILES. White Fudge Marshmallow Chocodiles, I concede, but don’t you dare say that like it’s a bad thing.
The cakes (I guess they’re cakes?) are inelegant, to put it mildly. They’re crumbly and they’re cracked and they lack a certain uniformity. It’s almost as if these weren’t produced by Hostess, but by a bunch of second graders who wanted to raise money to save dolphins. Mind-blowing if true, but all good either way.
Some folks have had trouble acclimating to the Key Lime Slime Twinkies, but I’m happy to report that these aren’t quite so exotic. It’s just this big mash of CAKE and CAKE FROSTING and CREAMY FILLING that collectively tastes like chocomallow, aka what happens when marshmallows and chocolate hit it off and have a baby.
Pair its flavor with a presentation that evokes imagery of a tearful Little Debbie defecting to the winning team, and my God do I want to put googly eyes on these Twinkies so it’ll be a little less weird when I tell them I love them.
These are blessed times for Ghostbusters fans, and I hope you’re taking advantage of them.
Last week, a commenter on Dino Drac’s Facebook page swore off all of the Ghostbusters Hostess snacks on account of them being tied to the reboot, and even now I’m surprised that neither Hostess nor Sony collapsed in the wake of this. If you’re not into the movie, whatever, but don’t turn down STAY PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN TWINKIES unless it’s like, Lent.
I bought five boxes. One to eat, a couple to share, and then two for THE VAULT:
When brother turns against brother and the granaries finally empty, we’ll see who’ll be laughing last.
