Oh. Oh my. This. Words. Fireworks.

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you’re sitting down.

Hostess Chocodiles… HAVE RETURNED.

I’ve been staring at this mostly-blank screen for five minutes, unable to come up with sentences worthy of delivering such news. Maybe there aren’t any. Maybe I should’ve just posted the above photo alone, but with angelic harp music embedded into the page. Maybe I should stop writing, and start shouting from my rooftop.

“NEIGHBORS! I DON’T KNOW YOUR NAMES BECAUSE I’VE SPENT MANY YEARS GOING OUT OF MY WAY TO AVOID YOU! ANYWAY LISTEN! CHOCODILES ARE BACK! CHOCODILES ARE BACK!”

Eventually, someone would throw a shoe at me. That’s fine; I collect them.

If Chocodiles are a foreign concept, I suggest you read this ancient X-E article. The short version is that Hostess manufactured these delicious and intriguing chocolate-covered Twinkies for years, but they were only available in certain parts of the country. For most of us, Chocodiles (formerly “Choco-Diles”) were merely a rumor, or a thing from the past, or a snack we’d plain never heard of. Read More…

On today’s edition of Vintage Vending, you will bow before the mighty power of a glow-in-the-dark sticky fist. Truth.

The “Wrecking Power” collection arrived in the early ‘90s, and while it isn’t as showy as many of the sets previously featured on Dino Drac, I think I’m in love with it.

Remember those “sticky hand” toys, where a length of gooey “rope” was attached to an equally gooey hand? You’d whip the things against hard surfaces and they’d stick there, like magic? Well, these were like those, but on steroids. They were bigger and deadlier versions of sticky hands.

While large and on the “upscale” side as far as vending machine prizes went, I can’t say that they were worth a dollar, especially in 1990. There was no enormous difference between blowing a quarter and blowing a dollar, but the fact remained that kids had to want one of these more than four prizes from the cheaper machines.

I would’ve gotten more mileage from one giant sticky hand than four flat gumballs, but nobody thinks about the future when they’re standing by the vending machines. It’s all about immediate gratification, and I would not have robbed myself of the chance to turn that metal handle three more times.

It’s a shame, too. These are great toys! They’re sticky, they’re based on deadly weapons and they glow in the dark. The trifecta! Read More…

Today I pay tribute to Life Savers Holes. Tomorrow, I vacuum the upholstery in my car.

Life Savers Holes! They came, they saw, and while I was convinced that they’d conquered, the fact that they no longer exist suggests otherwise. The world at large was not ready to accept the supposed leftovers of normal Life Savers as something to be purchased separately, but some of us were, and we miss them dearly.

Ostensibly the “middles” of regular Life Savers, the candies were actually custom creations only meant to resemble that. I say this because my omniscience certainly extends to how Kraft Foods produced their candy back in 1990.

It was a great idea. Every kid loved regular Life Savers, but I don’t think many of us actively sought them out. I never turned them down, but at the same time, I always associated them with my mother’s filthy purse. If I was at the corner deli with my choice of candy, Life Savers would never, ever win.

Life Savers Holes, on the other hand, won and won often. The flavors were largely the same, but they just felt so much younger. Hipper and more vibrant. Maybe it was because I could eat 45 of them simultaneously, or maybe it was because they came in tubes that shook like makeshift maracas. I loved Life Savers Holes, and I was not alone. Read More…