Dinosaur Dracula!
  • Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy MASKS!

    You may not be able to eat the cereal this year, but Frute Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy have indeed returned! In mask form, at least! Hey, it's something, and they glow in the dark, too!

  • 2015’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 2!

    Here's another batch of 2015's best Halloween junk food, including Halloween Crunch, Starburst Halloween Mix, pumpkin spice chewing gum and more! None of this is healthy, but it sure is fun to look at.

  • An ode to Pumpkin Spice Quaker Oatmeal.

    Okay guys, sometimes I lose my mind and write really odd things. Please forgive me for this giant poem about Quaker's limited edition Pumpkin Spice Oatmeal. Inspiration hits where it hits, y'know?

  • This Monster Cereals Castle is amazing.

    General Mills never disappoints during the Halloween season. This year, you can cut up your Monster Cereal boxes to build a huge haunted castle, with little figures and everything! Unbelievably cool, and one of 2015's best spooky promos.

  • Burger King’s Halloween Whopper IS HERE.

    Well folks, here it is. Burger King's Halloween Whopper. It's the 2015 Halloween season's single biggest promotion, and it's what we'll always remember this season for. (Green shit or no green shit.)

  • Goosebumps Shake at Johnny Rockets!

    In one of this year's most surprising Halloween promotions, you can currently buy a candy-filled "Goosebumps Shake" at Johnny Rockets! If you choose to do so, remember to steal one of those swank Goosebumps table tents. I did!

  • Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini-Wheats!

    If you’re charmed by the idea of “Halloween cereal” but find the usual crop a bit too juvenile for your tastes, here’s one for the more sophisticated palate: Okay, so maybe I’m stretching things. Just a little. Still, Kellogg’s new Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini-Wheats is by far on

  • Candy Corn Cupcakes? Pumpkin Spice Twinkies?!

    As you’ve probably surmised from prior articles, this is an amazing year for Halloween junk food. It’s everywhere! And so much of it is really, really good! …even the bigwig mainstays aren’t resting on their laurels, as evidenced by Hostess’s new TRIO of Halloween treats. (Oh

  • Halloween Kid Cuisine: 2015 Edition!

    Warning: Today’s post is about Kid Cuisine, so stop here if you don’t want to read about Kid Cuisine. Funsucker. I was elated to see the return of Halloween Kid Cuisine meals, even if they never actually use the “H” word. The secularization of Halloween? No, not really. This year,

  • 2015’s Best Halloween Junk Food, Part 1!

    I’ll say it again: This is a banner year for spooky junk food. Never before have I seen so much of it, and for those who sustain their spirits through creepy-looking chocolate, 2015 is freakin’ amazing. Below are five scary things that you can eat and drink this year, mixing new commo

  • March of the Halloween Peeps.

    Oof, the guys from Marshmallow Peeps HQ are really dishing it out this year! Whenever I bring up Peeps, I’m assaulted with comments from those who don’t like them. I’ll admit that the last time I truly savored a Peep was probably Easter of 1987, but I still think it’s harsh —

  • Kellogg’s 2015 Halloween Cereals!

    If one determines a Halloween season’s value through its goofy and spooky edibles, 2015 is a banner year. While lacking an obvious smoking gun — like 2013’s Fruity Yummy Mummy or 2014’s Ghostbusters donuts — this year is making up for it in sheer volume. Need proof?

  • Junk Food of the Gods, Part 3!

    I’m back with the third edition of Junk Food of the Gods, the series in which I raid supermarkets for neon slop that likely won’t be around for very long. Of course, when I put it that way, I’m not sure why I do this. Key Lime Pie Oreo Cookies! With still another month to

  • Junk Food of the Gods, Part 2!

    I’m back with the second edition of Junk Food of the Gods, featuring more salty trash. Most of these things will only be around for a couple of months, so if they interest you, do not delay. You can be healthy later. Ice cream named after dinosaurs needs your attention now. Jurassic Sma

  • Junk Food of the Gods, Part 1.

    I’m not sure if junk food has ever been as interesting as it is at this very moment. Everywhere I turn, I’m deluged by multicolored artificial things that work in sickly sweet pseudo-sugars the way Sirens work in song. It’s great! Below are five new or newish junk foods that struck

  • 30 Haikus About Groceries.

    GROCERY SHOPPING! Here are thirty dumb haikus About what I saw.

  • Go get those Doritos Jacked 3D things.

    Doritos Jacked 3D Jalapeño Pepper Jack tortilla snacks isn’t something I want to type twice, but my God are they delicious. Some are heralding them as the return of 3D Doritos — that being the colloquial title of those airy Dorito “shells” that were all the rage over a de

  • French Toast Crunch is back!

    I know I’m late on the draw and that 99% of you have already heard the news, but for the remaining 1%: French Toast Crunch is back! It’s true! The cereal debuted in 1995 but was discontinued in 2006. From then until now, you could only find French Toast Crunch on “DO YOU REMEMBER EAT

  • Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch Cereal!

    I know everyone’s giddy over the return of French Toast Crunch, but don’t forget about this one! Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is the second of General Mills’s two new holiday-themed cereals. I covered Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp a few weeks ago, and as great as it was, I think this s

  • Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Cereal!

    Perhaps inspired by their success during the Halloween season, General Mills is finally trying to muscle in on Christmas. And I’m totally good with that. The first of two super seasonal cereals (I’ll cover the second in a future post) is Holiday Sprinkles Cookie Crisp. This is huge ne

  • Cranberry & Sage Triscuit Crackers!

    Judging by what I’ve seen so far, the 2014 holiday season is going to be a great one for junk food lovers. Here’s some early proof! I rarely buy Triscuits anymore, but it’s only because I can’t be trusted around them. Like Pepperidge Farm Goldfish, they were one of my childhood com

  • Candy Corn Pebbles Cereal!

    Happy Saturday! With less than a week left before Halloween, I hope you’re taking advantage of the weekend by cramming in as many SPOOKY THINGS as possible. Don’t dawdle. You’re gonna miss it when its gone. Might I suggest tracking down a box of Post’s new Candy Corn Pebble

  • McDonald’s “Book of Life” Halloween Pails!

    They’re not McBoo pails, but they’re the spiritual successors! Now at McDonald’s, each Happy Meal comes with one of two trick-or-treat pails based on The Book of Life, which isn’t exactly a “Halloween” movie, but remains perfectly on-point because its promotional imagery deals

  • Halloween Kid Cuisine is back!

    So as a matter of full disclosure, I know that only 2% of you are at all interested in reading about a Kid Cuisine microwave dinner — even if is Halloween themed. Still, I do the Halloween Countdown as much for me as for you, and I cannot tell a lie: I’m super excited about this.<

  • The Krispy Kreme Ghostbusters Donuts Review!

    I woke up at 4AM. By 5, me and Jay from The Sexy Armpit were on the road. Exhausted and delirious, we drove in darkness, finally reaching our destination around 90 minutes later. This was a big day! A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Yes, THE GHOSTBUSTERS DONUTS HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED AT KRIS